Embarrasing confession involving Olivia Newton John and the squishy mass between my ears.

I thoroughly enjoyed this post at Sarcastic Journalist. Except. Well, it reminded me of something really stupid I do.

I have never been able to remember the difference between “horizonal” and “vertical.” So when I was a kid I would remember it from the lyrics to “Let’s Get Physical”

I took you to an intimate restaurant,

Then to a suggestive movie

There’s nothin’ left to talk about,

Unless it’s horizontally

So what’s so embarrasing about that? I STILL DO IT. In my head I sing “hor-i-zon-taly-yy!” and then I know which one I mean, because even I can remember that proper Olivia Newton John probably only ever has sex lying down.

This comes up quite frequently in my work as a web designer, so probably once a week I have this song stuck in my head. And yes I know I’m a total dork.

Mr. Plain is going to laugh his ass off when he reads this because he’s forever teasing me about things I cannot remember. Like which county we live in. But bejeebus, Santa Clara and San Mateo counties are right next to each other, I have lived in both, and the boundary is close to where we live. He tells me to just remember something about where a creek runs, but you’ve got to be kidding me.

As you can see, it takes much more than ‘creek geography’ to help jog my memory. Now if someone would just write a song about Santa Clara. But then we could never move.


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Comments

7 responses to “Embarrasing confession involving Olivia Newton John and the squishy mass between my ears.”

  1. cranky mama Avatar

    HA! Do you know how *I* remember the difference between horizontal and vertical? The line from Flashdance in which the sleazy guy (whose name I totally don’t remember) suggested they dance “the horizontal mambo.” Literally *every time* I use the word, I play that line in my head first to make sure I’m using the right one.

  2. Robin Avatar

    The horizon is horizontal.

    Straight from the lips of my 3rd grade teacher, who was about 158, but really good at what she did.

  3. Kalyn Avatar

    You are not alone! In school it’s so hard for the kids to remember horizontal and vertical that we’ve started calling it portrait and landscape.

  4. Nicole Avatar

    I so remember having to say “the horizon is horizontal” – not as fun as yours. And I remember my brother (yes, younger brother) telling me “you wright with your right hand” and also you make an “L” with your left. My husband thinks I’m a total lamo and is obsessed with teaching our yunguns left from right.

  5. sarcastic journalist Avatar

    Um, I still do some multiplication tables on my fingers.

  6. Plain Jane Mom Avatar

    Hmmm, horizon is horizontal… That has nothing to do with sex, so is not as likely to stick in my head, but I can certainly see why that phrase is used in school!

    And don’t get me started on math… sigh.

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