Guilt is a powerful force

My son Charlie, now 3.5, was born with a cataract in his right eye. After a few surgeries it all seems sorted out, but he has glasses (bifocals, actually) and also wears an eye patch for a few hours daily.

I have this intense feeling of guilt from all the doctor visits he goes to, the eye patching which he hates, and the fact that his vision in that eye will never be very good, and I have noticed that I tend to spoil him a little.

But on Monday I took him to the eye doctor and as a result his daily eye patching schedule is going to change. Up to now he’s had to have the eye patch on for 2 hours a day, and that has been reasonably manageable.

Now the doctor says he wants him to have the eye patch for SEVEN hours every day. Sigh. Anyone know where I can get a good deal on a pony? Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to need to up the spoiling.


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24 responses to “Guilt is a powerful force”

  1. Procrastamom Avatar

    My son Adam had to wear a patch all through kindergarten and most of grade one because he had Amblyopia (Lazy Eye). Oh the crying and the wailing and the teeth knashing…from both of us! I feel for you Erika and little Charlie too. At least it was caught early. We didn't even know Adam had a problem with his vision until they did the eye checks in Kindergarten. I've felt much guilt over that fact too.

    Procrastamom's latest post: I’ve eaten lunch since I wrote this, so my blood sugar’s back on track

  2. laura Avatar

    i know your guilt and i wear it well too….daniel has had a total of nine surgeries in his 6+ years on this planet. two were eye surgeries which saved his vision. in the words of his opthmalogist, who is mine too, someday he will be leading his old blind mother around. it's true!

    charlie is absolutely adorable! i have no clue where you can get a pony but if i find one i will let you know….darling husband wants to buy one for the perfect granddaughter who isn't even a month old yet!

    laura's latest post: what not to wear

  3. Kalyn Avatar

    Sounds like a parenting challenge, but I know you're up for it! Cute photos of the little guy, that's such a cute age!

    Kalyn's latest post: Mashed Cauliflower Recipe with Cheese and Dill

  4. The Aitch Avatar
    The Aitch

    Oh gosh, how and when is he supposed to wear a patch for 7 hours? During the night? Well, he is a cute little guy, that's fo sho!

  5. This Is Me Maria Avatar
    This Is Me Maria

    Oh man Erika, I'm so sorry. ((((((((((((Sending vibes of cooperation))))))))))))

  6. karrie Avatar

    Buy the boy a kickass pirate costume?

    He is a cutie!

    karrie's latest post: Gorgeous

  7. Jean Avatar

    He looks like a mini me of my 8 year old.Such a cutie! We've been fighting the patch fight since he was 3. The doc kept saying over and over in the next appointment he'll probably need surgery and then it comes and I get all geared up and ready and he delays again. Now he's not sure if he needs it, because he's(the eight year old) a hard one to tell us if he's having problems.

    I can't imagine 7 hrs of patch wearing..Good Luck to the little guy.

    Jean's latest post: Just Because I Think You Should Know

  8. Jen Avatar

    I think it was Charlie that you were looking for video game ideas for a while back? This post reminded me that I wanted to reccomend Disney Friends to you as a good DS game. No "dying", unlimted time to try to do stuff, opened ended play, all the good stuff. Just wanted to mention it in case you hadn't heard of it.

  9. Mrs. Schmitty Avatar

    Poor kid…that must be hard. I'd be spoiling him too and not because of the eye patch…he's so darned cute! :)

    Mrs. Schmitty's latest post: Busted!

  10. VDog Avatar

    Oh my goodness, he is the cutest thing ever.

    Good luck with that. It's a toughie.

    VDog's latest post: From the VDog School of Cracker Home Repair

  11. manager mom Avatar

    Oh… I am SO sorry. I hope he doesn't have to wear the patch for too many weeks/months.

  12. Jamie Avatar

    He is such a cutie. I have no great suggestions, but a pony does sound like its in order. I'm hoping this is a very temporary thing for his sake! (and yours) :(

  13. crunchy carpets Avatar

    My neighbours kid has to wear a patch…they have fun one's at least. And yeah for 6 hours…being that kindergarten was half days she waited till school finished to put it on and then wear it till dinner..he was ok with that..and was actually never self conscious about it!

    he will be fine..too cute anyway!

  14. Sara Avatar

    I know how hard this is, my 5 year old has had one degree of hearing loss or another since birth, and has gone through two very evasive and painful surgeries and will be going through another this fall. I know how easy it is to want to spoil them.

    I've tried really hard not too with my son, I don't want him to think he's different and I'm afraid that if I treat him special (nicer whatever) because of his hearing loss that it will subconsiously tell him that mommy doesn't think he's as capable as his brother.

    Just my take on it. As for pony's (even though I know you were joking) you could probably get a great deal on one with the price of corn going up up up, people are downsizing their herds.

    Sara's latest post: The most painful conversation to date:

  15. Tara@From Dawn Till Avatar

    You will have to tell him he's a full-blown real pirate and buy him a cutlass. Or let him decorate his patch like a cast.

    You must feel utterly rotten but you just have to keep telling yourself that it's going to help him and he will thank you in years to come

    Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk's latest post: Next time I'm taking a bag of sweets. Or a different child

  16. Laura Avatar

    Well…pirates are kind of cool right now? Maybe you could sell the idea as "being a pirate!" and get him a cool little black eye patch?

    Laura's latest post: Crab, crab, crabby.

  17. marianne Avatar
    marianne

    Ayyye matey….. time to hoist the jolly roger! I like the idea of a pirate in the family, for every day of wearing an eye patch there can be the reward of a gold doubloon.

    I wore an eye patch, had bifocals from the age of 2. I also had several eye surgeries, at 5 yrs. and again at 12 yrs., to treat strabismus. My memories of the surgeries and doctors are actually good. I mostly remember being the center of attention for a while. Was not really a bad experience for me (in memory, anyway), but probably was for my parents.

    So who's going to clean up after this pony?

  18. All Adither Avatar

    Holy cow. That sounds hard. Perhaps he could wear it for seven hours when he sleeps??? If only.

  19. Dawn @ Coming to a N Avatar

    Well, the good news is, he's incredibly ADORABLE so ya know- there's that :)

    Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You's latest post: Responsibility

  20. Christi Avatar

    I hope that he doesn't have to wear the patch for that many hours for an extended length of time! I had a student this past year in my first grade class that actually had his eye dilated each day instead of wearing the patch. First time I'd heard of that approach!

    Christi's latest post: Verily I say unto thee, I do ROCK!

  21. Karly Avatar

    Screw the pony, get that boy a unicorn! Seven hours? That sucks!

    I'm not helping am I? Sorry. Hang in there. He'll enjoy the extra spoiling and it'll be worth it when his eye gets better!

    Karly's latest post: Outta Control

  22. Queen of Shake Shake Avatar

    Oh no. I have no advice on ponies, but wanted to how much I think that sucks and I'll be thinking of you and your little one.

    Queen of Shake Shake's latest post: I Think I Just Renounced My American Citizenship

  23. E Avatar

    I'm late commenting on this post — I've actually just found your site and was doing some reading to catch up — but I wanted to say that my 8 year old son wears a patch for 8 hours a day now. So I know your pain. His vision was so bad in his one eye that it was declared legally blind. But now it's improved to 20/40 (with a contact lens. without the contact it's still pretty bad.) And at his next eye appointment we fully expect it to be even better. SO keep up with the patches! And video games are good exercise for his bad eye — the more details, the better, too.

  24. Erika Jurney Avatar

    Thanks E — I'm hopeful that at Charlie's next appointment we'll see significant improvement. Congratulations on your son's progress!

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