I hate my mother in law

Comment on this post over at Rage Smash.

Guest post by ‘Anonymous’, not Erika

I hate my mother in law. I know, most Daughter’s in law hate their Mother’s in law. But this is different. This is the kind of hate that seethes through your veins and makes you see red. The kind of hate that makes you honestly wish a person would just die already. The kind of hate that, although your husband suspects, you can never ever tell him, not really.

He knows, he has to. I say things like, “how did you come from those people,” and “your mother drives me crazy.” But I hate her, really honestly hate her, I just can’t say that out loud to my husband.

My own blog is a no in-law zone because I live in fear that one day they will find it. And I play the good daughter-in-law very well. I buy all the gifts and send all the cards. I cook dinner and clean the house when they come to visit. I remind my husband to call them on a semi-regular basis.

But I hate her. Because she doesn’t really love my husband. Not the way a mother should love a son. She does not accept his choices or approve of the adult he has become. Because she is not nice to my son, not like a Grandmother should be.

And she wrecks havoc on our lives and leaves. And we are left to pick up the pieces. I have so many Mother in law stories that my friends call me when they are having a bad day to make them laugh. Like she bought me a bowl for my bridal shower, 1 cereal bowl. She announced when I was pregnant and on bed rest and told not to have stress that she did not want to be a grandmother. That she pays my sister in law’s rent and owes us money for presents she said we should buy and she would pay us back. That she is evil, plain and simple.

Last month she caused such a fight between my husband and I that I honestly thought, “I can’t do this anymore. I have to leave this marriage.”

But I love him. I just hate his mother.

Comments

  1. says

    Well I coulda written the exact same post, cept my dh knows and so does my mil.

    We are at an ‘understanding’ these days…but her and that family have been nothing but ruin and misery.

    But you have to honest with your husband too….

    You can’t just suffer in silence.

    Our MIL almost ruined our wedding and made the first year of our marriage hell…but dh stood by me and still does to this day..THAT is what helps me smile.

    Now that she is gravely ill my hate conflicts with concern and sympathy and my heart goes out to my dh who is even more confused.

    I feel your pain.

    • Hanna says

      I have been with my fiance for 4 years now, we are recently engaged, but the problems with his mother started way before the engagement. His mother and I got along in the first two years of our relationship, but in the last year I have discovered just what an awefull mother she trully has been and it makes me furious to the point that I did not/do not want to speak to her any more. She is the most selfish woman alive and I can see right through her ficade. My fiance knows exactly where I am comming from, hence he did not speak to his mother for 5 years because of the affair she had on his father. Though after his father passed away from cancer he felt he must try to have a relationship with her so that he was not without a parent of some sort. In the first year he and I were together I was a supporter of him speaking to his mother as well and thought that it would be very healthy to do so. Though this was before I saw her true colors. This woman is truly evil, she puts on a ficade that she is all about harmony and peace and that she only wants love in her life, but the sick truth is that it is all just a cover for her selfishness. Happiness to her = money and that is the bottom line. If there is money she is in hormony and peace.

      With all of the above in mind I have decided not to speak with her any more. She disgusts me and I just can not fake the fact that I want to be around her any more. This is in some ways hard for my fiance (he really worries about family gatherings and children), but I have told him that it hurts me to see what a horrible mother she has been to you (much longer story). She has tried to manipulate him into fighting with me because I wont speak to her, but so far she has not succeeded.

      I am not sure what the future will hold with this woman, but I am assuming (which may not be wise) that as time passes it will get a bit better and she and I will have an unspoken truths that I do not like her, but I will tollerate her during holidays and for our future children’s sake.

      Please feel free to comment.

    • Shama says

      Hi Hanna,

      The problem you’re facing is exactly what I am facing. Its quite disturbing… I too have decided to avoid her.. and if in the future I have kids.. I’ll make sure to keep them away from her… coz all she cares is about money…. and her selfish attitude stinks. I can’t pretend that nothing has happened and I don’t want to pretend…. she thinks she can get along no matter what… the hypocrite that she is… maybe she can but I can’t! So yes…. keeping her away is the best decision you & I can take!

      She has deserted my husband from his sisters and most probably brothers too.. not sure… but if they think their mother is right to hell with them too!

  2. says

    Well I coulda written the exact same post, cept my dh knows and so does my mil.

    We are at an ‘understanding’ these days…but her and that family have been nothing but ruin and misery.

    But you have to honest with your husband too….

    You can’t just suffer in silence.

    Our MIL almost ruined our wedding and made the first year of our marriage hell…but dh stood by me and still does to this day..THAT is what helps me smile.

    Now that she is gravely ill my hate conflicts with concern and sympathy and my heart goes out to my dh who is even more confused.

    I feel your pain.

  3. says

    Wow, I am sorry. My MIL is sometimes jokingly referred to in our house as Captain Obvious (my mother is Captiain Oblivious) and my SIL sometimes calls her the Smother, but nothing to the degree that you feel.

  4. says

    Wow, I am sorry. My MIL is sometimes jokingly referred to in our house as Captain Obvious (my mother is Captiain Oblivious) and my SIL sometimes calls her the Smother, but nothing to the degree that you feel.

  5. says

    Right there with you, and I too play the good daughter-in-law, very well. Sometimes a little too well I think.

  6. says

    Right there with you, and I too play the good daughter-in-law, very well. Sometimes a little too well I think.

  7. says

    I feel your pain. I’m lucky to be 18 hours away from them. If I wasn’t, SOMEONE would be leaving this marriage.

  8. says

    Um. A page out of my own book.

    The similarities are frighteningly similar.

    I feel ya. I really, really, really do.

  9. says

    OMG…did I write that in my sleep?

    Aside from the cereal bowl, it all sounds like my life. FYI, I didn’t even get a gift, her son was gift enough I suppose, she did come and alienate my friends and eat all the food though.

    Anyway, just wanted you to know that Iknow JUST how you feel and I’ll keep sending the cards and playing the good DIL just like you. I just won’t like it.

  10. says

    OMG…did I write that in my sleep?

    Aside from the cereal bowl, it all sounds like my life. FYI, I didn’t even get a gift, her son was gift enough I suppose, she did come and alienate my friends and eat all the food though.

    Anyway, just wanted you to know that Iknow JUST how you feel and I’ll keep sending the cards and playing the good DIL just like you. I just won’t like it.

  11. says

    I feel ya, too, except that I adore my mother-in-law. It’s my own damn bubbe (Yiddish for grandmother) who I wish would just die already because she is a wretched, bitter bitch. People like that never die, though. Tormenting people keeps them going forever.

  12. says

    I feel ya, too, except that I adore my mother-in-law. It’s my own damn bubbe (Yiddish for grandmother) who I wish would just die already because she is a wretched, bitter bitch. People like that never die, though. Tormenting people keeps them going forever.

  13. says

    I understand why you feel what you feel, it is exactly how I felt about McHub’s Dad. Mean nasty ol’ man. He’s deceased now. But the damage done to McHub the forst 50 years of his life lingers on. ;)

  14. says

    I understand why you feel what you feel, it is exactly how I felt about McHub’s Dad. Mean nasty ol’ man. He’s deceased now. But the damage done to McHub the forst 50 years of his life lingers on. ;)

  15. LELEE says

    I feel your pain, my mother in law calls and starts fights between my husband and me. She cries that she needs money, just today he pulled 300 from our bank account for her, when she has 2 other sons and a

    daughter. She always butts in on how I should raise, feed and educate my children. Always mentions stories about my husbands ex-fiance. Tells me my Boops are too big and I have such a pretty face but I need to lose 10-15 pounds. When I lost 45 pounds after my daughter was born 16 months ago. She tells my husband that I don’t really care about him. I can go on for hours and days, she is one mean bitch. She is 75years old and as healthy as ever. Hate to say this but when she drops dead I will be throwing a party not a funeral. My husband know’s I hate her, but he tells me to be nice to her for his sake. That is not going to last for long 7 years I had to deal with that devil.

    One more problem from her and I walk, he choices the kids and me or her.

  16. LELEE says

    I feel your pain, my mother in law calls and starts fights between my husband and me. She cries that she needs money, just today he pulled 300 from our bank account for her, when she has 2 other sons and a

    daughter. She always butts in on how I should raise, feed and educate my children. Always mentions stories about my husbands ex-fiance. Tells me my Boops are too big and I have such a pretty face but I need to lose 10-15 pounds. When I lost 45 pounds after my daughter was born 16 months ago. She tells my husband that I don’t really care about him. I can go on for hours and days, she is one mean bitch. She is 75years old and as healthy as ever. Hate to say this but when she drops dead I will be throwing a party not a funeral. My husband know’s I hate her, but he tells me to be nice to her for his sake. That is not going to last for long 7 years I had to deal with that devil.

    One more problem from her and I walk, he choices the kids and me or her.

  17. Jessica says

    I thought it was just me. I’m engaged to the love of my life and am actually comtemplating ending it because I hate my mother in law. It takes a strong person to withstand what you have

  18. Jessica says

    I thought it was just me. I’m engaged to the love of my life and am actually comtemplating ending it because I hate my mother in law. It takes a strong person to withstand what you have

  19. Me says

    My own mom absolutely sucks, and I no longer speak to her. My (future, maybe) MIL is becomming more and more determined with each passing day to delve into my relationship with her son and find out dirt on me. I’m boring to her. Before I moved upstate to be with my bf, I was visiting one weekend, and was alone in the house for the day- only to find a blank notebook left out on the counter with 1 page written on it that was a single journal entry stating how lazy I was and how her son can do better. Thats not the best part, she confronts me later and insists that I apologize to her for “violating her privacy.” It was an unmarked notebook left on the kitchen counter. I was not snooping. If I had seen “B#$%#@’s Journal” on the front, I would not have touched it.

    • He picks me every time says

      Seems she left that out on purpose…I mean who does that.

  20. Me says

    My own mom absolutely sucks, and I no longer speak to her. My (future, maybe) MIL is becomming more and more determined with each passing day to delve into my relationship with her son and find out dirt on me. I’m boring to her. Before I moved upstate to be with my bf, I was visiting one weekend, and was alone in the house for the day- only to find a blank notebook left out on the counter with 1 page written on it that was a single journal entry stating how lazy I was and how her son can do better. Thats not the best part, she confronts me later and insists that I apologize to her for “violating her privacy.” It was an unmarked notebook left on the kitchen counter. I was not snooping. If I had seen “B#$%#@’s Journal” on the front, I would not have touched it.

  21. AHHHH She Nuts says

    My mother in law is evil. Jessica, if you decide to marry the love of your life.

    First, put your arms around him and check to make sure he has a spine. You must absolutely be sure that your husband will stand up for you against his mother. This is necessary. Boys who have over bearing mothers can sometimes be spineless. My husband moved out of state and had no contact with the crazy for 7 years. MIL hired a private I to find him . She doesn’t cross him because she knows he will leave and never come back.

    Here is what I have learned. I NEVER…ever have any conversation with my mother in law alone. She watches her mouth when my husband is around. But she feels free to say whatever she wants when he is not there. She is evil… I have her phone numbers programmed into my phone and I never answer her calls directly. I always let it go to voicemail. When she is angry and wants to get into a fight with me, she wont leave a

    voicemail. So I don’t return the call. I just warn my husband and then I stay away from her

    Don’t ever leave your children alone with her. She will critcize and berate the children when ever she is in a bad mood.

    Do not share any personal information about you or your family at all, it will come back to bite you later. You cannot be friends with her.

    Don’t keep reminding your husband about how awful his mother is. He had to live with her and you really don’t want to become a shrew. I call my sister in law. She has gotten some really horrid treatment because she didn’t know the right way to handle the crazy mil.

    Oh and by the way, crazy mil is dying of terminal cancer. She was diagnosed 1 year ago. She blames her kids for the fact that she didnt go to the doctor

    and get diagnosed sooner. She wanted to make them sorry for not coming over to visit, so she didn’t go. Well she showed them. Oxycontin doesnt stop evil. No drugs have even slowed down her awful behaviour.

    Keep in mind, You will never be right and you will never win an argument with her. Just minimize your contact with her.

  22. AHHHH She Nuts says

    My mother in law is evil. Jessica, if you decide to marry the love of your life.

    First, put your arms around him and check to make sure he has a spine. You must absolutely be sure that your husband will stand up for you against his mother. This is necessary. Boys who have over bearing mothers can sometimes be spineless. My husband moved out of state and had no contact with the crazy for 7 years. MIL hired a private I to find him . She doesn’t cross him because she knows he will leave and never come back.

    Here is what I have learned. I NEVER…ever have any conversation with my mother in law alone. She watches her mouth when my husband is around. But she feels free to say whatever she wants when he is not there. She is evil… I have her phone numbers programmed into my phone and I never answer her calls directly. I always let it go to voicemail. When she is angry and wants to get into a fight with me, she wont leave a

    voicemail. So I don’t return the call. I just warn my husband and then I stay away from her

    Don’t ever leave your children alone with her. She will critcize and berate the children when ever she is in a bad mood.

    Do not share any personal information about you or your family at all, it will come back to bite you later. You cannot be friends with her.

    Don’t keep reminding your husband about how awful his mother is. He had to live with her and you really don’t want to become a shrew. I call my sister in law. She has gotten some really horrid treatment because she didn’t know the right way to handle the crazy mil.

    Oh and by the way, crazy mil is dying of terminal cancer. She was diagnosed 1 year ago. She blames her kids for the fact that she didnt go to the doctor

    and get diagnosed sooner. She wanted to make them sorry for not coming over to visit, so she didn’t go. Well she showed them. Oxycontin doesnt stop evil. No drugs have even slowed down her awful behaviour.

    Keep in mind, You will never be right and you will never win an argument with her. Just minimize your contact with her.

  23. AHHHH Shez Nuts says

    Oh yeah, I wish mil would die. When she was first diagnosed, I was actually sad. Then the kids started coming back around and for the last year, I have watched her in action. She is completely to blame for all of the Hell she has caused. No wonder they stayed away. I have never hated anyone in my life, not even my ex husband. She is a tornado who spins thorough the family and hurts everyone. Then, she gets hysterical because they won’t visit. I have never gotten sideways with her but her sheer presence, makes me physically ill.

  24. AHHHH Shez Nuts says

    Oh yeah, I wish mil would die. When she was first diagnosed, I was actually sad. Then the kids started coming back around and for the last year, I have watched her in action. She is completely to blame for all of the Hell she has caused. No wonder they stayed away. I have never hated anyone in my life, not even my ex husband. She is a tornado who spins thorough the family and hurts everyone. Then, she gets hysterical because they won’t visit. I have never gotten sideways with her but her sheer presence, makes me physically ill.

  25. says

    Ouch, ouch and ouch. My in-laws are bad – they voted for David Duke when he ran for LA Governor in 1992 and used racist language until I pointed a fork at my (future) FIL and told him never to use that language around me. He hasn’t but I’ve heard he still does. Old dogs I guess…

    It’s all about protection and really, really working hard to let things roll off your back. I’ve had to take that approach with both my own mother (I’m not a stay-at-home nursing the kids until they are 4 years old kind of mother – THAT’s her ideal) and my in-laws (I’m not Catholic and our kids are “allowed” to play with the children of, eek, gay parents).

    But I’m making the family I want with the man of my dreams. They can all go to hell.

    And thanks Plain Jane for hosting annon. She’s a pretty good writer!

  26. says

    Ouch, ouch and ouch. My in-laws are bad – they voted for David Duke when he ran for LA Governor in 1992 and used racist language until I pointed a fork at my (future) FIL and told him never to use that language around me. He hasn’t but I’ve heard he still does. Old dogs I guess…

    It’s all about protection and really, really working hard to let things roll off your back. I’ve had to take that approach with both my own mother (I’m not a stay-at-home nursing the kids until they are 4 years old kind of mother – THAT’s her ideal) and my in-laws (I’m not Catholic and our kids are “allowed” to play with the children of, eek, gay parents).

    But I’m making the family I want with the man of my dreams. They can all go to hell.

    And thanks Plain Jane for hosting annon. She’s a pretty good writer!

  27. Gunfighter says

    Oh…. the stories I could tell.

    My wife knows that I hate her mother. I think that my wife hates that poisonous bitch more than I do.

    I long for her death, and will only feel bad about it insofar as it will probably cause my wife to go into counseling for a long time when it finally happens.

    Being a professional lawman prevents me from killing that evil, rude, manipulative, self-centered, evil, nasty… well, you get the picture.

  28. Gunfighter says

    Oh…. the stories I could tell.

    My wife knows that I hate her mother. I think that my wife hates that poisonous bitch more than I do.

    I long for her death, and will only feel bad about it insofar as it will probably cause my wife to go into counseling for a long time when it finally happens.

    Being a professional lawman prevents me from killing that evil, rude, manipulative, self-centered, evil, nasty… well, you get the picture.

  29. nik says

    OH my I so understand, my MIL is evil. She makes comments about me that make me out to be the ultimate *****, she has nothing to do with us nor our son. She says horrible things and her family takes her side on everything. She was a horrible mother to both her sons, but my husband has a back bone and tells her how it is.

  30. says

    OH my I so understand, my MIL is evil. She makes comments about me that make me out to be the ultimate *****, she has nothing to do with us nor our son. She says horrible things and her family takes her side on everything. She was a horrible mother to both her sons, but my husband has a back bone and tells her how it is.

  31. Finally Free says

    Well, my MIL is no better. But, my advise to the topic starter: You should ALWAYS be honest with your husband. A large portion of marriages end in divorce for reasons that involve MIL’s. It was once told to me that their mission is to divide and conquer. Once they know you and your husband don’t share the same feelings towards her, then they move in for the kill. Besides, your husband is supposed to be your best friend. You don’t have to bash her all the time, but don’t protect your MIL either. Your relationship is worth more than that.

  32. Finally Free says

    Well, my MIL is no better. But, my advise to the topic starter: You should ALWAYS be honest with your husband. A large portion of marriages end in divorce for reasons that involve MIL’s. It was once told to me that their mission is to divide and conquer. Once they know you and your husband don’t share the same feelings towards her, then they move in for the kill. Besides, your husband is supposed to be your best friend. You don’t have to bash her all the time, but don’t protect your MIL either. Your relationship is worth more than that.

  33. Betty Boop says

    My MIL is an absolute bitch and I hate her with every fibre in my body.

    It wasn’t always like this; basically it started when I married her son!

    She’s perfectly two-faced when hubby is around but behind his back she is just so different to me – vile, vile, vile! Many stories to tell but it’s the little things that get to me the most. She has two children (one being my husband) but never treats them the same, always favouring my SIL even though she lives in Germany and MIL lives NEXT DOOR to us. I’ve done my utmost to get on with her but I hate her with a vengence to the bottom of my soul. She’s tried several ways to undermine my marriage and my relationship with my husband and has even tried to take a hand in saying how my daughter should be raised (she had a hand in SIL’s daughter’s upbringing which has resulting in her being a drug addict who can’t form relationships, hold down a job and is continually depressed and on tablets).

    After much soul-searching, arguments with husband and screaming it now seems very clear to me that the route of my MIL’s problems are jealousy – she can’t bear that my husband gives me his love and attention, something she so sadly didn’t give him as a child. The best way I’ve found to deal with her, bearing in mind she lives ten feet away from our house is to blank her and put her out of your mind whenever possible. Forget trying to be nice etc, done that and got the t-shirt. By blanking her and not letting her into my home I’ve cut off her oxygen supply (well in MIL’s case, poisonous gas) which no longer seeps into our home and marriage. She is turning into a very lonely woman. Revenge is sweet and a dish best served cold! PS My SIL is just about as bad – just treat them all like mushrooms – keep them all in the dark and quiet and feed them BS.

  34. Betty Boop says

    My MIL is an absolute bitch and I hate her with every fibre in my body.

    It wasn’t always like this; basically it started when I married her son!

    She’s perfectly two-faced when hubby is around but behind his back she is just so different to me – vile, vile, vile! Many stories to tell but it’s the little things that get to me the most. She has two children (one being my husband) but never treats them the same, always favouring my SIL even though she lives in Germany and MIL lives NEXT DOOR to us. I’ve done my utmost to get on with her but I hate her with a vengence to the bottom of my soul. She’s tried several ways to undermine my marriage and my relationship with my husband and has even tried to take a hand in saying how my daughter should be raised (she had a hand in SIL’s daughter’s upbringing which has resulting in her being a drug addict who can’t form relationships, hold down a job and is continually depressed and on tablets).

    After much soul-searching, arguments with husband and screaming it now seems very clear to me that the route of my MIL’s problems are jealousy – she can’t bear that my husband gives me his love and attention, something she so sadly didn’t give him as a child. The best way I’ve found to deal with her, bearing in mind she lives ten feet away from our house is to blank her and put her out of your mind whenever possible. Forget trying to be nice etc, done that and got the t-shirt. By blanking her and not letting her into my home I’ve cut off her oxygen supply (well in MIL’s case, poisonous gas) which no longer seeps into our home and marriage. She is turning into a very lonely woman. Revenge is sweet and a dish best served cold! PS My SIL is just about as bad – just treat them all like mushrooms – keep them all in the dark and quiet and feed them BS.

  35. says

    I hate mine, too. If you want some idea of how much, visit my blog! I’d love to enter a contest for the World’s Shittiest MIL. I’d win. Hands down…

    P.S. Plain Jane, I guess it’s working now!!

  36. says

    I hate mine, too. If you want some idea of how much, visit my blog! I’d love to enter a contest for the World’s Shittiest MIL. I’d win. Hands down…

    P.S. Plain Jane, I guess it’s working now!!

  37. mrs.marie says

    i hate my mother so much sometime i feel like going to her house and this put my feet in her you know what she always tell her son about me and my sister but i’m so tie of it next time she tried to tell me anything i will let her have it she better never tell me nothing never in her life time

  38. mrs.marie says

    i hate my mother so much sometime i feel like going to her house and this put my feet in her you know what she always tell her son about me and my sister but i’m so tie of it next time she tried to tell me anything i will let her have it she better never tell me nothing never in her life time

  39. in hell says

    I am so with you. I hate my mil. she is a vile discusting bitch and so is her daughter. they are so two faced. My husband hates them as much as i do. They treat my three kids like shit. That wretched witch told my 7 year old that my husband was not his real daddy!!! And that is not true. I have ban her and my sil from seeing my kids.

  40. in hell says

    I am so with you. I hate my mil. she is a vile discusting bitch and so is her daughter. they are so two faced. My husband hates them as much as i do. They treat my three kids like shit. That wretched witch told my 7 year old that my husband was not his real daddy!!! And that is not true. I have ban her and my sil from seeing my kids.

  41. AHHHH Shez Nuts says

    You know the other problem??? Weak FIL. I used to think that he was also a victim but I have come to realize that he a co conspiritor.He fed his kids to the beast all of their lives while he had another drink. And he still does it. To all of us, even the outsiders who are not “family”. He lies to the crazy to protect his ass and sits back while she turns her guns on us and….has another drink…I am so not used to this kind of crazy crap. Oh yeah, they live 100 feet across the driveway and I think I am going to lose my mind. AHHHH

  42. AHHHH Shez Nuts says

    You know the other problem??? Weak FIL. I used to think that he was also a victim but I have come to realize that he a co conspiritor.He fed his kids to the beast all of their lives while he had another drink. And he still does it. To all of us, even the outsiders who are not “family”. He lies to the crazy to protect his ass and sits back while she turns her guns on us and….has another drink…I am so not used to this kind of crazy crap. Oh yeah, they live 100 feet across the driveway and I think I am going to lose my mind. AHHHH

  43. Lark says

    I fucking despise my MIL. We moved overseas, and are staying with her now. It took just 3 short weeks for her to start trying to divide and conquer. This bitch is so self centred and hateful, she can’t even listen to 1 sentence from anyone with out spouting her drivel. We are desperately trying to move out and will soon.

    I guaranteed my wife that I never want to see her again, period. I will cut her off from every possible potential contact with me (and hopefully my wife)

    She’s not only abusing me, she has a history of beating my wife and is criticizing her about everything.

  44. Lark says

    I fucking despise my MIL. We moved overseas, and are staying with her now. It took just 3 short weeks for her to start trying to divide and conquer. This bitch is so self centred and hateful, she can’t even listen to 1 sentence from anyone with out spouting her drivel. We are desperately trying to move out and will soon.

    I guaranteed my wife that I never want to see her again, period. I will cut her off from every possible potential contact with me (and hopefully my wife)

    She’s not only abusing me, she has a history of beating my wife and is criticizing her about everything.

  45. ISympathize says

    I feel for you. I’m a husband with an overwhelming hatred for my mother-in-law too. That sociopath-in-law wrecked my marriage from the first day of our wedding. I am not exaggerating. Our Hawaiian honeymoon should have been filled with loving memories. Instead, my new bride and I were not even talking to each other, because of the mother-in-law meddling. It’s been a 15 year struggle to keep my marriage together, despite the years of damage done by that callous toe wart-in-law. I’ve given up on pretending to show any respect for her. I’ve simply cut her out of my life. The marriage is starting to heal after that. Mother-in-laws are like a malignant tumor. You have to cut her out of your body, so that the rest of you can live free again.

  46. ISympathize says

    I feel for you. I’m a husband with an overwhelming hatred for my mother-in-law too. That sociopath-in-law wrecked my marriage from the first day of our wedding. I am not exaggerating. Our Hawaiian honeymoon should have been filled with loving memories. Instead, my new bride and I were not even talking to each other, because of the mother-in-law meddling. It’s been a 15 year struggle to keep my marriage together, despite the years of damage done by that callous toe wart-in-law. I’ve given up on pretending to show any respect for her. I’ve simply cut her out of my life. The marriage is starting to heal after that. Mother-in-laws are like a malignant tumor. You have to cut her out of your body, so that the rest of you can live free again.

  47. I'm a hater, too. says

    Yeah. I hate my MIL, too.

    My MIL is a drama addict, and also a narcissist. She chooses one or two people to ‘cut out’ of her life every few years. Right now it’s me and DH that she hates. She lets everyone in her family know how much she hates me, and makes up tons of lies about me so that she sounds justified in hating me. Honestly, I have met her a handful of times, and in the 3+ years I’ve been married, she hasn’t seen me or spoken a word to me. None of the in-laws have. I have been nothing but pleasant and accomodating to her (and every other in law, too) each time I have seen her, so I was left scratching my head about what I did wrong for many years. DH and I attended marriage counseling for some time because they decided to not like me and shun me. It has messed with my mind big time.

    At this point, there is no chance for reconciliation. 3 long years of ostracizing me and spreading hurtful lies about me is unforgivable at this point. I’m done with all of DH’s immediate family. They aren’t worth the heartache.

  48. I'm a hater, too. says

    Yeah. I hate my MIL, too.

    My MIL is a drama addict, and also a narcissist. She chooses one or two people to ‘cut out’ of her life every few years. Right now it’s me and DH that she hates. She lets everyone in her family know how much she hates me, and makes up tons of lies about me so that she sounds justified in hating me. Honestly, I have met her a handful of times, and in the 3+ years I’ve been married, she hasn’t seen me or spoken a word to me. None of the in-laws have. I have been nothing but pleasant and accomodating to her (and every other in law, too) each time I have seen her, so I was left scratching my head about what I did wrong for many years. DH and I attended marriage counseling for some time because they decided to not like me and shun me. It has messed with my mind big time.

    At this point, there is no chance for reconciliation. 3 long years of ostracizing me and spreading hurtful lies about me is unforgivable at this point. I’m done with all of DH’s immediate family. They aren’t worth the heartache.

  49. I'm a hater, too. says

    I should also add that for awhile DH tried to talk with my MIL about why she was angry with me and what I had done wrong. She never had an answer, would just say ‘I don’t want to talk about it’. He suggested that, when she is ready to talk about it, to call him back so it can be resolved. She said she’d ‘think about it’ and never called again. That was a year and a half ago.

    ???

    She seems to think it’s some fun game to give people the silent treatment and make people feel awkward and disliked. I will never understand why she has done this. It has, and continues, to affect my marriage severely. We planned on starting a family, but with the way things are with his family, I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I worry things would get worse with a baby in the picture. I am very jealous of my friends that have loving in-laws. I wish my situation was different.

  50. I'm a hater, too. says

    I should also add that for awhile DH tried to talk with my MIL about why she was angry with me and what I had done wrong. She never had an answer, would just say ‘I don’t want to talk about it’. He suggested that, when she is ready to talk about it, to call him back so it can be resolved. She said she’d ‘think about it’ and never called again. That was a year and a half ago.

    ???

    She seems to think it’s some fun game to give people the silent treatment and make people feel awkward and disliked. I will never understand why she has done this. It has, and continues, to affect my marriage severely. We planned on starting a family, but with the way things are with his family, I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I worry things would get worse with a baby in the picture. I am very jealous of my friends that have loving in-laws. I wish my situation was different.

  51. AHHHH Shez Nuts says

    Here is the update… Husband and I have some cattle on Inlaws property. We have to move them across the road. No easy fete. Two weeks ago we scheduled with the siblings to have them help us. There were going to be 8 of us. MIL knew about this roundup and was jealous because we were all going to be together without her. For years she has been sucessful in piting the kids against each other and like I’m a hater too, she always has someone on the outside that she is pursuing and causing hell to. SIL and I are actually friends now and that drives her nuts.

    Well Tuesday, the Crazy bitch called a meeting to discuss her “family” heirlooms which is really just a bunch of garage sale shit. Crazy called her daughter sil 2 who jumped because she wants crazys jewelry.

    Here is the worst part….the meeting is only for

    “immediate family” the spouses are not allowed to come to this meeting…. and husband is going….I am so angry…. The kids, husband included, all have such a hard on for their inheritance that they don’t want to piss Crazy off.

    Someone please give me some advise and words of wisdom… I actually have thought about leaving husband because of the stress that his “f” ing parents are causing.

  52. AHHHH Shez Nuts says

    Here is the update… Husband and I have some cattle on Inlaws property. We have to move them across the road. No easy fete. Two weeks ago we scheduled with the siblings to have them help us. There were going to be 8 of us. MIL knew about this roundup and was jealous because we were all going to be together without her. For years she has been sucessful in piting the kids against each other and like I’m a hater too, she always has someone on the outside that she is pursuing and causing hell to. SIL and I are actually friends now and that drives her nuts.

    Well Tuesday, the Crazy bitch called a meeting to discuss her “family” heirlooms which is really just a bunch of garage sale shit. Crazy called her daughter sil 2 who jumped because she wants crazys jewelry.

    Here is the worst part….the meeting is only for

    “immediate family” the spouses are not allowed to come to this meeting…. and husband is going….I am so angry…. The kids, husband included, all have such a hard on for their inheritance that they don’t want to piss Crazy off.

    Someone please give me some advise and words of wisdom… I actually have thought about leaving husband because of the stress that his “f” ing parents are causing.

  53. We must have the same MIL says

    My MIL is almost exactly the same as the others who have posted here. Unbelieveable how horrible MIL’s can be. I have 3 sons, and it just makes me determined to be a much better MIL to my future DIL’s than DH’s mother has ever been to me.

    I seriously think that a study needs to be done on why MIL’s treat their DIL’s the way they do.

  54. We must have the same MIL says

    My MIL is almost exactly the same as the others who have posted here. Unbelieveable how horrible MIL’s can be. I have 3 sons, and it just makes me determined to be a much better MIL to my future DIL’s than DH’s mother has ever been to me.

    I seriously think that a study needs to be done on why MIL’s treat their DIL’s the way they do.

  55. Didn't ask for this says

    wow I thought I was the only one going through this. She does all the things you have mentioned. She claimed she wanted to be close and has done everything she can to breakup our marriage. my husband can’t believe she is doing this and has such guilt trips on him he feels stuck. I keep trying to feel for him but I needed to stop for our chidren. I guess it all started when his dad died. She told him he needed to be the man in her live now sounded sick to me. and now it has become such an issue everyone that knows us says there is a weird connection between them I worry about our happiness and making him chose her are his family?

  56. Didn't ask for this says

    wow I thought I was the only one going through this. She does all the things you have mentioned. She claimed she wanted to be close and has done everything she can to breakup our marriage. my husband can’t believe she is doing this and has such guilt trips on him he feels stuck. I keep trying to feel for him but I needed to stop for our chidren. I guess it all started when his dad died. She told him he needed to be the man in her live now sounded sick to me. and now it has become such an issue everyone that knows us says there is a weird connection between them I worry about our happiness and making him chose her are his family?

  57. Allison says

    I had a huge blowout with my mother in law from hell this weekend…. glad to see I’m not the only one in this boat. I was supposed to go visit them with my DH over Columbus Day but I don’t think I could be civil. Hard for the husband to be in the middle, but why should she be able to treat my like garbage and get away with it???? Too bad the father in law is a sweet old man… I would love to spend more time with him but don’t think it’s worth it.

  58. Allison says

    I had a huge blowout with my mother in law from hell this weekend…. glad to see I’m not the only one in this boat. I was supposed to go visit them with my DH over Columbus Day but I don’t think I could be civil. Hard for the husband to be in the middle, but why should she be able to treat my like garbage and get away with it???? Too bad the father in law is a sweet old man… I would love to spend more time with him but don’t think it’s worth it.

  59. Bama says

    OMG I swear when I read this it was like we have the same mother (or shall i say monster) in-law. Mine is a witch too! Mine owes me 7 years worth of “backordered” christmas gifts! On our wedding day, mine asked her side of the family (aunts uncles) not to give us generous gifts! Have you seen your mother in law’s house? I still haven’t been invited to my mother in law’s house, i have no idea what it looks like!! I feel your pain! One day we shall overcome!

  60. Bama says

    OMG I swear when I read this it was like we have the same mother (or shall i say monster) in-law. Mine is a witch too! Mine owes me 7 years worth of “backordered” christmas gifts! On our wedding day, mine asked her side of the family (aunts uncles) not to give us generous gifts! Have you seen your mother in law’s house? I still haven’t been invited to my mother in law’s house, i have no idea what it looks like!! I feel your pain! One day we shall overcome!

  61. lee says

    i hate my future MIL. we’re not even married yet and already i’m having second thoughts just because i don’t want to be her DIL. i’m going to hell for this! but i don’t care, she drives me nuts and i can’t tell anyone. there’s nothing specific she’s really ever done to me, but i did write up a list of things that really annoy me about her. so far i got over 65 things. i know, im way too immature about this… but if you want to know what’s at the top of the list, how’s this – she still makes all 3 of her GROWN sons out to be HUGE momma’s boys – including my fiance. she won’t leave us alone and whats worse its like she has this spell over everyone who has to say yes to her every freaking need. im so used to being upfront and honest with my mom. with her i have to smile and nod and do what she says. actually, i have to see my fiance answer yes to her every need. and whats worse is he totally doesn’t see it. its so frustrating!!!!!!! the good news is our plan is to move away after our wedding, im hoping we move as far away as possible. isn’t that terrible?

  62. lee says

    i hate my future MIL. we’re not even married yet and already i’m having second thoughts just because i don’t want to be her DIL. i’m going to hell for this! but i don’t care, she drives me nuts and i can’t tell anyone. there’s nothing specific she’s really ever done to me, but i did write up a list of things that really annoy me about her. so far i got over 65 things. i know, im way too immature about this… but if you want to know what’s at the top of the list, how’s this – she still makes all 3 of her GROWN sons out to be HUGE momma’s boys – including my fiance. she won’t leave us alone and whats worse its like she has this spell over everyone who has to say yes to her every freaking need. im so used to being upfront and honest with my mom. with her i have to smile and nod and do what she says. actually, i have to see my fiance answer yes to her every need. and whats worse is he totally doesn’t see it. its so frustrating!!!!!!! the good news is our plan is to move away after our wedding, im hoping we move as far away as possible. isn’t that terrible?

  63. mil free says

    i can not play the good daughter in law any more, i have just had the last bust up with my mil i hate her so much shes poison . i,m lucky my husband is right behind me, she can go and be bessie mates with his ex wife now , we,re out of it yahoo i feel great.

  64. mil free says

    i can not play the good daughter in law any more, i have just had the last bust up with my mil i hate her so much shes poison . i,m lucky my husband is right behind me, she can go and be bessie mates with his ex wife now , we,re out of it yahoo i feel great.

  65. lucy says

    I moved to europe to my husband’s country and my mil here has managed to turn the entire family against me – including my FIL, her ex husband (that has never met me). It has destroyed my self esteem and my efforts/attitude toward integration here. FIL this summer sent me a horrific letter and one also to my husband that blew my heart to smithereens….talking of how evil I am etc (strange for someone he has never met). I hate how she has managed to get between my husband and I and puts a large iceblock in our marriage. It is only since my husband has finally seen that she is a meddling bitch and that is father is a heartless rich bastard that we have any hope of saving our marriage. The problem is that I feel so broken by this, especially in a foreign country where I dont particularly speak the language, that Im not sure I can withstand it. She has poisoned me so much! People who previously liked me in the family now hate me and both mil and fil are full of ideas that I am not a good mother. It is so sick – I am being eaten by the anger, like a fire in my brain constantly every day. I love my hbnd and adore my children, Im sad that this is messing up our lives.

    We have cut contact with them all, we have no choice after my FIL threatens us so badly. To survive we have to cut contact or me, my husband and the kids will go mad. Im just waiting for time to pass so they see we are gone and hopefully the knowlege that they are suffering from our absence will make the anger subside a bit.

  66. lucy says

    I moved to europe to my husband’s country and my mil here has managed to turn the entire family against me – including my FIL, her ex husband (that has never met me). It has destroyed my self esteem and my efforts/attitude toward integration here. FIL this summer sent me a horrific letter and one also to my husband that blew my heart to smithereens….talking of how evil I am etc (strange for someone he has never met). I hate how she has managed to get between my husband and I and puts a large iceblock in our marriage. It is only since my husband has finally seen that she is a meddling bitch and that is father is a heartless rich bastard that we have any hope of saving our marriage. The problem is that I feel so broken by this, especially in a foreign country where I dont particularly speak the language, that Im not sure I can withstand it. She has poisoned me so much! People who previously liked me in the family now hate me and both mil and fil are full of ideas that I am not a good mother. It is so sick – I am being eaten by the anger, like a fire in my brain constantly every day. I love my hbnd and adore my children, Im sad that this is messing up our lives.

    We have cut contact with them all, we have no choice after my FIL threatens us so badly. To survive we have to cut contact or me, my husband and the kids will go mad. Im just waiting for time to pass so they see we are gone and hopefully the knowlege that they are suffering from our absence will make the anger subside a bit.

  67. AHHH Sheez Nuts says

    SWEET RELIEF… SHE’S DEAD!!!!

    The crazy bitch didn’t stop her crap to the very end. On Thursday, she reminded brother in law that she wanted a lock of hair from her “Blood” grandchildren so she could take it with her in her coffin. What an insult. My boy, the step grandchild, is the only grandchild that has spent anytime with her in the last 4 years. None of the “blood” grandchildren even knew her until the last year, when she was diagnosed with cancer.

    The nut bag stopped speaking on Friday and was dead by Sunday morning. The only tears I shed was because I fear for her eternal soul.

    I am sooo glad she is gone. I hope that this crazy family can get their shit together now…

  68. AHHH Sheez Nuts says

    SWEET RELIEF… SHE’S DEAD!!!!

    The crazy bitch didn’t stop her crap to the very end. On Thursday, she reminded brother in law that she wanted a lock of hair from her “Blood” grandchildren so she could take it with her in her coffin. What an insult. My boy, the step grandchild, is the only grandchild that has spent anytime with her in the last 4 years. None of the “blood” grandchildren even knew her until the last year, when she was diagnosed with cancer.

    The nut bag stopped speaking on Friday and was dead by Sunday morning. The only tears I shed was because I fear for her eternal soul.

    I am sooo glad she is gone. I hope that this crazy family can get their shit together now…

  69. finally free says

    Lucy,

    I have great sympathy for you. Hang in there. It is a rough road when the MIL tries to turn everyone against you. Mine is doing that to both my husband and I. The only advice I can give you is to take care of yourself. Know who you are and try to hold your head high. I know from experience that some days you just want to crawl in a hole and cry– which is okay, you should cry sometimes. But don’t let her get the best of you. Love your husband and children and try your best to not let it affect you (easier said than done, I know.) But some day, I am sure they will realize what a great person you are; and they will have missed the opportunity to get to know you because they were too busy pushing you away.

    ..just know you are not alone. :o)

  70. finally free says

    Lucy,

    I have great sympathy for you. Hang in there. It is a rough road when the MIL tries to turn everyone against you. Mine is doing that to both my husband and I. The only advice I can give you is to take care of yourself. Know who you are and try to hold your head high. I know from experience that some days you just want to crawl in a hole and cry– which is okay, you should cry sometimes. But don’t let her get the best of you. Love your husband and children and try your best to not let it affect you (easier said than done, I know.) But some day, I am sure they will realize what a great person you are; and they will have missed the opportunity to get to know you because they were too busy pushing you away.

    ..just know you are not alone. :o)

  71. lucy says

    Thanks so much for your comment, it feels helpful to know that I’m not the only person who is living this hell. The last week of my life I have suffered more from this issue than ever. Now I am in counselling trying to build up some self esteem – in fact I can hardly believe that! I guess it is their loss that they will never know me and the children because of it all. Sometimes I want them to see how hard I try to look after the children, I try so very very hard and it is even harder with this sort of stress in the picture. We are a family of 4, small but strong. Thanks again -

  72. lucy says

    Thanks so much for your comment, it feels helpful to know that I’m not the only person who is living this hell. The last week of my life I have suffered more from this issue than ever. Now I am in counselling trying to build up some self esteem – in fact I can hardly believe that! I guess it is their loss that they will never know me and the children because of it all. Sometimes I want them to see how hard I try to look after the children, I try so very very hard and it is even harder with this sort of stress in the picture. We are a family of 4, small but strong. Thanks again -

  73. MEIMIL says

    There with you. I hate her so much, very narcissictic women who has raised 2 narcissistic sons. HATE HER. No need to go into details as are the same as the stories above. Am thinking of leaving as my husband is thinking of reconsiling with her and taking our daughter to see her (He cut her off last Thanksgiving, no contact only nasty marriage breaking emails from her and BIL to him re lies about me) I will leave before I allow my daughter to be destroyed by her. She is 5 now, and I was having to bribe her with candy so she would actually go visit her Nonni once a week. She was starting her abusive, caustic, destruciveness with my daughter. If he tries to take our daughter over there without him and his mother getting counceling first, I will leave.

  74. MEIMIL says

    There with you. I hate her so much, very narcissictic women who has raised 2 narcissistic sons. HATE HER. No need to go into details as are the same as the stories above. Am thinking of leaving as my husband is thinking of reconsiling with her and taking our daughter to see her (He cut her off last Thanksgiving, no contact only nasty marriage breaking emails from her and BIL to him re lies about me) I will leave before I allow my daughter to be destroyed by her. She is 5 now, and I was having to bribe her with candy so she would actually go visit her Nonni once a week. She was starting her abusive, caustic, destruciveness with my daughter. If he tries to take our daughter over there without him and his mother getting counceling first, I will leave.

  75. Jen says

    I’m both glad and sorry that I’m not alone against evil in-laws. My MIL along with SIL and GMIL did everything they could to get rid of me including death threats to me and my unborn child. Then MIL threatened to take our child. After six years of hell my DH finally packed us up and moved us far away with no forwarding address. That was no problem for my in-law stalkers. They even got info for my own traitor sister. There are still people who think I’m wrong for running from these psychopaths. Seven years after we left, we got word that MIL is dying. DH made contact and we saw he last year against my better judgement. Now it’s been a full year and she isn’t dead yet although it looks as if the end is near. That is if she isn’t faking the whole thing. I love my husband, but I can’t take those people. Sometimes I think he wants he dead more than I, as she was abusive. I’m in limbo sick to my stomach that my DH talks to her, but I figure it could be a win-win with her either dying or caught in a lie. Either finally gets her out of my life.

  76. Jen says

    I’m both glad and sorry that I’m not alone against evil in-laws. My MIL along with SIL and GMIL did everything they could to get rid of me including death threats to me and my unborn child. Then MIL threatened to take our child. After six years of hell my DH finally packed us up and moved us far away with no forwarding address. That was no problem for my in-law stalkers. They even got info for my own traitor sister. There are still people who think I’m wrong for running from these psychopaths. Seven years after we left, we got word that MIL is dying. DH made contact and we saw he last year against my better judgement. Now it’s been a full year and she isn’t dead yet although it looks as if the end is near. That is if she isn’t faking the whole thing. I love my husband, but I can’t take those people. Sometimes I think he wants he dead more than I, as she was abusive. I’m in limbo sick to my stomach that my DH talks to her, but I figure it could be a win-win with her either dying or caught in a lie. Either finally gets her out of my life.

  77. finally free says

    So after reading a few posts, here are my two cents–again.

    Meimil, I hesitate to say this, but I must. No matter how much someone makes you angry or hurts you, I don’t think it is nice to dance on their grave when they die. Atleast not around the family. So hopefully you are just showing support at this juncture in his life. I am not saying you shouldn’t smile and feel relief, but remember that karma is a bitch.

    And to the person who said something about FIL’s being spineless….THANKYOU! I am surprised mine can walk in the room. She controls and manipulates his every action. The sad thing is that he (the FIL) is convinced that his thoughts and words are his own.

    I take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this parallel universe of crazy MIL’s. But trust me, my inlaws actions are too horrible and involved to even go into too many details. * BIG SIGH * I guess this is just the hand we were dealt. I stand next to my husband and his every decision. I support him, and he does me. Remember they will ALWAYS try to divide and conquer–no matter WHAT they claim. Some women in this world are just screwed up and cannot figure out that their children are grown…

  78. finally free says

    So after reading a few posts, here are my two cents–again.

    Meimil, I hesitate to say this, but I must. No matter how much someone makes you angry or hurts you, I don’t think it is nice to dance on their grave when they die. Atleast not around the family. So hopefully you are just showing support at this juncture in his life. I am not saying you shouldn’t smile and feel relief, but remember that karma is a bitch.

    And to the person who said something about FIL’s being spineless….THANKYOU! I am surprised mine can walk in the room. She controls and manipulates his every action. The sad thing is that he (the FIL) is convinced that his thoughts and words are his own.

    I take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this parallel universe of crazy MIL’s. But trust me, my inlaws actions are too horrible and involved to even go into too many details. * BIG SIGH * I guess this is just the hand we were dealt. I stand next to my husband and his every decision. I support him, and he does me. Remember they will ALWAYS try to divide and conquer–no matter WHAT they claim. Some women in this world are just screwed up and cannot figure out that their children are grown…

  79. Erica says

    I hate my MIL too. I’m agnostic and can’t cook very well, but I am a very good mother and wife. My MIL is extremely christian and doesn’t work and cooks all day and laughs at me or looks down upon me b/c we are a two-income family and I won’t be a house-wife. When she comes to town she expects to keep my 2yr old all week and I hate it. She spoils my daughter with no discipline and ruins her clothes and criticizes me. I wish she would die. My husband swears she is the greatest woman on earth. She smothers all of her kids to death. I only visit with her 1 day out of the week she stays and send my daughter their alone b/c I can’t stand being criticised. How do I let her know how I feel nicely? I wish my husband didn’t think she was so great.

  80. Erica says

    I hate my MIL too. I’m agnostic and can’t cook very well, but I am a very good mother and wife. My MIL is extremely christian and doesn’t work and cooks all day and laughs at me or looks down upon me b/c we are a two-income family and I won’t be a house-wife. When she comes to town she expects to keep my 2yr old all week and I hate it. She spoils my daughter with no discipline and ruins her clothes and criticizes me. I wish she would die. My husband swears she is the greatest woman on earth. She smothers all of her kids to death. I only visit with her 1 day out of the week she stays and send my daughter their alone b/c I can’t stand being criticised. How do I let her know how I feel nicely? I wish my husband didn’t think she was so great.

  81. finally free says

    Erica,

    Have you let your husband know how you feel? I mean, how you REALLY feel? A good approach would be for you to say something like ” honey, I know your mom means a lot to you, but I think you should know that she hurts me when she says —– or when she says ——–.” Your husband NEEDS to see things from your perspective. Otherwise there will ALWAYS be problems surrounding your MIL. A tip: You should NEVER be second to her. You should be number one in his life because he married YOU. Maybe after you talk to him, you can plan to sit with her together and talk about her actions and how she needs to respect you as the mother of her grandchildren and the WIFE of her son.

  82. finally free says

    Erica,

    Have you let your husband know how you feel? I mean, how you REALLY feel? A good approach would be for you to say something like ” honey, I know your mom means a lot to you, but I think you should know that she hurts me when she says —– or when she says ——–.” Your husband NEEDS to see things from your perspective. Otherwise there will ALWAYS be problems surrounding your MIL. A tip: You should NEVER be second to her. You should be number one in his life because he married YOU. Maybe after you talk to him, you can plan to sit with her together and talk about her actions and how she needs to respect you as the mother of her grandchildren and the WIFE of her son.

  83. Anonymous says

    At least you got a bowl! For my shower-no gift. Christmas-no gift. Wedding- oh the sweetheart paid us back the money she owed us. That’s fine, I understand the crazy woman doesn’t have a lot of money, but the thing that irks me is she has the nerve to call my husband months before her birthday and mother’s day, to request we just give her money as a gift!!!! We don’t let her see our son because she’s a crazy drunk, and complains constantly about we’re bad parents!!! I’m so glad I found this website. I complain so much to everyone about this horrible woman I’m getting the feeling they’re sick of it. I just need to vent once in awhile.

  84. Anonymous says

    At least you got a bowl! For my shower-no gift. Christmas-no gift. Wedding- oh the sweetheart paid us back the money she owed us. That’s fine, I understand the crazy woman doesn’t have a lot of money, but the thing that irks me is she has the nerve to call my husband months before her birthday and mother’s day, to request we just give her money as a gift!!!! We don’t let her see our son because she’s a crazy drunk, and complains constantly about we’re bad parents!!! I’m so glad I found this website. I complain so much to everyone about this horrible woman I’m getting the feeling they’re sick of it. I just need to vent once in awhile.

  85. Just me says

    I feel u! I hate my mother-law too. She wont let me run my family the way i need to as a woman and she is stunting my growth. I wish sometimes i can just kick her in the ass and tell her “please lasdy get a gosh damn life”. But hey until she dies he still is my god damn mother in law!

    • Khush says

      hey i agree with you just me as even i wish for the same thing & thats i wish i could just like my mother in law dnt even feel to call her mother as i feel it will be an insult to other mothers. I seriously feel that these MIL should live only till they are 50 otherwise they become a bloody pain in ass.

  86. Just me says

    I feel u! I hate my mother-law too. She wont let me run my family the way i need to as a woman and she is stunting my growth. I wish sometimes i can just kick her in the ass and tell her “please lasdy get a gosh damn life”. But hey until she dies he still is my god damn mother in law!

  87. no class mom in laws says

    SO I really feel your pain,but before you go on through your life believing she is the worst ever hear this. At my wedding shower that my mother in law planned and set up for mr because she is so nice, decided to get drunk try to fix me up with the bartender at the resturaunt and slap me on my ass in front of my boss coworkers mother sister, aunt, godmother and pretty much every woman I have know my whole life. She then a week or so later called my husband and tried to get him to believe that I was cheeting on him or doing something that his soon to be bride should not be doing(as if) and when she spoke to me told me I was ungreatful because I was unhappy about her actions… Needless to say I hate her for this and I will for the rest of my life! However like you I can never say a word to my husband, so I try to keep her at an arms distance

    and hope I can keep my opinions to my self. Stay strong!

  88. no class mom in laws says

    SO I really feel your pain,but before you go on through your life believing she is the worst ever hear this. At my wedding shower that my mother in law planned and set up for mr because she is so nice, decided to get drunk try to fix me up with the bartender at the resturaunt and slap me on my ass in front of my boss coworkers mother sister, aunt, godmother and pretty much every woman I have know my whole life. She then a week or so later called my husband and tried to get him to believe that I was cheeting on him or doing something that his soon to be bride should not be doing(as if) and when she spoke to me told me I was ungreatful because I was unhappy about her actions… Needless to say I hate her for this and I will for the rest of my life! However like you I can never say a word to my husband, so I try to keep her at an arms distance

    and hope I can keep my opinions to my self. Stay strong!

  89. Maria says

    DH and I have been married for almost 2years now, and guess what? Since day 1, she lives with us, goes out with us, must be only twice I went out alone with my DH.I was nice coz she seemed nice but later I started discovering her, she started buying stuff like mine, same pyjamas, same 2pieces swimsuit(she tried it at the shop and she calls for me to give her my opinion and to my surprise she’s trying same my suit same colour and imagine all of her flesh…I was deeply shocked)and more…Like if we go to restaurant she waits for me to order so she orders same. I’m in a new country and started to have friends, one time she mentioned she want to come with me when i go to see friends and this is where i put her to limit, i told her people of same generation should be together, told her to stick to her friends, even i won’t take my own mom who is an angel.but mostlty what i dislike her wandering in the house in her underwear and under her son eyes, I can’t think of it as a normal behaviour…Old sick bitch. She’s vegan, since day1 trying to turm to vegetarian, offering me tofu, etc…i have nothing against being vegan or vegetarian but it’s going to be my own decision.when she sees me getting ready to go out, she goes nuts, she says that she’s going out too. Now i’m once pregnant, guess it’s a miracle, coz we lacked of intimacy thanks to her, sometimes i escape with my husband…on a business trip. The problem is my DH is divided coz i guess he knows that she had a history of depression, anyway i’m trying to tell him what she does, without getting him to talk to her coz she’s a very good actress she will start weeping and saying good things and i’ll b the bad one, she’s so nice to me when his around, now he’s away for a week and knowing i’m having pregnancy symptoms, she spends the whole day out without wasting a phone call to check on me…Anyway I think she will live long, always eating healthy food and never a medicine.by the way she s obsessed with being slim, always dieting.guess she wants to be young forever, she lived her life to the fullest and wants somebody’s else life.well no, sorry won’t let her have my life, especially with a baby on the way,next thing i know she wants my baby to go vegan, well no, wont let her do it. I declared war and i dont wanna involve my husband, not yet till she starts her mistakes and i’ll be there to make sure all of them will surface.As for money issu, she never gets enough, sometimes i dont ask for things coz my husband works very hard, what did she do?she went to a brand shop and sent the bill of 2000usd to my DH…so he paid coz he wan?ts her off his back.satisfied?she never is…what to say? she s nothing more than a cold blooded bitch, but i guess from now on she’ll have to face a transformed DIL, not that nice anymore

  90. Maria says

    DH and I have been married for almost 2years now, and guess what? Since day 1, she lives with us, goes out with us, must be only twice I went out alone with my DH.I was nice coz she seemed nice but later I started discovering her, she started buying stuff like mine, same pyjamas, same 2pieces swimsuit(she tried it at the shop and she calls for me to give her my opinion and to my surprise she’s trying same my suit same colour and imagine all of her flesh…I was deeply shocked)and more…Like if we go to restaurant she waits for me to order so she orders same. I’m in a new country and started to have friends, one time she mentioned she want to come with me when i go to see friends and this is where i put her to limit, i told her people of same generation should be together, told her to stick to her friends, even i won’t take my own mom who is an angel.but mostlty what i dislike her wandering in the house in her underwear and under her son eyes, I can’t think of it as a normal behaviour…Old sick bitch. She’s vegan, since day1 trying to turm to vegetarian, offering me tofu, etc…i have nothing against being vegan or vegetarian but it’s going to be my own decision.when she sees me getting ready to go out, she goes nuts, she says that she’s going out too. Now i’m once pregnant, guess it’s a miracle, coz we lacked of intimacy thanks to her, sometimes i escape with my husband…on a business trip. The problem is my DH is divided coz i guess he knows that she had a history of depression, anyway i’m trying to tell him what she does, without getting him to talk to her coz she’s a very good actress she will start weeping and saying good things and i’ll b the bad one, she’s so nice to me when his around, now he’s away for a week and knowing i’m having pregnancy symptoms, she spends the whole day out without wasting a phone call to check on me…Anyway I think she will live long, always eating healthy food and never a medicine.by the way she s obsessed with being slim, always dieting.guess she wants to be young forever, she lived her life to the fullest and wants somebody’s else life.well no, sorry won’t let her have my life, especially with a baby on the way,next thing i know she wants my baby to go vegan, well no, wont let her do it. I declared war and i dont wanna involve my husband, not yet till she starts her mistakes and i’ll be there to make sure all of them will surface.As for money issu, she never gets enough, sometimes i dont ask for things coz my husband works very hard, what did she do?she went to a brand shop and sent the bill of 2000usd to my DH…so he paid coz he wan?ts her off his back.satisfied?she never is…what to say? she s nothing more than a cold blooded bitch, but i guess from now on she’ll have to face a transformed DIL, not that nice anymore

  91. Doublelife says

    Just pray you don’t become her when your children get married. I tell myself every day. “Don’t become like her when the boys get married.” It still doesn’t change the fact that I hate her and my father in law.

  92. Doublelife says

    Just pray you don’t become her when your children get married. I tell myself every day. “Don’t become like her when the boys get married.” It still doesn’t change the fact that I hate her and my father in law.

  93. sara says

    At least you dont have to live with her. I hate my mother in law just as much and she is living with us. I cant stand her and now its come to either she goes or I do.

  94. sara says

    At least you dont have to live with her. I hate my mother in law just as much and she is living with us. I cant stand her and now its come to either she goes or I do.

  95. Lisa says

    I am so there with you. My monster-in-law, which had that name before the movie was ever thought of. My sister-in-law and I thought we should write a movie or book about her to atleast reap some benefit from her pain she has caused us. She has destroyed my husbands relationship with my family, her other son has disowned her and so has her siblings. She is now broke and living in my backyard in a camper tapped into our electric, TV & telephone and has racked up bills which she is not wanting to pay. Of course I was never asked if it would be fine with me. She just moved her big fat #*@ in and parked it right where I can see it every morning. She has completly interfered with my children and while I am at work she makes herself comfortable in my home taking naps in our bed, eating our food, going thru personal banking info ect…I could go on for hours and that is just a small part of our nightmare. Also while we are on vacation she stays in our home and has some strangers that she meets come over and pretend that our home is her newly built home and that she is taking care of us. My daughter has wised up to her deceptions and lies so my MIL now is very rude, calls her names and ingnores her but as for my son who is young tells him bad things about family members so he would stays away from them. As for her son, my husband, he knows how she is and how she has tormented so many people for so many years and has stolen money from family members and he still get a little defensive if I try to say anything. Any suggestions would help in trying to get her out away from us and least out of my backyard. As one person commented that she almost left, I thought that also but that is what she wants and is trying to do by creating heavy tension between her son and myself so she can move into my home and I refuse to let that happen. Sorry this is so long but I never put my anger about her in writing, which helps. I agree with another person on this site that these type of people are just too mean to die, she will outlast us all.

  96. Lisa says

    I am so there with you. My monster-in-law, which had that name before the movie was ever thought of. My sister-in-law and I thought we should write a movie or book about her to atleast reap some benefit from her pain she has caused us. She has destroyed my husbands relationship with my family, her other son has disowned her and so has her siblings. She is now broke and living in my backyard in a camper tapped into our electric, TV & telephone and has racked up bills which she is not wanting to pay. Of course I was never asked if it would be fine with me. She just moved her big fat #*@ in and parked it right where I can see it every morning. She has completly interfered with my children and while I am at work she makes herself comfortable in my home taking naps in our bed, eating our food, going thru personal banking info ect…I could go on for hours and that is just a small part of our nightmare. Also while we are on vacation she stays in our home and has some strangers that she meets come over and pretend that our home is her newly built home and that she is taking care of us. My daughter has wised up to her deceptions and lies so my MIL now is very rude, calls her names and ingnores her but as for my son who is young tells him bad things about family members so he would stays away from them. As for her son, my husband, he knows how she is and how she has tormented so many people for so many years and has stolen money from family members and he still get a little defensive if I try to say anything. Any suggestions would help in trying to get her out away from us and least out of my backyard. As one person commented that she almost left, I thought that also but that is what she wants and is trying to do by creating heavy tension between her son and myself so she can move into my home and I refuse to let that happen. Sorry this is so long but I never put my anger about her in writing, which helps. I agree with another person on this site that these type of people are just too mean to die, she will outlast us all.

  97. says

    Oh My Gosh….Did I just write this???? I must have!

    I hate my mother in law….shes just a really horrible person. Yeah, She thought I was trapping him when he told her I was pregnant….She asked if it was even his, she basically tried to convince him to convince me not to have the baby. SHe still says our baby looks nothing like him, yet she wants to see him. I just bite my tounge – hard.

    he’ll take the baby right from my arms, then will give him to anyone but me. She was at the hospital when he was born harrassing the nurses all freaking night long while I was in labor – Im guessing she was hoping I wouldnt want the baby so she could take him away from me.

    Ive told my husband that I hate her – Yep, I sure did. He knows exactly how I feel, but ofcoarse he stands up for her. Shes tried to break us up numerous times, starting rumors….now this monster in law is close to 50….Im 24, hes 28, isnt it time for her to grow up? UGH, So much more I could write, but Im at work…..AND now I have to figure something out because she wants to watch my little one while the boy and me go x-mas shopping…..UGH!

  98. says

    Oh My Gosh….Did I just write this???? I must have!

    I hate my mother in law….shes just a really horrible person. Yeah, She thought I was trapping him when he told her I was pregnant….She asked if it was even his, she basically tried to convince him to convince me not to have the baby. SHe still says our baby looks nothing like him, yet she wants to see him. I just bite my tounge – hard.

    he’ll take the baby right from my arms, then will give him to anyone but me. She was at the hospital when he was born harrassing the nurses all freaking night long while I was in labor – Im guessing she was hoping I wouldnt want the baby so she could take him away from me.

    Ive told my husband that I hate her – Yep, I sure did. He knows exactly how I feel, but ofcoarse he stands up for her. Shes tried to break us up numerous times, starting rumors….now this monster in law is close to 50….Im 24, hes 28, isnt it time for her to grow up? UGH, So much more I could write, but Im at work…..AND now I have to figure something out because she wants to watch my little one while the boy and me go x-mas shopping…..UGH!

  99. sharon says

    my mother in law is the most evilest women on the planet . i cant stand the evil and bitter and twisted old cow, she makes out she is a real saint , i have been married to her son for 18 years been together 23 and she has put me down and talks down to me like i am nothing , and i snapped one day and told her what i thought of her and guess what ?? she a 69 year old hag up squared up to me a 39 year old and threatened to flatten me lol then she tried to slap me around the face 3 times i blocked her

    and on her 4th attempt i went in for the kill and slapped

    her right round her wrinkly old face ,. then i went home and told my husband exactly what i did and he said good for you for stickking up for yourself , she deserved everything she got , but i know deep down he was alittle angry about me slapping , but who cares for what she put me through all these years….

  100. sharon says

    my mother in law is the most evilest women on the planet . i cant stand the evil and bitter and twisted old cow, she makes out she is a real saint , i have been married to her son for 18 years been together 23 and she has put me down and talks down to me like i am nothing , and i snapped one day and told her what i thought of her and guess what ?? she a 69 year old hag up squared up to me a 39 year old and threatened to flatten me lol then she tried to slap me around the face 3 times i blocked her

    and on her 4th attempt i went in for the kill and slapped

    her right round her wrinkly old face ,. then i went home and told my husband exactly what i did and he said good for you for stickking up for yourself , she deserved everything she got , but i know deep down he was alittle angry about me slapping , but who cares for what she put me through all these years….

  101. Michele says

    I feel you. My monster-in-law has been a thorn in my side for quite a while but my feelings re not that intense. I dislike her but think that she’s crazy. She is openly hostile to me and has attempted to treat my children unequally and unfairly. I don’t permit it and have returned things to her. I don’t go to her house and she is not permitted to come to my office. But she blames me for everything either way and is irrationally hostile towards me. My husband knows and avoids her at all costs.

    Women like this need a swift kick in the pants!!!!!!

  102. Michele says

    I feel you. My monster-in-law has been a thorn in my side for quite a while but my feelings re not that intense. I dislike her but think that she’s crazy. She is openly hostile to me and has attempted to treat my children unequally and unfairly. I don’t permit it and have returned things to her. I don’t go to her house and she is not permitted to come to my office. But she blames me for everything either way and is irrationally hostile towards me. My husband knows and avoids her at all costs.

    Women like this need a swift kick in the pants!!!!!!

  103. Ria says

    I have never really disliked anyone in my life but my fiances’ mother …I hate that hypocritical, manipulative, gossiping, nasty,evil, horrid bitch…I wish that she would DIE!!! I am seriously considering not marrying him because he’s a real mommas boy…I’m thinking of telling to go **** his mother, his sister and his equally annoying father…sigh!

  104. Ria says

    I have never really disliked anyone in my life but my fiances’ mother …I hate that hypocritical, manipulative, gossiping, nasty,evil, horrid bitch…I wish that she would DIE!!! I am seriously considering not marrying him because he’s a real mommas boy…I’m thinking of telling to go **** his mother, his sister and his equally annoying father…sigh!

  105. distressed! says

    My you sound like me, I too have a mother in law and sisters in law that are pure hell, I have 5 kids and my mother in law dissapeared from their life for 10 years moving to florida and sending my kids grapefruit for christmas all the while buying her daughters kids bikes and things of that nature.My kids are awesome…all have done well in scholl and graduated college, she was never around, then her husband passed and left her tons of money so you know now she is lonely and needs a family….so here she comes all phony and teary eyed pretending to be the best grandmother who ever lived, buying my kids, taking them on trips trying to get all of them to move to Florida. She took my daughters bridal shower from me, while I was planning it,.. and she knew I was,.. she jumped in and sent out her own invitations and rented a place and told everyone on the invites that the shower was being thrown by the brides Grandmother! My sons wife even helped her….and she hated her when she first met her, did not even want to invite her to her wadding! (my son and daughjter in law) Now they are best pals….So when that happend I wrote her a letter saying that she really hurt me and had no reason to take my daughters shower from me, and that she was never there for my kids and that I alwys felt like an outcast in her presance, And I wrote it nicely no name calling no swears just saying I was hurt. Well of course she told everyone about the letter and my sister in law who was my best friend turned on me, then everyone turned on me, how dare I express my feelings….now my daughter is having a baby and I can not help but feel all of this happening again I am trying to plan a baby shower and already she is throwing in her two cents,,,trying to undermind me, I have been very accomidateing to her, I was nice to her at the wedding, the wedding shower, I said that I was sorry for things that wer said, but she wants to keep it going, she alraedy has one of my daughters living with her because she is in school in Florida, My son grandson and daughter in law are flying down to vist her next month, she just will not let it go. Does she not see that we will have to see each other in the future, weddings , grandkids etc…..She seems to thrive on the fact that she is alienateing me from my kids, I live far from them and do not have the income to fly back and forth all the time…..she is working so hard on making me feel like an outcast, what do I do, I hate her, I wish she would fall off the face of the earth. My husband and I are not together anymore but we are friends and she is trying to take that from me too. How do I deal with this? I love my family and just want everyone to get along, this whole thing is just so immature but her and her daughters just want to keep it going….I have to see them for my daughters shower in April, I am so full of hate for her, I try but she will not which makes it infuriateing!

  106. distressed! says

    My you sound like me, I too have a mother in law and sisters in law that are pure hell, I have 5 kids and my mother in law dissapeared from their life for 10 years moving to florida and sending my kids grapefruit for christmas all the while buying her daughters kids bikes and things of that nature.My kids are awesome…all have done well in scholl and graduated college, she was never around, then her husband passed and left her tons of money so you know now she is lonely and needs a family….so here she comes all phony and teary eyed pretending to be the best grandmother who ever lived, buying my kids, taking them on trips trying to get all of them to move to Florida. She took my daughters bridal shower from me, while I was planning it,.. and she knew I was,.. she jumped in and sent out her own invitations and rented a place and told everyone on the invites that the shower was being thrown by the brides Grandmother! My sons wife even helped her….and she hated her when she first met her, did not even want to invite her to her wadding! (my son and daughjter in law) Now they are best pals….So when that happend I wrote her a letter saying that she really hurt me and had no reason to take my daughters shower from me, and that she was never there for my kids and that I alwys felt like an outcast in her presance, And I wrote it nicely no name calling no swears just saying I was hurt. Well of course she told everyone about the letter and my sister in law who was my best friend turned on me, then everyone turned on me, how dare I express my feelings….now my daughter is having a baby and I can not help but feel all of this happening again I am trying to plan a baby shower and already she is throwing in her two cents,,,trying to undermind me, I have been very accomidateing to her, I was nice to her at the wedding, the wedding shower, I said that I was sorry for things that wer said, but she wants to keep it going, she alraedy has one of my daughters living with her because she is in school in Florida, My son grandson and daughter in law are flying down to vist her next month, she just will not let it go. Does she not see that we will have to see each other in the future, weddings , grandkids etc…..She seems to thrive on the fact that she is alienateing me from my kids, I live far from them and do not have the income to fly back and forth all the time…..she is working so hard on making me feel like an outcast, what do I do, I hate her, I wish she would fall off the face of the earth. My husband and I are not together anymore but we are friends and she is trying to take that from me too. How do I deal with this? I love my family and just want everyone to get along, this whole thing is just so immature but her and her daughters just want to keep it going….I have to see them for my daughters shower in April, I am so full of hate for her, I try but she will not which makes it infuriateing!

  107. Jane says

    After reading your post, I realize that I don’t hate my mom-in-law, I really don’t like her very much, but she’s not near as mean as your mom-in-law…I’ll keep you in my prayers dear, you need ‘em.

  108. Jane says

    After reading your post, I realize that I don’t hate my mom-in-law, I really don’t like her very much, but she’s not near as mean as your mom-in-law…I’ll keep you in my prayers dear, you need ‘em.

  109. Jojo says

    Yesterday was a Valentine’s day………….

    a Lonely one…… since my MIL’s birthday is on Valentine’s day…

    She must of been really happy that he didn’t do anything for me… since it was her birthday…………….

    and, I do not goto her birthday party……

    I hate her and her daughter….

    Not sure what I need to do……..

    What could of he done? he told me he’ll make it up to me,

    but I’m already hurt that he didnt’ do anything for my valentine’s day…….

    I bet MIL and her dauther was so happy to see me at home….

    it’s killing me

  110. Jojo says

    Yesterday was a Valentine’s day………….

    a Lonely one…… since my MIL’s birthday is on Valentine’s day…

    She must of been really happy that he didn’t do anything for me… since it was her birthday…………….

    and, I do not goto her birthday party……

    I hate her and her daughter….

    Not sure what I need to do……..

    What could of he done? he told me he’ll make it up to me,

    but I’m already hurt that he didnt’ do anything for my valentine’s day…….

    I bet MIL and her dauther was so happy to see me at home….

    it’s killing me

  111. finally free says

    Um, you need to ditch him if you are not already married. In all seriousness. If you are already married, then you need to tell him that you are his WIFE and that you take precedence over his mother. In EVERY situation. If he asked if you would mind that he go and you let him, that is different. However, if he went on his own will, that is a very big sign that there are problems, and more than likely there is an unhealthy relationship between he and his mother.

    In your particular situation, since you are hurting, you need to sit him down and tell him how this hurt you. Tell him how you feel. Don’t be rude about his mother, just let him know that it feels like he chooses her over you and that you do not like taking the backseat to his mom.

    Also, you need to set boundaries. Tell your husband that it is okay to celebrate her birthday, but he either needs to celebrate Valentines with you BEFORE her birthday or not to spend it with her at all. It is a matter of respect. She (his mother) is loving that he spent the day of love in her presence, vice yours. In her world, that is what she wants…for her son to love her more than he does his wife. The interesting thing is that these crazies will never admit to that. They like to project to the world that they have a great “healthy” relationship with their son and that they just want he and his wife to be happy…but we know that is not the case, Lord do we know…

    I do not mean to be harsh, but women like this are sick. It is best you always let your husband deal with her…do not ever give her *another* reason to not like you. That in itself will piss her off. :o)

  112. finally free says

    Um, you need to ditch him if you are not already married. In all seriousness. If you are already married, then you need to tell him that you are his WIFE and that you take precedence over his mother. In EVERY situation. If he asked if you would mind that he go and you let him, that is different. However, if he went on his own will, that is a very big sign that there are problems, and more than likely there is an unhealthy relationship between he and his mother.

    In your particular situation, since you are hurting, you need to sit him down and tell him how this hurt you. Tell him how you feel. Don’t be rude about his mother, just let him know that it feels like he chooses her over you and that you do not like taking the backseat to his mom.

    Also, you need to set boundaries. Tell your husband that it is okay to celebrate her birthday, but he either needs to celebrate Valentines with you BEFORE her birthday or not to spend it with her at all. It is a matter of respect. She (his mother) is loving that he spent the day of love in her presence, vice yours. In her world, that is what she wants…for her son to love her more than he does his wife. The interesting thing is that these crazies will never admit to that. They like to project to the world that they have a great “healthy” relationship with their son and that they just want he and his wife to be happy…but we know that is not the case, Lord do we know…

    I do not mean to be harsh, but women like this are sick. It is best you always let your husband deal with her…do not ever give her *another* reason to not like you. That in itself will piss her off. :o)

  113. jo says

    glad to see i am not the only one,,,my mother-in law has never liked me, but never let it show to my husband, she would make those kind of remarks to me, that u r not sure ,,is she putting me down? well, she decieded to get her like 12th divorce, (hint,,something wrong with her?) and guess what my husband said she would stay with us for just a week, turned into 6 months, untill one moring i woke up and heard her talking to my husband, saying mean things about me,…she left and when she came back i confronted her about it, BOY, she blew up, i think she was mad cause i over heard her…then her daughter walks in,,she is crazy too.. i thought well, i am going to get ganged up on, i keep my cool and never called her a name, but she went OUT OF CONTROLL,,SHE EVEN ACTED LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO HIT ME, her daughter stood between her and me, and i was in the corner…well, i told my husband what happened, and i glad to announce he sided with me, told his mother off, and to NOT come back untill there was an apology, ….he also took up for me that morning when she was tell lies..he said she owed him an apology too,,,, my husband and i have been together for 21 years. it was fine tolerating her, but NOT living with her,,, u know it has been 3 years since her divorce and she is still muching/living with her kids???? i would never do that to mine! I HAVE THE MOTHER IN LAW FROM HELL,,,she is a HO, drunken supposely christain, and has NEVER acted like she cared for her son, he only heard or seen her when she need something!!!he remembers horriable things about her from his childhood..but he always wanted to love her,,this was the last straw..i know he wants to love her again , but she won’t say “i’m sorry”..as for me, i am done with the HAG! i have had enuf, he can love her, but i don’t have to. all i have evern done to her is gave her a key to my house, but she has the “QUEEN BEE SYNDROM” and in my house i am the queen bee!

  114. jo says

    glad to see i am not the only one,,,my mother-in law has never liked me, but never let it show to my husband, she would make those kind of remarks to me, that u r not sure ,,is she putting me down? well, she decieded to get her like 12th divorce, (hint,,something wrong with her?) and guess what my husband said she would stay with us for just a week, turned into 6 months, untill one moring i woke up and heard her talking to my husband, saying mean things about me,…she left and when she came back i confronted her about it, BOY, she blew up, i think she was mad cause i over heard her…then her daughter walks in,,she is crazy too.. i thought well, i am going to get ganged up on, i keep my cool and never called her a name, but she went OUT OF CONTROLL,,SHE EVEN ACTED LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO HIT ME, her daughter stood between her and me, and i was in the corner…well, i told my husband what happened, and i glad to announce he sided with me, told his mother off, and to NOT come back untill there was an apology, ….he also took up for me that morning when she was tell lies..he said she owed him an apology too,,,, my husband and i have been together for 21 years. it was fine tolerating her, but NOT living with her,,, u know it has been 3 years since her divorce and she is still muching/living with her kids???? i would never do that to mine! I HAVE THE MOTHER IN LAW FROM HELL,,,she is a HO, drunken supposely christain, and has NEVER acted like she cared for her son, he only heard or seen her when she need something!!!he remembers horriable things about her from his childhood..but he always wanted to love her,,this was the last straw..i know he wants to love her again , but she won’t say “i’m sorry”..as for me, i am done with the HAG! i have had enuf, he can love her, but i don’t have to. all i have evern done to her is gave her a key to my house, but she has the “QUEEN BEE SYNDROM” and in my house i am the queen bee!

  115. jo says

    have u ever heard of that old saying????” if he treats his mother good, he will treat a wife good”? POOH!!! i think that if u r already having problems with a mother in law to b, and he is not standing up for u, then u will have BIG problems…. better get it all out with HIM now!

  116. jo says

    have u ever heard of that old saying????” if he treats his mother good, he will treat a wife good”? POOH!!! i think that if u r already having problems with a mother in law to b, and he is not standing up for u, then u will have BIG problems…. better get it all out with HIM now!

  117. jo says

    ewwwwwwwww MARIA,,,, she runs around in her underwear in fron of her son? that to me is sickey! now that u r pregnat, maybe u should suggest to ur hubby that he talks with her and find her a affordable apt? or maybe u could do what i did???? get into a fight with her, so she will storm out and say..”i’m never coming back her”? i said,,,YIP HEE>>>>

  118. jo says

    ewwwwwwwww MARIA,,,, she runs around in her underwear in fron of her son? that to me is sickey! now that u r pregnat, maybe u should suggest to ur hubby that he talks with her and find her a affordable apt? or maybe u could do what i did???? get into a fight with her, so she will storm out and say..”i’m never coming back her”? i said,,,YIP HEE>>>>

  119. Katie says

    I’m getting married in two months to perhaps the most wonderful man in the world. He does everything for me, and i trust him with my life…there is only one “small” problem…his mother! She is what i like to call a “creepy son lover” There are many different kinds of MILs out there, but the breed that i am stuck with is the creepy son lover. Her son either terrible to her and never does anything right, but is the best when compared to everyone else in the world. And there is NO ONE but her that can take care of him properly. She not only won’t leave him alone and cries at the very thought of him leaving the house to get married (we own a house and hes staying at his parents while he fixes it up to keep her happy) She bought me pots and pans for a wedding gift, except these weren’t the pots and pans on my registry, i just assumed to suck it up since beggers must not be choosers and thanked her…untill she told me the reason why she didn’t buy the set i asked for and she said ” and i’m sorry you just aren’t that good enough of a cook to get the ones you wanted” yup thats right…give a gift with an insult…why even give the gift at all… the best way i can describe her is marie from everybody loves raymond…she dishes it out, but can’t take it and she constantly insults me and holds grudges untill she forgets about them (when she’s dead) I hate to say this…but i fear that things will get worse…i hate my mother in law and i want to move a million miles away…i never want to visit her and i don’t ever want her to come visit..she is aweful to me and she makes me nervous and uneasy when i am around her…. i just don’t know what to do…i hope and pray once we get married she will find her own life and stay out of mine!

    • Seething in AZ says

      Oof, yeah same here except I have a STEP-mother-in law to add to my frustrations! Insult to injury…One year of marriage and it’s safe to say I am DONE trying to “fit in” with the entire side of meddling lunatics! Sending cards and being present at family functions just makes me feel as fake as her!

      It would be helpful if DH would step-in without making things worse on occasions when she is trying to be “helpful”. Love that description!

      Whomever said “you cannot be friends” was right.

      At least there are no children to worry about poisoning, that would be a rough time!

  120. Katie says

    I’m getting married in two months to perhaps the most wonderful man in the world. He does everything for me, and i trust him with my life…there is only one “small” problem…his mother! She is what i like to call a “creepy son lover” There are many different kinds of MILs out there, but the breed that i am stuck with is the creepy son lover. Her son either terrible to her and never does anything right, but is the best when compared to everyone else in the world. And there is NO ONE but her that can take care of him properly. She not only won’t leave him alone and cries at the very thought of him leaving the house to get married (we own a house and hes staying at his parents while he fixes it up to keep her happy) She bought me pots and pans for a wedding gift, except these weren’t the pots and pans on my registry, i just assumed to suck it up since beggers must not be choosers and thanked her…untill she told me the reason why she didn’t buy the set i asked for and she said ” and i’m sorry you just aren’t that good enough of a cook to get the ones you wanted” yup thats right…give a gift with an insult…why even give the gift at all… the best way i can describe her is marie from everybody loves raymond…she dishes it out, but can’t take it and she constantly insults me and holds grudges untill she forgets about them (when she’s dead) I hate to say this…but i fear that things will get worse…i hate my mother in law and i want to move a million miles away…i never want to visit her and i don’t ever want her to come visit..she is aweful to me and she makes me nervous and uneasy when i am around her…. i just don’t know what to do…i hope and pray once we get married she will find her own life and stay out of mine!

  121. Esther says

    Hey you all people out there, if you don’t like your mother in law simply ignore and try to live as if those people don’t even exist. You didn’t get married to your in laws but to your spouses. Don’t even waste your energy hating your in laws because even hating them give them power over you. Love yourself, your spouse and children because they are your true family now. Love and Peace.

  122. Esther says

    Hey you all people out there, if you don’t like your mother in law simply ignore and try to live as if those people don’t even exist. You didn’t get married to your in laws but to your spouses. Don’t even waste your energy hating your in laws because even hating them give them power over you. Love yourself, your spouse and children because they are your true family now. Love and Peace.

    • Khush says

      In your post you have said that we should ignore our inlaws & try to live happily with our husband & children but how can u ignore a person who is 24/7 in front of your eyes & interfering all the time in your private matters, who is all the time ready to brain wash your husband

      My monster in law is such a bitch that i seriously pray to god every single day not to make me like her when my son gets married. My parents have always taught us not say or wish anything bad for anybody even for your worst enemy but today i just cannot do that & really feel she should die because only after that i will my peace of mind & will even get my husband back

  123. George says

    You are an ass. Learn to get over your childish ways and get with the human race. You are hating the very woman who raised your now-husband and brought him into the world. Stop being a competitive, petty ass.

  124. George says

    You are an ass. Learn to get over your childish ways and get with the human race. You are hating the very woman who raised your now-husband and brought him into the world. Stop being a competitive, petty ass.

  125. finallyfree says

    Wow. Spoken like two people who have no idea what some others endure at the hands of their mother in laws.

    Just because someone was raised by a woman, does not mean you are thereby forced to render her queen. Some mothers out there are really horrible and do a lot of under handed things to their children. It is very childish of you George to come in this forum and speak in the manner you did when you can and never will be in the same position as any of these ladies. However, your words are spoken like a true mamas boy–so I suppose I should cut you some slack.

    Really, if you have nothing constructive to offer, or a legitimate MIL issue, do not bother posting.

  126. finallyfree says

    Wow. Spoken like two people who have no idea what some others endure at the hands of their mother in laws.

    Just because someone was raised by a woman, does not mean you are thereby forced to render her queen. Some mothers out there are really horrible and do a lot of under handed things to their children. It is very childish of you George to come in this forum and speak in the manner you did when you can and never will be in the same position as any of these ladies. However, your words are spoken like a true mamas boy–so I suppose I should cut you some slack.

    Really, if you have nothing constructive to offer, or a legitimate MIL issue, do not bother posting.

  127. Kathy Smith says

    Isn’t it interesting that most men pick spouses who remind them of their mothers. So basically you hate yourself….

  128. Kathy Smith says

    Isn’t it interesting that most men pick spouses who remind them of their mothers. So basically you hate yourself….

  129. finallyfree says

    Kathy,

    Not as interesting as your choice of words:

    “Isn’t it interesting how MOST men pick spouses who remind them of their mothers.”

    Most being the operative word here.

    And so as stated by you, not all men pick women like their mothers, and I am willing to bet, it is those same men that have the helicopter mothers.

    Furthermore, I enjoy how you have chosen to take a candid concept and blow it out of proportion. No man in his right mind chooses a girl exactly like his mom, just a woman that might share SOME of the same characteristics. The aforementioned is a serious sign of illness.

    Don’t post unless you have an intellectual comment. Or at least don’t post before thinking about what you are actually saying.

  130. finallyfree says

    Kathy,

    Not as interesting as your choice of words:

    “Isn’t it interesting how MOST men pick spouses who remind them of their mothers.”

    Most being the operative word here.

    And so as stated by you, not all men pick women like their mothers, and I am willing to bet, it is those same men that have the helicopter mothers.

    Furthermore, I enjoy how you have chosen to take a candid concept and blow it out of proportion. No man in his right mind chooses a girl exactly like his mom, just a woman that might share SOME of the same characteristics. The aforementioned is a serious sign of illness.

    Don’t post unless you have an intellectual comment. Or at least don’t post before thinking about what you are actually saying.

  131. Kathy says

    Isn’t it fun how idiots like me can post anything we want on the internet? I won’t bother you again, so you can have the last word, nor will I check your rebuttals, so I can pretend I have the last word, hee hee, but I will say I am sure happy you will rear your children to be kind, charitable, willing to overlook the faults of others, compassionate, etc., just like you seem to be. I have so much hope for our future with lovely women like you in charge…. I hope you have sons and get to have the Karma of DILs in your future….

  132. Kathy says

    Isn’t it fun how idiots like me can post anything we want on the internet? I won’t bother you again, so you can have the last word, nor will I check your rebuttals, so I can pretend I have the last word, hee hee, but I will say I am sure happy you will rear your children to be kind, charitable, willing to overlook the faults of others, compassionate, etc., just like you seem to be. I have so much hope for our future with lovely women like you in charge…. I hope you have sons and get to have the Karma of DILs in your future….

  133. says

    Ah, Kathy, the irony of your judgments!

    Plain Jane Mom, I feel you completely. Thus far there’s only been me and my husband to manipulate, but the family is expanding within the year and I am purchasing our crash-helmets as we speak.

    Bewildered Housewife

    Bewildered Housewife’s latest post: Fun with Search Engines

  134. says

    Ah, Kathy, the irony of your judgments!

    Plain Jane Mom, I feel you completely. Thus far there’s only been me and my husband to manipulate, but the family is expanding within the year and I am purchasing our crash-helmets as we speak.

    Bewildered Housewife

    Bewildered Housewife’s latest post: Fun with Search Engines

  135. jane says

    wow this site really helps me cos I feel now that Im not alone with my mil problems. As much as I love my hubby, we have been mrried now for 3 yrs but together for 17, he is another spineless man (as much as I love him)when it comes to my MIL, she says jump, he asks how high. On the night before our wedding day she came to stay at ours with the SIL (hubby to be stayed the night in a local hotel) and MIL didnt utter 1 word to me or my other bridesmaid all evening except when my friend (bridesmaid) asked her politely what colour she had chosen to wear for the big day, she abrubtly announced “BLACK” and then turned her back on us and continued to talk very quietly to the SIL, this was all in my own home.

    On the big day guess what she didnt wear black at all….she was bloody head to toe in white satin/lace and on every occasion she came face to face with me she abrublty turned her back, how soooo rude!!! I eventually at the end of the evening and a few glasses of champagne braver I did get around to giving her a piece of my mind may I add after I approached her and asked her what was her problem was and she said nothing with that stupid wry smile that I could knock off her face.

    The wedding was by far not the 1st occasion that she had upset me and over the years (without boring you with details) she has always over-ridden my authority within my relationship/marraige and what doesnt help is that she will also manipulate my husband as she always has done but he cannot see this to get her own way, and he will not say no to her requests therefore he can get quite nasty with me to allow his mum to have her own way and each time it works as I feel I am backed into a corner. As some other members have stated I almost called off the weeding as I knew she would continue to be a problem in the marraige, she does play the game very smartly, she knows exactly what she is doing and knows if she approaches my hubby, her way will win.She also invited her church friends who before had never set eyes on me and she asked them to make a speech and I was referred to as “THE MISTRESS” by these people, my work collegues amd friends of my hubbys and me picked up on it all, how humiliating, by the way neither of us had been married before, so no, I was never a mistress. After the wedding she moved abroad for 3 yrs until her hubby died but now the SIL has paid for her flight home, not organised anywhere for her to stay and guess what she is here with us, although we do not have any spare room swith having 3 children, but the SIL has 2 spare rooms, MIL does not want to stay with her daugter as she dislikes her hubby, more like she cant dish the shit there with him as she is allowed to do with me, very coyley I must add where it leave you thinking was that a jibe or not.Now bearing in mind that after the wedding my contact with her ceased although hubby kept in touch via phone, she waltzed in our home like nothing had ever happened and expects me to act the same and so does the hubby, he thinks we should start with a clean slate, this woman has a nasty streak and tongue and I feel uneasy and weary around her, my huby is trying to find her a property to live in back in her home town which is around 50 miles from where we live, so in a way I guess her is trying and to an extent I do feel for him cos he knows I hate her and if she was on the moon she still wouldnt befar enough but she is also very controlling of him. The other evening she walked into my kitchen muttering water, water, I wanted to shout out ” in the f*****g tap” but up jumped the hubby to her rescue which is what she wanted. I know she dislikes me, shes made this very clear in the past but she plays smart in front of my hubby and although he is fully aware of the fact she is a bitch and people who know her are also aware of this she sides with her and calls me unreasonable because she plays such a good act. I have read a few coments on this site which helps me feel stronger to deal with her, I just hope that by next weekend she is gone with her bloody powers that control my hubby therfore causing arguments within our marraige, I hate her beyond belief. Never felt this way about anybody in my entire life.

  136. says

    wow this site really helps me cos I feel now that Im not alone with my mil problems. As much as I love my hubby, we have been mrried now for 3 yrs but together for 17, he is another spineless man (as much as I love him)when it comes to my MIL, she says jump, he asks how high. On the night before our wedding day she came to stay at ours with the SIL (hubby to be stayed the night in a local hotel) and MIL didnt utter 1 word to me or my other bridesmaid all evening except when my friend (bridesmaid) asked her politely what colour she had chosen to wear for the big day, she abrubtly announced “BLACK” and then turned her back on us and continued to talk very quietly to the SIL, this was all in my own home.

    On the big day guess what she didnt wear black at all….she was bloody head to toe in white satin/lace and on every occasion she came face to face with me she abrublty turned her back, how soooo rude!!! I eventually at the end of the evening and a few glasses of champagne braver I did get around to giving her a piece of my mind may I add after I approached her and asked her what was her problem was and she said nothing with that stupid wry smile that I could knock off her face.

    The wedding was by far not the 1st occasion that she had upset me and over the years (without boring you with details) she has always over-ridden my authority within my relationship/marraige and what doesnt help is that she will also manipulate my husband as she always has done but he cannot see this to get her own way, and he will not say no to her requests therefore he can get quite nasty with me to allow his mum to have her own way and each time it works as I feel I am backed into a corner. As some other members have stated I almost called off the weeding as I knew she would continue to be a problem in the marraige, she does play the game very smartly, she knows exactly what she is doing and knows if she approaches my hubby, her way will win.She also invited her church friends who before had never set eyes on me and she asked them to make a speech and I was referred to as “THE MISTRESS” by these people, my work collegues amd friends of my hubbys and me picked up on it all, how humiliating, by the way neither of us had been married before, so no, I was never a mistress. After the wedding she moved abroad for 3 yrs until her hubby died but now the SIL has paid for her flight home, not organised anywhere for her to stay and guess what she is here with us, although we do not have any spare room swith having 3 children, but the SIL has 2 spare rooms, MIL does not want to stay with her daugter as she dislikes her hubby, more like she cant dish the shit there with him as she is allowed to do with me, very coyley I must add where it leave you thinking was that a jibe or not.Now bearing in mind that after the wedding my contact with her ceased although hubby kept in touch via phone, she waltzed in our home like nothing had ever happened and expects me to act the same and so does the hubby, he thinks we should start with a clean slate, this woman has a nasty streak and tongue and I feel uneasy and weary around her, my huby is trying to find her a property to live in back in her home town which is around 50 miles from where we live, so in a way I guess her is trying and to an extent I do feel for him cos he knows I hate her and if she was on the moon she still wouldnt befar enough but she is also very controlling of him. The other evening she walked into my kitchen muttering water, water, I wanted to shout out ” in the f*****g tap” but up jumped the hubby to her rescue which is what she wanted. I know she dislikes me, shes made this very clear in the past but she plays smart in front of my hubby and although he is fully aware of the fact she is a bitch and people who know her are also aware of this she sides with her and calls me unreasonable because she plays such a good act. I have read a few coments on this site which helps me feel stronger to deal with her, I just hope that by next weekend she is gone with her bloody powers that control my hubby therfore causing arguments within our marraige, I hate her beyond belief. Never felt this way about anybody in my entire life.

  137. amazingnothing says

    Hey everyone. I’m so glad I was able to read all of these comments. It’s really nice to know I’m not alone. My future MIL tried to throw herself out of the car on a highway in Chicago after saying terrible things about me and to my guy (only for drama, she wasn’t really trying…). She doesn’t say hello, she says “your so fat”… she tells me my beautiful mom who’s in her 50’s looks 80 and that I will too… that she has 90 year old friends that look younger. We’re house hunting and she told my guy that he and I should live in the basement of our own house and give her the rest of it. She has income, but won’t take care of herself at all… and he won’t cut her off. She gambles and buys things she will never open, but won’t pay any of her bills. We can’t do anything for us, it’s always about her… Thank you all for writing about your situations. I could go on and on and on, but just knowing we’re all in it together means a lot.

  138. amazingnothing says

    Hey everyone. I’m so glad I was able to read all of these comments. It’s really nice to know I’m not alone. My future MIL tried to throw herself out of the car on a highway in Chicago after saying terrible things about me and to my guy (only for drama, she wasn’t really trying…). She doesn’t say hello, she says “your so fat”… she tells me my beautiful mom who’s in her 50’s looks 80 and that I will too… that she has 90 year old friends that look younger. We’re house hunting and she told my guy that he and I should live in the basement of our own house and give her the rest of it. She has income, but won’t take care of herself at all… and he won’t cut her off. She gambles and buys things she will never open, but won’t pay any of her bills. We can’t do anything for us, it’s always about her… Thank you all for writing about your situations. I could go on and on and on, but just knowing we’re all in it together means a lot.

  139. Cher says

    Just some advice from many, many years of having a mother in law. If you are still married to your husband I would try something unique. Shower your mother in law with love. Find something the two of you share in common, that you like or appreciate, even if you have to dig deep to find it. Invite her to lunch. Just have a good time with her. Get to know her as a friend. Tell her how much you appreciate her every chance you get. Do it no matter what she does or says and do it over and over and over.

    And stop telling your husband what’s wrong with his family. You are adding poison to the pot. You married him and he is part of his family. Sit down with him and have a rational conversation about the similarities and differences in your two cultures. Decide together what you both want to bring to your OWN culture. Learn to have a sense of humor. Your mother in law is only as evil as you will allow her to be in your mind. I wish you well!

  140. Cher says

    Just some advice from many, many years of having a mother in law. If you are still married to your husband I would try something unique. Shower your mother in law with love. Find something the two of you share in common, that you like or appreciate, even if you have to dig deep to find it. Invite her to lunch. Just have a good time with her. Get to know her as a friend. Tell her how much you appreciate her every chance you get. Do it no matter what she does or says and do it over and over and over.

    And stop telling your husband what’s wrong with his family. You are adding poison to the pot. You married him and he is part of his family. Sit down with him and have a rational conversation about the similarities and differences in your two cultures. Decide together what you both want to bring to your OWN culture. Learn to have a sense of humor. Your mother in law is only as evil as you will allow her to be in your mind. I wish you well!

  141. fadisha says

    i hate my mom….realy if u knew her u would hate as a person….everyone does!

  142. omi says

    i hate my mother in law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!do you?

  143. says

    i hate my mother in law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!do you?

  144. ac says

    I have you all beat. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are the worst people I have ever met in my life. When my husband and I first began dating, she lied to him about my past relationships ( I have 3 children from 2 previous long-term relationships). She would tell him horrible lies about me, because she knew of his insecurities. After we got married (I ask myself why I did that), she has treated my children awful. Said mean things to people in the community about them. My sister-in-law befriended one of my oldest friends, and now goes back to my husband with “information” my friend as supposedly said. I know my friend would never say such things about me. On our wedding day, my mother-in-law went as far as to tell my aunt, that she was surprised that he was marrying me, since he has been with so many other women. To make a long story short, my husband was given a choice by his mother. He was told to pick them, or stay with me and my kids. He choose his mother, because if he were tell them that he loves me and wants to be with me, they would disown him. Any advice??

  145. ac says

    I have you all beat. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are the worst people I have ever met in my life. When my husband and I first began dating, she lied to him about my past relationships ( I have 3 children from 2 previous long-term relationships). She would tell him horrible lies about me, because she knew of his insecurities. After we got married (I ask myself why I did that), she has treated my children awful. Said mean things to people in the community about them. My sister-in-law befriended one of my oldest friends, and now goes back to my husband with “information” my friend as supposedly said. I know my friend would never say such things about me. On our wedding day, my mother-in-law went as far as to tell my aunt, that she was surprised that he was marrying me, since he has been with so many other women. To make a long story short, my husband was given a choice by his mother. He was told to pick them, or stay with me and my kids. He choose his mother, because if he were tell them that he loves me and wants to be with me, they would disown him. Any advice??

  146. finallyfree says

    Um, LEAVE him. ANY man that would choose his “mommy” over his wife has some serious issues and obviously does not know how to treat a wife properly.

    He should have looked at his mother, and said “since YOU are giving me this ultimatum, and I LOVE my wife, then you lose. I choose my wife.” That is what happens in a normal marriage–the man clings to his wife. I am not saying a relationship cannot be kept with the mom, but since this is a forum about crazy In-laws, I am willing to bet most of us are better off without them in our lives.

    How dare she even THINK to make her own son choose. And how dare your husband choose HER. You need to think long and hard about the relationship you have with him and his family. Is he worth having to endure the heartache his family causes you because he is not man enough to stand up to them? I am sorry I am being so blunt but I couldn’t imagine if my husband didn’t support me when it came to his horrible family. In-fact, my husband disowned THEM because of the way they started disrespecting the both of us–that my dear, is how it should be. A mother that would make her son choose like that is jealous. Simply put. And a man that is too afraid to stand up for his wife, even if it is to his own mother, is not a man at all.

    * What would I do now in this situation? I would have a talk with him about all the things they have done to hurt you and ask him if having a relationship with the family is worth the pain and stress it puts in your relationship. If he defends their actions, you need to start asserting yourself more and let him know that you will not tolerate being treated this way anymore. In my opinion, his lack of ability to stand by your side is destroying your marriage. His “mommy” knows it and she is happy about it…she figures that soon she will have her baby boy back.

  147. finallyfree says

    Um, LEAVE him. ANY man that would choose his “mommy” over his wife has some serious issues and obviously does not know how to treat a wife properly.

    He should have looked at his mother, and said “since YOU are giving me this ultimatum, and I LOVE my wife, then you lose. I choose my wife.” That is what happens in a normal marriage–the man clings to his wife. I am not saying a relationship cannot be kept with the mom, but since this is a forum about crazy In-laws, I am willing to bet most of us are better off without them in our lives.

    How dare she even THINK to make her own son choose. And how dare your husband choose HER. You need to think long and hard about the relationship you have with him and his family. Is he worth having to endure the heartache his family causes you because he is not man enough to stand up to them? I am sorry I am being so blunt but I couldn’t imagine if my husband didn’t support me when it came to his horrible family. In-fact, my husband disowned THEM because of the way they started disrespecting the both of us–that my dear, is how it should be. A mother that would make her son choose like that is jealous. Simply put. And a man that is too afraid to stand up for his wife, even if it is to his own mother, is not a man at all.

    * What would I do now in this situation? I would have a talk with him about all the things they have done to hurt you and ask him if having a relationship with the family is worth the pain and stress it puts in your relationship. If he defends their actions, you need to start asserting yourself more and let him know that you will not tolerate being treated this way anymore. In my opinion, his lack of ability to stand by your side is destroying your marriage. His “mommy” knows it and she is happy about it…she figures that soon she will have her baby boy back.

  148. Lucy says

    I know *exactly* how you feel. I truly HATE my MIL too and it’s a shame.

    She has been rude, nasty, vindictive, malicious and manipulative. And, No, I don’t believe she loves her son or my son. It’s all about how she looks to everyone else.

    I feel so sorry for you feeling like this. Sometimes I think the anger will just eat me up.

  149. Lucy says

    I know *exactly* how you feel. I truly HATE my MIL too and it’s a shame.

    She has been rude, nasty, vindictive, malicious and manipulative. And, No, I don’t believe she loves her son or my son. It’s all about how she looks to everyone else.

    I feel so sorry for you feeling like this. Sometimes I think the anger will just eat me up.

  150. Jane says

    hey, i hat my future MIL too,she’s has 5 kids (plus my hubby) and a 3 year old daughter with their step father.

    what bothers me is that she always not there for her kids!even her the baby(3 year old). The step dad will come and visit her around 2 to 3 times a week and she will dress up in her see through type pyjamas dress…not wearing bra at 7pm dinner time! i mean,dinner time all the kids. me and my hubby will come and eat and chat right? and she dress like a whore..

    and she always lie to her guy,as in saying that she’s at home or in her sister’s home at night… eventually she is out at her friend house( guy’s house) singing karaoke and drink liqour (she is an mild alcoholic) one week 3 to 4times! and she never comes back at 10pm to 12 am… she earliest time is 2am or latest is 6 am,worst she never come back home and said that she went out early to order food which is stupidly obvious she’s lying. She will constantly invite her drunk friends to her house (where all her kids,baby ,me and my hubby staying all together)sing karaoke and drink beer too until 5 am which me and my hubby cant sleep! my hubby has to get up to go work too while his mom just shag her legs at home all the time

    Note: its very weird if she’s home, cause she went out alll the time! i mean even when the baby is 1 years old, she never stay at home! who take cares of her house? her exhausting maid!

    last month, i was pregnant,my hubby told his mom to bring me to check up and unfortunately she didnt, just like what u all said, his mom will being all good person when my hubby’s around and bad when my hubby’s not there. About i’m pregnant, she didnt coook dishes for me (like healthy food to me), she didnt suggest me like pregnancy tips, she didnt bring me to checkup and it so obvious that she dont want me to get pregnant with his son.

    After all the attempts…i decided to hunger myself cause i’m not ready for the baby and all stuff like didnt get to eat healthy food, vitamins all that..when i was having menses, it was painfull for me so i told his mom,that i’m having stomachache and my jaw is pain due to eating hard food, guess what? she is brush me off saying ‘go doctor!’ which she didnt even bring me or..help me calm down the pain..

    my hubby worship her like god! he keep telling me she is the best mom bla bla, she have experience so i should tell her my problems bla bla, to hell with that! my hubby just let her be when she karaoke till late night,i mean whats wrong with u? u have a baby sister who’s craving your mom all the time and ur mom keep avoiding her!

    there’s nothing i can admire his mom, she knows how to cook fry- dishes,worst fried noodles ever, sings karaoke, drink beer, never be at home, good at lyings. i mean, that isnt my ideal mother in law..i’m concern because i’m going to live with her in future!i dont want my kids to stay with a non ‘mother alike’ person, she doesnt change diapers, or shower her baby… so is that a ‘mom alike’?

    dont suggest me that ask me to be friend with her or learn with her…i tried but she’s like a faker, its not wise to tell her my problems or health problems, she twist my words and tell to her friends… suggestions please?

  151. Jane says

    hey, i hat my future MIL too,she’s has 5 kids (plus my hubby) and a 3 year old daughter with their step father.

    what bothers me is that she always not there for her kids!even her the baby(3 year old). The step dad will come and visit her around 2 to 3 times a week and she will dress up in her see through type pyjamas dress…not wearing bra at 7pm dinner time! i mean,dinner time all the kids. me and my hubby will come and eat and chat right? and she dress like a whore..

    and she always lie to her guy,as in saying that she’s at home or in her sister’s home at night… eventually she is out at her friend house( guy’s house) singing karaoke and drink liqour (she is an mild alcoholic) one week 3 to 4times! and she never comes back at 10pm to 12 am… she earliest time is 2am or latest is 6 am,worst she never come back home and said that she went out early to order food which is stupidly obvious she’s lying. She will constantly invite her drunk friends to her house (where all her kids,baby ,me and my hubby staying all together)sing karaoke and drink beer too until 5 am which me and my hubby cant sleep! my hubby has to get up to go work too while his mom just shag her legs at home all the time

    Note: its very weird if she’s home, cause she went out alll the time! i mean even when the baby is 1 years old, she never stay at home! who take cares of her house? her exhausting maid!

    last month, i was pregnant,my hubby told his mom to bring me to check up and unfortunately she didnt, just like what u all said, his mom will being all good person when my hubby’s around and bad when my hubby’s not there. About i’m pregnant, she didnt coook dishes for me (like healthy food to me), she didnt suggest me like pregnancy tips, she didnt bring me to checkup and it so obvious that she dont want me to get pregnant with his son.

    After all the attempts…i decided to hunger myself cause i’m not ready for the baby and all stuff like didnt get to eat healthy food, vitamins all that..when i was having menses, it was painfull for me so i told his mom,that i’m having stomachache and my jaw is pain due to eating hard food, guess what? she is brush me off saying ‘go doctor!’ which she didnt even bring me or..help me calm down the pain..

    my hubby worship her like god! he keep telling me she is the best mom bla bla, she have experience so i should tell her my problems bla bla, to hell with that! my hubby just let her be when she karaoke till late night,i mean whats wrong with u? u have a baby sister who’s craving your mom all the time and ur mom keep avoiding her!

    there’s nothing i can admire his mom, she knows how to cook fry- dishes,worst fried noodles ever, sings karaoke, drink beer, never be at home, good at lyings. i mean, that isnt my ideal mother in law..i’m concern because i’m going to live with her in future!i dont want my kids to stay with a non ‘mother alike’ person, she doesnt change diapers, or shower her baby… so is that a ‘mom alike’?

    dont suggest me that ask me to be friend with her or learn with her…i tried but she’s like a faker, its not wise to tell her my problems or health problems, she twist my words and tell to her friends… suggestions please?

  152. mary says

    Well, I have different problem. Send me otta here if I am on wrong blog site!!!!!!!!!! Can’t seem to find right web site for my problem.

    OK, I am love with a man whose wife has been dead for 4 years, but I have inherited an ex mother-in-law, and a nasty daughter who constantly snubs me. I am thinking about moving in with him, but he is so attached to his ex mother in law, she rules the roost, and lives 2 hours away, but comes up x2 a month to visit. They don’t want to let go of the past, they have pictures of the dead wife all over the place, his place, and decorate the place for every family event. Real tacky,mind you…….She is bossy to me, and to him. I think they are really trying to drive me out. He considres her “Fammmmmmmmily” Ok I can deal with that to a point, but she comes and goes whenever she wants. I try to tell my beau to set boundaries with this, but he wont hear of it. She has own key and stays whenever and how long she wants. I had to spend New Year’s Eve with her and him on the couch watching the New Year come in. Because, he said ,she didn’t have anyone. Oh well, great place to vent, have to sort it out sooner or later. She is telling me what to do, and how to do it, in his house!!!!!!!!!! I want to tell her off so bad…………

    She is 80, and we are both 60, go figure ………….

  153. mary says

    Well, I have different problem. Send me otta here if I am on wrong blog site!!!!!!!!!! Can’t seem to find right web site for my problem.

    OK, I am love with a man whose wife has been dead for 4 years, but I have inherited an ex mother-in-law, and a nasty daughter who constantly snubs me. I am thinking about moving in with him, but he is so attached to his ex mother in law, she rules the roost, and lives 2 hours away, but comes up x2 a month to visit. They don’t want to let go of the past, they have pictures of the dead wife all over the place, his place, and decorate the place for every family event. Real tacky,mind you…….She is bossy to me, and to him. I think they are really trying to drive me out. He considres her “Fammmmmmmmily” Ok I can deal with that to a point, but she comes and goes whenever she wants. I try to tell my beau to set boundaries with this, but he wont hear of it. She has own key and stays whenever and how long she wants. I had to spend New Year’s Eve with her and him on the couch watching the New Year come in. Because, he said ,she didn’t have anyone. Oh well, great place to vent, have to sort it out sooner or later. She is telling me what to do, and how to do it, in his house!!!!!!!!!! I want to tell her off so bad…………

    She is 80, and we are both 60, go figure ………….

  154. mary says

    Hi Jane,

    Just put my story in, and read yours, these mil horror stories are terrible….. I never had to deal with mil until now, and now they are ex mil……to boot.

    Just be cordial to her, and be a lady, dont sink to her level,take all comments from “where it comes” but I tell you this, if I get mad enough and backed into a corner, I will come out fighting.

    Quote of the day

    Better to be pissed off, than pissed on.

    Better a pidgeon than a statue………….. Mary

  155. mary says

    Hi Jane,

    Just put my story in, and read yours, these mil horror stories are terrible….. I never had to deal with mil until now, and now they are ex mil……to boot.

    Just be cordial to her, and be a lady, dont sink to her level,take all comments from “where it comes” but I tell you this, if I get mad enough and backed into a corner, I will come out fighting.

    Quote of the day

    Better to be pissed off, than pissed on.

    Better a pidgeon than a statue………….. Mary

  156. Cher says

    I married a widower two years ago. He had a fabulous marriage. I was careful to respect that relationship and let him know that when we married I would not bury the family’s past. At first, I felt I was competing with his deceased wife to be as great in his eyes as she was. I told him how I was feeling. He was very kind and sweet about it and reassured me that he was not making any comparisons (men tend to love the woman they’re with, you know…:-) ) .

    I insisted that their family photos stay up on the walls and on table tops. I told the children that I would not be changing a thing in the home and that nothing would be discarded without first consulting them. They appreciated that very much. It set the right tone.

    But good communication is key. I took the initiative to let him know how I felt. I did it in a calm and courteous way. I also let his children know how I felt about their mother and their family history.

    His deceased wife’s sister is basically “orphaned” in that all her siblings and both parents have died in the last four years. So I decided to befriend her, and we are building a good sister-in-law kind of relationship. She has felt a great loss, and so she lets me know by her actions that her deceased sister intended for her to be the mother to my husband’s children. I respect her wished and needs, and I take each family event one at a time. She is the center of their lives and in a very real sense the “living” memory of their mother. I am the new person here. I don’t take offense if I’m not included in everything. (for example, my name was not on the daughter’s wedding invitation – her late mother’s name was). The daughter was totally in charge of the plans, and it was more of an over-sight than anything else.

    Before we married, we carefully discussed how to appropriately leave the past behind and be in the “present” with our relationship. This is an on-going discussion. We find times for his family and sister-in-law, and then our own time.

    In fact, at a recent wedding, I told my husband to go a couple of days early so he could spend time with his children by himself, and then I joined the family afterward. I realize it will take time to build these new relationships, but they can only be built on mutual trust and respect, letting the small things go, and making sure the communication is good between me and my husband.

    I would sit down with your boyfriend and discuss how you feel, respecting the family history, and ask for his suggestions for how to resolve it. Be calm and thoughtful. Apologize if you have been rude to him about his mother in law. She is also feeling the loss. If she had a good long-term relationship with her son-in-law, that doesn’t disappear with death. Discuss the appropriate times and situations for that relationship to continue.

    As for his “nasty” daughter – of course she resents you. You’re not her mother and she’s not choosing you. She feels a loss too. When you are sure that you are marrying this man, take the initiative to invite her to lunch or another appropriate time and have a heart-to-heart about this. Let her know you understand how she feels, that it’s perfectly normal and that you respect her mother’s role in her life and that she will always be her mother. Ask her for suggestions for how you and she can build a good relationship. Let her know she can be open with you about how she feels. But only if you have first resolved your feelings with her father and the two of you know your own “game plan.”

    Most important – I would not move in with him under any circumstances. I would get everything resolved first, and then I would still not move in with him. Either marry him – and only if this has been resolved – or move on.

    Be the adult here, not the adolescent.

    My religion believes in the eternal nature of the family, and that marriage is eternal. All of these little jealousies and selfish feelings are only temporary. All will be resolved in the end. Life is short. Let go of the small stuff and work together to find solutions to the big stuff.

  157. Cher says

    I married a widower two years ago. He had a fabulous marriage. I was careful to respect that relationship and let him know that when we married I would not bury the family’s past. At first, I felt I was competing with his deceased wife to be as great in his eyes as she was. I told him how I was feeling. He was very kind and sweet about it and reassured me that he was not making any comparisons (men tend to love the woman they’re with, you know…:-) ) .

    I insisted that their family photos stay up on the walls and on table tops. I told the children that I would not be changing a thing in the home and that nothing would be discarded without first consulting them. They appreciated that very much. It set the right tone.

    But good communication is key. I took the initiative to let him know how I felt. I did it in a calm and courteous way. I also let his children know how I felt about their mother and their family history.

    His deceased wife’s sister is basically “orphaned” in that all her siblings and both parents have died in the last four years. So I decided to befriend her, and we are building a good sister-in-law kind of relationship. She has felt a great loss, and so she lets me know by her actions that her deceased sister intended for her to be the mother to my husband’s children. I respect her wished and needs, and I take each family event one at a time. She is the center of their lives and in a very real sense the “living” memory of their mother. I am the new person here. I don’t take offense if I’m not included in everything. (for example, my name was not on the daughter’s wedding invitation – her late mother’s name was). The daughter was totally in charge of the plans, and it was more of an over-sight than anything else.

    Before we married, we carefully discussed how to appropriately leave the past behind and be in the “present” with our relationship. This is an on-going discussion. We find times for his family and sister-in-law, and then our own time.

    In fact, at a recent wedding, I told my husband to go a couple of days early so he could spend time with his children by himself, and then I joined the family afterward. I realize it will take time to build these new relationships, but they can only be built on mutual trust and respect, letting the small things go, and making sure the communication is good between me and my husband.

    I would sit down with your boyfriend and discuss how you feel, respecting the family history, and ask for his suggestions for how to resolve it. Be calm and thoughtful. Apologize if you have been rude to him about his mother in law. She is also feeling the loss. If she had a good long-term relationship with her son-in-law, that doesn’t disappear with death. Discuss the appropriate times and situations for that relationship to continue.

    As for his “nasty” daughter – of course she resents you. You’re not her mother and she’s not choosing you. She feels a loss too. When you are sure that you are marrying this man, take the initiative to invite her to lunch or another appropriate time and have a heart-to-heart about this. Let her know you understand how she feels, that it’s perfectly normal and that you respect her mother’s role in her life and that she will always be her mother. Ask her for suggestions for how you and she can build a good relationship. Let her know she can be open with you about how she feels. But only if you have first resolved your feelings with her father and the two of you know your own “game plan.”

    Most important – I would not move in with him under any circumstances. I would get everything resolved first, and then I would still not move in with him. Either marry him – and only if this has been resolved – or move on.

    Be the adult here, not the adolescent.

    My religion believes in the eternal nature of the family, and that marriage is eternal. All of these little jealousies and selfish feelings are only temporary. All will be resolved in the end. Life is short. Let go of the small stuff and work together to find solutions to the big stuff.

  158. Rose says

    i feel everyone of you! i absolutely hate my mother in law! she is a manipulating vindictive cruel woman. she is jelous that her son is living his life but wont let him be happy. She is such a hipacrit infront of my husband she tells me how much she cares for me and sees me as her daughter, but behind both our backs she tells the whole world lies about me and turns everyone that we know against me. Ive seen how her family looks at me the first time i meet them. And people have told me the awful stories shes made up about me. She completely controls every move that my husband makes and my husband being the puppet does everything she says! im so tired of her Bull. Everytime i try to talk to my husband about his mother and the things she does and the little rude remarks she makes he gets mad at me, takes her side and fights with me about it…he tells me that if i dont like it to leave… and that upsets me. weve been togeather almost 5 years and he still hasnt come around, even after we got our own place she comes over with her 2 young daughters and spends the whole weekend with us every single weekend and when she leaves she cries and wont let go of my husband telling him how much she loves him and cares about us… blah blah blah shes just losing control over her son and dosnt know what to do. But that dosnt stop her, she will go to any extremes to have her “son” by her side. whats funny is she has another son who is younger than my husband who is married with a child and shes not selfish or jelous with him. When she gets drunk she gets all crazy its like if a demon gets inside of her and hits everyone and tries to kill herself .. but for some strange reason when my husband arrieves she calms down but wont let him go and starts crying and complaining that he dosnt love her..I know she does these little shows to get attention from him, shes so annoying theres times i cant take it anymore because my husband fights with me when i try to tell him about her he thinks she is the most innocent loving person ever but to me she is the most jelous greedy horrible person in the world. it may sound crazy but i think she sees him more as a man than a son. She makes him do everything for her as if he were her husband.. and having a husband..seems like she prefers mine. any advice?

  159. Rose says

    i feel everyone of you! i absolutely hate my mother in law! she is a manipulating vindictive cruel woman. she is jelous that her son is living his life but wont let him be happy. She is such a hipacrit infront of my husband she tells me how much she cares for me and sees me as her daughter, but behind both our backs she tells the whole world lies about me and turns everyone that we know against me. Ive seen how her family looks at me the first time i meet them. And people have told me the awful stories shes made up about me. She completely controls every move that my husband makes and my husband being the puppet does everything she says! im so tired of her Bull. Everytime i try to talk to my husband about his mother and the things she does and the little rude remarks she makes he gets mad at me, takes her side and fights with me about it…he tells me that if i dont like it to leave… and that upsets me. weve been togeather almost 5 years and he still hasnt come around, even after we got our own place she comes over with her 2 young daughters and spends the whole weekend with us every single weekend and when she leaves she cries and wont let go of my husband telling him how much she loves him and cares about us… blah blah blah shes just losing control over her son and dosnt know what to do. But that dosnt stop her, she will go to any extremes to have her “son” by her side. whats funny is she has another son who is younger than my husband who is married with a child and shes not selfish or jelous with him. When she gets drunk she gets all crazy its like if a demon gets inside of her and hits everyone and tries to kill herself .. but for some strange reason when my husband arrieves she calms down but wont let him go and starts crying and complaining that he dosnt love her..I know she does these little shows to get attention from him, shes so annoying theres times i cant take it anymore because my husband fights with me when i try to tell him about her he thinks she is the most innocent loving person ever but to me she is the most jelous greedy horrible person in the world. it may sound crazy but i think she sees him more as a man than a son. She makes him do everything for her as if he were her husband.. and having a husband..seems like she prefers mine. any advice?

  160. Mary says

    My post is directed to Cher

    Thanks Cher, you are great, spoken like a consellor????????????

    I have lots to sort out for sure, apprecaite your feedback, and will take it to heart.

    Just hope it is not too big a mountain to climb.

    Mary

  161. Mary says

    My post is directed to Cher

    Thanks Cher, you are great, spoken like a consellor????????????

    I have lots to sort out for sure, apprecaite your feedback, and will take it to heart.

    Just hope it is not too big a mountain to climb.

    Mary

  162. noree says

    I undertand how you feel dealin with a mil is never fun. its a hard situation dealing with any mil I hope you find some kind of peace of mind.

  163. says

    I undertand how you feel dealin with a mil is never fun. its a hard situation dealing with any mil I hope you find some kind of peace of mind.

  164. noree says

    if you are able to be super busy when she wants to come around with baby and me classes or anything to stay away going up against these woman never works the are like predator we are like prey no matter how strong,smart we are.sometimes avoiding them being busy with the hubby or kids or your own job life housework whatevr sometimes can give u some peace of mind and if you can stay away till they sleep that helps too unless you like me I live in an area where there is no public transpo and I have to depend on her it so very much sucks she always throws it in my face and she is rude and condesending she talks to me very disrespectfully and I don’t have enough money to get away from her I can’t stand her she makes me sick to my stomach she constantly judges me and trys to tell me how to live my life shes always critical of everything I do nothing is good enough when I wash dishes she washes them over when I wash clothes she washes them over she goes in our room and goes through our stuuf she interferes with our private intimate business she tells me I don’t know how to do anything without her and I’m sick of her if I had a car of my own I wouldn’t come home till the end of the day and avoid her like the plague I wish I could move out of th country to be away from her ignorance.

  165. noree says

    if you are able to be super busy when she wants to come around with baby and me classes or anything to stay away going up against these woman never works the are like predator we are like prey no matter how strong,smart we are.sometimes avoiding them being busy with the hubby or kids or your own job life housework whatevr sometimes can give u some peace of mind and if you can stay away till they sleep that helps too unless you like me I live in an area where there is no public transpo and I have to depend on her it so very much sucks she always throws it in my face and she is rude and condesending she talks to me very disrespectfully and I don’t have enough money to get away from her I can’t stand her she makes me sick to my stomach she constantly judges me and trys to tell me how to live my life shes always critical of everything I do nothing is good enough when I wash dishes she washes them over when I wash clothes she washes them over she goes in our room and goes through our stuuf she interferes with our private intimate business she tells me I don’t know how to do anything without her and I’m sick of her if I had a car of my own I wouldn’t come home till the end of the day and avoid her like the plague I wish I could move out of th country to be away from her ignorance.

  166. NotCrustyEnough says

    T-minus 3 days until our wedding and I am freaking out. Reading all of the past YEARS rants about other crazying f-ing MIL’s helps, but only to know that I am not alone. I was crazy to think that there would be a solution and we could turn crazy into happy. I don’t have time to go into it now, because I have to go on a run to pound out the pissed-offed-ness, but I will. For now I am thinking this: 1) have the best time I can on our wedding weekend, because she is such a miserable wench, with not a clue how to make a friend or show love, that seeing that I DO will make her insane, and hopefully send her to a mental hospital FAR FAR away. 2) smash up some valium and put it into her drink

    I actually just can’t wait for hte whole thing to be over (the wedding) and can’t believe that I am facing this event purely thinking about survival.

    I really don’t understand where people like this come from.

  167. NotCrustyEnough says

    T-minus 3 days until our wedding and I am freaking out. Reading all of the past YEARS rants about other crazying f-ing MIL’s helps, but only to know that I am not alone. I was crazy to think that there would be a solution and we could turn crazy into happy. I don’t have time to go into it now, because I have to go on a run to pound out the pissed-offed-ness, but I will. For now I am thinking this: 1) have the best time I can on our wedding weekend, because she is such a miserable wench, with not a clue how to make a friend or show love, that seeing that I DO will make her insane, and hopefully send her to a mental hospital FAR FAR away. 2) smash up some valium and put it into her drink

    I actually just can’t wait for hte whole thing to be over (the wedding) and can’t believe that I am facing this event purely thinking about survival.

    I really don’t understand where people like this come from.

  168. Mary says

    I think the green eyed monster can raise its ugly head.because it can.

    As to the husband not coming to bat for you, I would really be disappointed in that, and feel very betrayed………

    It is very hard for people to change, this sounds like a good tv show for Dr.Phil.

    It will only get worse if you let it, we have to put up or move on….

  169. Mary says

    I think the green eyed monster can raise its ugly head.because it can.

    As to the husband not coming to bat for you, I would really be disappointed in that, and feel very betrayed………

    It is very hard for people to change, this sounds like a good tv show for Dr.Phil.

    It will only get worse if you let it, we have to put up or move on….

  170. sandredy says

    where do i start… i have been married for fifteen years over the course of those years my mil has said some terrible things to me and her son. However, just recently she was evicted from her trailer and has been staying with us. Here is my problem, she has three warehouses full of stuff. One warehouse has her beauty shop equipment in it that she plans on opening another one (she is 81 years old) she has held on to this stuff for the fifteen years i’ve known her and will not get rid of any of it. She can’t afford anywhere to stay because of these warehouses. She is constantly accusing me, my kids, her son of taking her things (she has misplaced them) we will find them in the yard or on top of her car where she left them. Recently she found what she claims is elvis’s license in an old purse of a friend. She was determined that is was real. I got on the internet and showed her where you can buy fake license for different stars, she still didn’t believe me.. the next day she told my daughter that someone stole her elvis license and replaced it with another one because hers had a yellow background and the one she has now is white. The bitch is crazy and dilusional. My husband has been supporting her over the past fifteen years until he finally told her no more money and now that is why she is staying with us, she was using the money we were giving her to pay on her three warehouses and not her rent. One day she told her son she didn’t have gas for her car, he took a gas container we had (getting ready for hurricane) and started to fill her car, except her car was already full of gas, she lied to him because she thought he would give her money. she drives me crazy. helpp!

  171. sandredy says

    where do i start… i have been married for fifteen years over the course of those years my mil has said some terrible things to me and her son. However, just recently she was evicted from her trailer and has been staying with us. Here is my problem, she has three warehouses full of stuff. One warehouse has her beauty shop equipment in it that she plans on opening another one (she is 81 years old) she has held on to this stuff for the fifteen years i’ve known her and will not get rid of any of it. She can’t afford anywhere to stay because of these warehouses. She is constantly accusing me, my kids, her son of taking her things (she has misplaced them) we will find them in the yard or on top of her car where she left them. Recently she found what she claims is elvis’s license in an old purse of a friend. She was determined that is was real. I got on the internet and showed her where you can buy fake license for different stars, she still didn’t believe me.. the next day she told my daughter that someone stole her elvis license and replaced it with another one because hers had a yellow background and the one she has now is white. The bitch is crazy and dilusional. My husband has been supporting her over the past fifteen years until he finally told her no more money and now that is why she is staying with us, she was using the money we were giving her to pay on her three warehouses and not her rent. One day she told her son she didn’t have gas for her car, he took a gas container we had (getting ready for hurricane) and started to fill her car, except her car was already full of gas, she lied to him because she thought he would give her money. she drives me crazy. helpp!

  172. sara says

    i got a divorce because of my evil monster in law! she was following me & spying on me while my husband was out of town, she would accuse me of having affairs with all my male friends. when my father died she did even pay any kind of respects! now years later she’s still telling anyone who will read her comments what a whore i am! she is the one person in this world that could die and it would bring a smile to my face!

  173. sara says

    i got a divorce because of my evil monster in law! she was following me & spying on me while my husband was out of town, she would accuse me of having affairs with all my male friends. when my father died she did even pay any kind of respects! now years later she’s still telling anyone who will read her comments what a whore i am! she is the one person in this world that could die and it would bring a smile to my face!

  174. Sann says

    Since the birth of my son my mama tiger has come out BIG time.

    I can’t help but be mean, direct and to the point, I say No now and I make them feel as uncomfortable as possible when they visit.

    I have had it with pretending to like them and putting on a face. No more.

    The shit is really beginning to hit the fan – and I don’t care :D

  175. Sann says

    Since the birth of my son my mama tiger has come out BIG time.

    I can’t help but be mean, direct and to the point, I say No now and I make them feel as uncomfortable as possible when they visit.

    I have had it with pretending to like them and putting on a face. No more.

    The shit is really beginning to hit the fan – and I don’t care :D

  176. J-e11even says

    We never ask my MIL for help of any kind because it always comes with the price of being reminded of it all the time. She is such a B@#$%, in all CAPITALS!

    I know what you mean about your MIL not loving her children like a mother should. Mine actually ranked her children by looks.

  177. J-e11even says

    We never ask my MIL for help of any kind because it always comes with the price of being reminded of it all the time. She is such a B@#$%, in all CAPITALS!

    I know what you mean about your MIL not loving her children like a mother should. Mine actually ranked her children by looks.

  178. e.w. says

    How about a DIL giving a new MIL a very serious dose of the silent treatment. It’s an awful situation. I had the most wonedeful MIL for 18 years before she passed away. Ironic for this site, but she was a perfect MIL in every way. I wanted to be like her to my new DIL, but she has not spoken a word to me all the time she was dating my son. My friends say that it is my son’s fault – he must have complained to her about me. I say that I must have done something wrong for her to form this highly negative opinion about me. What do you say?

  179. e.w. says

    How about a DIL giving a new MIL a very serious dose of the silent treatment. It’s an awful situation. I had the most wonedeful MIL for 18 years before she passed away. Ironic for this site, but she was a perfect MIL in every way. I wanted to be like her to my new DIL, but she has not spoken a word to me all the time she was dating my son. My friends say that it is my son’s fault – he must have complained to her about me. I say that I must have done something wrong for her to form this highly negative opinion about me. What do you say?

  180. Finallyfree says

    Hmmm…. Your DIL is giving you the silent treatment?

    Do you think she may be intimidated? Does she have a relationship with her own mom? If so or not, was it a healthy relationship? Do you and your son get along well? Perhaps she is respecting his wishes and he has asked that she not have relationship with you. Have you tried talking to her and she completely ignores you? Even on her wedding day?

    These are all things I would take into consideration. I am glad you have/had a great MIL. That is not always the case. If the above questions are not helpful enough, my best advice is to let her be and to not take it personally. I know, easier said then done but kill her with kindness both in her presence and when talking about her to others; and I am sure she will come around.

    Best of luck! :o)

  181. Finallyfree says

    Hmmm…. Your DIL is giving you the silent treatment?

    Do you think she may be intimidated? Does she have a relationship with her own mom? If so or not, was it a healthy relationship? Do you and your son get along well? Perhaps she is respecting his wishes and he has asked that she not have relationship with you. Have you tried talking to her and she completely ignores you? Even on her wedding day?

    These are all things I would take into consideration. I am glad you have/had a great MIL. That is not always the case. If the above questions are not helpful enough, my best advice is to let her be and to not take it personally. I know, easier said then done but kill her with kindness both in her presence and when talking about her to others; and I am sure she will come around.

    Best of luck! :o)

  182. sue says

    I’m so glad i found this. I’m right there with you. Your MIL sounds just like mine but mine is evil and crazy on top of being horrible. The worst part is i HAVE to live with my MIL. She makes my life a living hell on a daily basis and i think she enjoys doing it. I love my hubby but i can’t stand his Mom and that’s putting it nicely.

  183. sue says

    I’m so glad i found this. I’m right there with you. Your MIL sounds just like mine but mine is evil and crazy on top of being horrible. The worst part is i HAVE to live with my MIL. She makes my life a living hell on a daily basis and i think she enjoys doing it. I love my hubby but i can’t stand his Mom and that’s putting it nicely.

  184. yasmine says

    i live now in europe and my mother in law for some reason hates me so much.I said nothing about it to her for almost 2 years.I would go on week ends to their place with my boyfriend and for a whole week end none of the family members would try to make conversation with me.I wouldn’ t know what to do cause we did not get out much and i can not drive so good.The kids watched a lot of tv, and the rest of the family would just stare at newspapers and do cross words.The father although introvert is the only one who ever showed interest and asked me about myself and my family.He is a very nice man.During meals, it would be always so silent like somebody died, and of course no one talked to me exept my boyfriend.But silence during meals is wierd for me cause i am from the south where people like to enjoy their meal but also people around the table.Even though i did learn the language, they came up with the excuse that i speak english and it’ s difficult and so on, i mean i tried why wouldn’ t they at least once give it a shot??.I have been respectful, giving presents, bringing stuff from my country.Lately my future mother in law confessed to me how mad she was at her son cause he was irresponsible in the past etc…and i got courage to tell her up front and center, when we were alone, that i had the feeling she did not like me at all.I was relieved, when she said:who me?no…no, it’ s just that u speak english .i thought it’ s the way of the country not to go over it too much.Like “no “was enough to explain she liked me.But today she refused to take responsability for ruining her son’ s life by always thinking negative about him and always putting pressure and expecting the worse.She always talks about him ending up under a bridge which will never help to give him confidence to be better.She was angry two weeks ago and told me how mad she was at her son and that he just takes adavantage of her money…i know him, i live with him and he’ s absolutelly not like that.Everytime she comes to our place, she needs to buy him stuff, or for me(to make sure she shows her love….to be proved….).She gives money away, when we don’ t ask anything.And then it turns around if we do not want to do it her way.She gets mad and yells of how spoiled her son is and how she sacrificed for him.But i was there, we say no to any material new stuff, but she insists and gets a bit pissed, and we have no choice.When i went to visit my own family in my own country, she came and bought a brand new washmachine.Now we are moving out to another flat and she keeps on bragging about how expensive the kitchen we have was.Basicly just to make sure i get the message that it’ s hers.She even reminds me too often that she still has the bill.And today after a fight with her son who feels pressured, she denied everything about what she ever said about him.She said that i made it up, that i said all the stuff, that i chose to move out to another flat(like i would live a 70sm for a 42sm>>>just to piss her off>hello??), cause here it’ s a family building.When she’ s the one who even said on my birthday that her son should move to the same city as her and she even got him a job idea.She totally did not take responsability about what she said behind his back and then told me i was the reason that her family is breaking appart.That hurt my feelings so much and it will never go away . This sentence will always be in my head cause it means that i have the personnality to break families,and that is insulting to me, and i wanted her to stop messing up everything but she strictly told me to shut my mouth.That was the point where my heart broke:i’ d never dare to tell her to shut her mouth with an order kind of tone.And even if i am pissed, you don’ t do that.

    I am still under shock cause i never meant to dislike her and now i do, because who’ d do such a thing? let her own son think that i made all this up, try to make troubles, go to her home and let me pick up the pieces.I have never done anything wrong to her.And i beared a lot of quiet, boring and uncomfortable week ends just so my boyfriend could see his family.And that is concession not breaking a family appart.I am so sad right now cause i never meant to dislike her, but i will no matter what, cause she insulted me, accused me of horrible things and i hate cowards who don’ t face their own words and put it on other people’ s mouth, risking a huge break up with a man i simply love more than my life.I could never forgive her, but i’ d never change, my boyfriend will keep a relationship and i will stay correct cause asking my bf to chose is just unfair.

  185. yasmine says

    i live now in europe and my mother in law for some reason hates me so much.I said nothing about it to her for almost 2 years.I would go on week ends to their place with my boyfriend and for a whole week end none of the family members would try to make conversation with me.I wouldn’ t know what to do cause we did not get out much and i can not drive so good.The kids watched a lot of tv, and the rest of the family would just stare at newspapers and do cross words.The father although introvert is the only one who ever showed interest and asked me about myself and my family.He is a very nice man.During meals, it would be always so silent like somebody died, and of course no one talked to me exept my boyfriend.But silence during meals is wierd for me cause i am from the south where people like to enjoy their meal but also people around the table.Even though i did learn the language, they came up with the excuse that i speak english and it’ s difficult and so on, i mean i tried why wouldn’ t they at least once give it a shot??.I have been respectful, giving presents, bringing stuff from my country.Lately my future mother in law confessed to me how mad she was at her son cause he was irresponsible in the past etc…and i got courage to tell her up front and center, when we were alone, that i had the feeling she did not like me at all.I was relieved, when she said:who me?no…no, it’ s just that u speak english .i thought it’ s the way of the country not to go over it too much.Like “no “was enough to explain she liked me.But today she refused to take responsability for ruining her son’ s life by always thinking negative about him and always putting pressure and expecting the worse.She always talks about him ending up under a bridge which will never help to give him confidence to be better.She was angry two weeks ago and told me how mad she was at her son and that he just takes adavantage of her money…i know him, i live with him and he’ s absolutelly not like that.Everytime she comes to our place, she needs to buy him stuff, or for me(to make sure she shows her love….to be proved….).She gives money away, when we don’ t ask anything.And then it turns around if we do not want to do it her way.She gets mad and yells of how spoiled her son is and how she sacrificed for him.But i was there, we say no to any material new stuff, but she insists and gets a bit pissed, and we have no choice.When i went to visit my own family in my own country, she came and bought a brand new washmachine.Now we are moving out to another flat and she keeps on bragging about how expensive the kitchen we have was.Basicly just to make sure i get the message that it’ s hers.She even reminds me too often that she still has the bill.And today after a fight with her son who feels pressured, she denied everything about what she ever said about him.She said that i made it up, that i said all the stuff, that i chose to move out to another flat(like i would live a 70sm for a 42sm>>>just to piss her off>hello??), cause here it’ s a family building.When she’ s the one who even said on my birthday that her son should move to the same city as her and she even got him a job idea.She totally did not take responsability about what she said behind his back and then told me i was the reason that her family is breaking appart.That hurt my feelings so much and it will never go away . This sentence will always be in my head cause it means that i have the personnality to break families,and that is insulting to me, and i wanted her to stop messing up everything but she strictly told me to shut my mouth.That was the point where my heart broke:i’ d never dare to tell her to shut her mouth with an order kind of tone.And even if i am pissed, you don’ t do that.

    I am still under shock cause i never meant to dislike her and now i do, because who’ d do such a thing? let her own son think that i made all this up, try to make troubles, go to her home and let me pick up the pieces.I have never done anything wrong to her.And i beared a lot of quiet, boring and uncomfortable week ends just so my boyfriend could see his family.And that is concession not breaking a family appart.I am so sad right now cause i never meant to dislike her, but i will no matter what, cause she insulted me, accused me of horrible things and i hate cowards who don’ t face their own words and put it on other people’ s mouth, risking a huge break up with a man i simply love more than my life.I could never forgive her, but i’ d never change, my boyfriend will keep a relationship and i will stay correct cause asking my bf to chose is just unfair.

  186. Amazingnothing says

    Hey ladies! I posted on here before when b/f and I were house hunting. Well, we found a house with an attached apartment for his mom… we’ve spent the last few months fixing it up for her, it’s really nice now—tile floors, all new appliances, high ceilings, 2 bed, bath, kitchen, living room, and a back porch with storage. Any free loading mom’s dream, right? Not so much. Her first day here, she cried saying it was too small… then later, she cried some more and told me that if I was mean to her or if her son was mean to her, that she’d kill herself, and that her son is the only reason she’s alive. (I guess the other 6 sons don’t count). I was nice still, I kinda have to be now right? Looming suicide is not a great motivation for kindness, but I’m trying. She was invited to my family thanksgiving, and shown warmth from everyone there. I had spent 2 days making 7 pies, because that many people had requests… hers was apple. It turned out great, and everyone else was praising the pies, which I was really glad about. She wasn’t… she was looking at the pie on her plate like someone had just vomited on it, and didn’t eat it at all, didn’t even taste it. Then when we were all relaxing and enjoying each other’s company, she put on her glasses and coat and just stood there by the door. I couldn’t believe it, everyone was so nice, and there she was just deciding that we were leaving. It was terrible… a lot of the people that were there from the east and west coasts, and I won’t be able to see them for months at least. Anyway, the rudeness and threats of suicide continue, and I’m still trying to be nice. I wait til I’m alone to break down about it, don’t want to make b/f feel any worse. Oh yea, he finally asked me to marry him.

    How did your holidays go so far everyone?

    Thanks for being here—you are all blessings to me.

  187. Amazingnothing says

    Hey ladies! I posted on here before when b/f and I were house hunting. Well, we found a house with an attached apartment for his mom… we’ve spent the last few months fixing it up for her, it’s really nice now—tile floors, all new appliances, high ceilings, 2 bed, bath, kitchen, living room, and a back porch with storage. Any free loading mom’s dream, right? Not so much. Her first day here, she cried saying it was too small… then later, she cried some more and told me that if I was mean to her or if her son was mean to her, that she’d kill herself, and that her son is the only reason she’s alive. (I guess the other 6 sons don’t count). I was nice still, I kinda have to be now right? Looming suicide is not a great motivation for kindness, but I’m trying. She was invited to my family thanksgiving, and shown warmth from everyone there. I had spent 2 days making 7 pies, because that many people had requests… hers was apple. It turned out great, and everyone else was praising the pies, which I was really glad about. She wasn’t… she was looking at the pie on her plate like someone had just vomited on it, and didn’t eat it at all, didn’t even taste it. Then when we were all relaxing and enjoying each other’s company, she put on her glasses and coat and just stood there by the door. I couldn’t believe it, everyone was so nice, and there she was just deciding that we were leaving. It was terrible… a lot of the people that were there from the east and west coasts, and I won’t be able to see them for months at least. Anyway, the rudeness and threats of suicide continue, and I’m still trying to be nice. I wait til I’m alone to break down about it, don’t want to make b/f feel any worse. Oh yea, he finally asked me to marry him.

    How did your holidays go so far everyone?

    Thanks for being here—you are all blessings to me.

  188. Mrs. Crazy says

    I’m so relieved to read all your stories. My MIL was really lovely before my now husband proposed to me. The rest of the family is really great, and we all have to have regular pow-wow’s about how to handle his crazy mother. We live far away, but that hasn’t stopped her from ruining every special moment, anniversary or holiday. I know that she will never change, and my poor husband will have to deal with her abusive words for the rest of her life, but reading all these similar stories will definitely help me get through the holidays! I’m not worried about her liking me, I just don’t want to snap on her, and make the holidays any worse for the rest of the family. There is no reasoning with crazy, so I try my best to play dumb as she insults me, and once in a while I get one back in. :-) I’ve tried to be tolerant and sympathetic because I know she’s never had to deal with losing control of a child (yes, she destroyed her daughters marriage by interfering). I also try to be understanding for my husband, because although she treats me very badly, she treats everyone badly at some point or another, so we’ve all felt the wrath.

    Thank you all for your stories! You will give me the strength to survive the holidays!

  189. Mrs. Crazy says

    I’m so relieved to read all your stories. My MIL was really lovely before my now husband proposed to me. The rest of the family is really great, and we all have to have regular pow-wow’s about how to handle his crazy mother. We live far away, but that hasn’t stopped her from ruining every special moment, anniversary or holiday. I know that she will never change, and my poor husband will have to deal with her abusive words for the rest of her life, but reading all these similar stories will definitely help me get through the holidays! I’m not worried about her liking me, I just don’t want to snap on her, and make the holidays any worse for the rest of the family. There is no reasoning with crazy, so I try my best to play dumb as she insults me, and once in a while I get one back in. :-) I’ve tried to be tolerant and sympathetic because I know she’s never had to deal with losing control of a child (yes, she destroyed her daughters marriage by interfering). I also try to be understanding for my husband, because although she treats me very badly, she treats everyone badly at some point or another, so we’ve all felt the wrath.

    Thank you all for your stories! You will give me the strength to survive the holidays!

  190. Comments from a Husband says

    Hello Ladies,

    I have read many of the comments in this site and I’m sad to see that so many women hate their mother in laws, I am not writting to judge your reasons for hating or disliking them, I just want to write and give a perspective from a husband. I found this blog because I also have a wife who dislikes my mother. Many husbands grow up in a house where a mother is either nurturing or insensative. If a male grows up in a household where the parents or mother was not nurturing then most likely the son will be very distant from the parents thus the mother upon reaching adulthood. In such cases, upon marriage a husband if married to a woman who loves and understands him, will have very little of a relatioship with the parents….this will occur because the husband will be drawn to where he feels love and appreciated, which is what every human being wants…….On the other hand, there are husbands that grow up in nurturing homes where the parents have done so much for the son that upon reaching adulthood the man, son, and eventually husband wants to maintain a good relationship with his parents…the reason for this is because he loves them….when a man then becomes married he finds in his wife, well hopefully, a woman who will accept him for who he is and will accept his family and love him and everything about him….unfortunately, this is not the case because many woman hate the husband’s family especially the mother…as a husband who has had a good relationship with his mother it is heartbreaking to see the people whom you love most be at war…it is a difficult situation to be placed in the middle and although we side with our wives we feel sad that we hurt our mother’s..sometimes there is no doubt that a husband’s mother is inconsequential with her words or actions but they are no different than the actions and words that sometimes wife’s use against their husband’s or the wives family use against the husband…I have many examples of my wive’s behaviour being negative and I also have examples of my mother being negative in behaviour…..I guess at the end of the day what wives need to understand is that a husband wants to see the wive try to get along and not be so defensive – there are things which really are no big deal but because we are defensive they seem bigger than they are and we are so full of anger that everything is annoying….one of the most beatiful stances of love was written by Paul, and although I’m not trying to preach to you, it should be considered…love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast in evil but rejoices in good, love fogives all things and believes in all things….in the end, we want to live in love and harmony for the good of the family, the children, and grandchildren….if we sit back for a moment and meditate on love then maybe, just maybe we would be able to let go of our anger and forgive words which are many times spoken out of anger…..I hope we are able to find peace specially in the spirit of the holidays.

  191. Comments from a Husband says

    Hello Ladies,

    I have read many of the comments in this site and I’m sad to see that so many women hate their mother in laws, I am not writting to judge your reasons for hating or disliking them, I just want to write and give a perspective from a husband. I found this blog because I also have a wife who dislikes my mother. Many husbands grow up in a house where a mother is either nurturing or insensative. If a male grows up in a household where the parents or mother was not nurturing then most likely the son will be very distant from the parents thus the mother upon reaching adulthood. In such cases, upon marriage a husband if married to a woman who loves and understands him, will have very little of a relatioship with the parents….this will occur because the husband will be drawn to where he feels love and appreciated, which is what every human being wants…….On the other hand, there are husbands that grow up in nurturing homes where the parents have done so much for the son that upon reaching adulthood the man, son, and eventually husband wants to maintain a good relationship with his parents…the reason for this is because he loves them….when a man then becomes married he finds in his wife, well hopefully, a woman who will accept him for who he is and will accept his family and love him and everything about him….unfortunately, this is not the case because many woman hate the husband’s family especially the mother…as a husband who has had a good relationship with his mother it is heartbreaking to see the people whom you love most be at war…it is a difficult situation to be placed in the middle and although we side with our wives we feel sad that we hurt our mother’s..sometimes there is no doubt that a husband’s mother is inconsequential with her words or actions but they are no different than the actions and words that sometimes wife’s use against their husband’s or the wives family use against the husband…I have many examples of my wive’s behaviour being negative and I also have examples of my mother being negative in behaviour…..I guess at the end of the day what wives need to understand is that a husband wants to see the wive try to get along and not be so defensive – there are things which really are no big deal but because we are defensive they seem bigger than they are and we are so full of anger that everything is annoying….one of the most beatiful stances of love was written by Paul, and although I’m not trying to preach to you, it should be considered…love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast in evil but rejoices in good, love fogives all things and believes in all things….in the end, we want to live in love and harmony for the good of the family, the children, and grandchildren….if we sit back for a moment and meditate on love then maybe, just maybe we would be able to let go of our anger and forgive words which are many times spoken out of anger…..I hope we are able to find peace specially in the spirit of the holidays.

  192. Georgia says

    Yea, I’m with ya too. My husband isn’t working and I’m supporting us. Thanks to my husband, he went and told his mother all of our issues.. My MIL told me to pick up some extra shifts and SUPPORT MY HUSBAND!! She said she could of caused me more problems than I could only imagined, but she didn’t want to cause her son anymore grief. He needs to be married to his mother… I don’t have any respect for her and loosing it for my husband.. Oh and she told my son of previous marriage, that I don’t appreciate anything and told him to tell me that she was mad at me.. A 9 yr old that should be in the middle of.. Can you say WT…She’s problems ahead and so is my husband… Go figure, Mama’s Boy!!

  193. Georgia says

    Yea, I’m with ya too. My husband isn’t working and I’m supporting us. Thanks to my husband, he went and told his mother all of our issues.. My MIL told me to pick up some extra shifts and SUPPORT MY HUSBAND!! She said she could of caused me more problems than I could only imagined, but she didn’t want to cause her son anymore grief. He needs to be married to his mother… I don’t have any respect for her and loosing it for my husband.. Oh and she told my son of previous marriage, that I don’t appreciate anything and told him to tell me that she was mad at me.. A 9 yr old that should be in the middle of.. Can you say WT…She’s problems ahead and so is my husband… Go figure, Mama’s Boy!!

  194. H L O says

    The Christmas is really killing me here all because I hate my sister in law and dislike my parents in law. My husband is serving overseas and I cant deal this all alone so I figured I tried and get a feeling of this site.

  195. Jolee says

    Cher, I don’t think being nice to my MIL helps becos I tried that with her for 5 years and still can’t get her to like me. I feel if that person hates you for taking her son away, nothing will make her feel better. And now, she’s trying to poison my daughter’s mind that i’m not a good mother nor wife. i just hope God will take her somewhere safe (from us) soon!

  196. Finallyfree says

    Hello “Comment From a Husband.”

    I am sorry you are in a frustrating situation (pitted between your wife and mother). I must admit it is interesting to hear another perspective. I agree that we should all “try to get along.” And yes, we wives can get defensive at times…

    That being said, have you ever sat down and questioned your wife about why she feels the way she does? Yes she vents to you, but have you ever asked her deep questions about her disdain for your mother? Someone you love so much. If you have asked her, have you ever tried to understand how your mothers actions could have hurt her so deeply? And if your mother is acting childish, have you asked these same questions of her? Additionally, you need to express how her family hurts you.

    Ideally, we would all get along in this world, but life is not that simple. There are just as many mothers that cannot let go of the hierarchical position in their sons life as there are wives that refuse to allow a connection between her husband and his mother; and sons who neglect to see the ” Norman bates bond” they have with “mother.”

    There is a side to every story as each marriage is different. I personally have given my mother-in-law nothing but kindness and yet I am continually drug through dirt. Instead of getting angry and even, I have a husband who loves and supports me and will not tolerate the actions of his mother. Mind you she nurtured him and created a wonderful man, but then never learned to let him be his OWN man.

    The bottom line is, there is a fine line between what is forgivable…and too often we let people get away with things simply because they are family. If you were to take a step back and analyze the actions of a destructive person in your life, would you honestly keep them in your circle if you did not feel morally obligated to do so? Love and respect go both ways. You have to give it to receive it. As much as you love your mother, you are in no way shape or form OBLIGATED to maintain a relationship with her. To have an adult relationship with your parents is a blessing, not due, payment or entitlement–like so many mothers will tell you.

    I appreciate your input. I hope you and your wife are able to work things out so that you are both happy and comfortable.

  197. motherinlaws-yuk says

    i cant belive the storys on here im sure u lot spy on me and write my life down i cant stand my mil i have tryed for 10yrs to get along with her and bit my tounge when the comments start like ur fridge never has food in ,all u feed my son is curry,you have to invite uncle so and so who you have never met to your £100 a head wedding then taking a huff when we dont i have absolutly had enugh and i dont want to see her ever but i want my hubby to see her its his mom so lets see how this pans out !! mmmm

  198. rose says

    My mother in law straight out tells my husband infront of me..”im your mother, i come first then your wife” and she is always telling him that just because she brought him into this world shes all that matters … she dosnt understand the concept of family. when you have your own family they come first…but no she says that she always comes first and that i put things in his head just because i tell him how it should be! i cant stand that crazy bitch. she has a key to my house and when i confronted her about it she told me well im his family your not im his mother and hes my son and im never gonna let him go…she dosnt understnad that its not right for her to come into my house when she feels like it, that hes a married man trying to be his own man but she wont let him because she brain washes him. everything she says he agrees with…so now he also thinks there is no prob with his mother having a key to my house and coming in when we arnt home,, and that a role of a wife is just to clean and take care of the husband and the kids,and that a wife means nothing more. i mean i dont care if she comes over and visits, but she just shouldnt have a key! im so gonna change the lock

  199. AJB says

    My mother in law is a horrible person!! She really wants to end our marriage, so she can have her son at home taking care of her and everything while she does drugs all day. She hasn’t accomplished anything in life. She is a completely failure and could not handle her sons succes. She is really evil. And it’s sad. She’s been waiting all her life for her aunt to die so she can put her hands in the money. Now the old lady is looking tired and sick and all she talks about is that! She has done everything to separate us, but she knows that she can’t. So she’s been trying to manipulate me to make wrong decisions in our wedding. She is crazy. I can’t not imagine why someone would be so selfish like this. WOW It just amazes me. She must be completely sad and depressed. That’s all I can think. She is a really sick person.

  200. Chris says

    Several months ago, my wife of 20 years came across some internet activity of mine that was shocking to her. It was nothing perverted or raunchy, but a lot of stuff that would be disconcerting to a spouse, and in hindsight, was immature and irresponsible. Again, no cheating, chatrooms, unsafe activity, but largely experimenting (via typing ONLY!) with others in different lifestyles. She and I have had a good marriage, and our sex life i would rate B+. She stumbled across this while on the phone with her mother, and in her panic, told her mother about her discovery. I have always had a good rap with my mother-in-law, but she is an attorney, suffered thru a horrible 20 year marriage with my father in law (now divorced), and is suspicious of humans and a bit arrogant. I learned that she convinced my wife to have a computer forensic team search my hard drive for my activity. My mother-in-law accompanied these computer experts to my home, and then went throught the report findings personally. Yes, my mother in law went through a detailed analysis of my computer activity. I was horribly embarassed, but i have gotten over it. I bitch-slapped her in very express terms in a series of emails. I am over the embarrasment, and able to look her in the eye since i am comfortable with who I am. However, she is angry with me for my vitriol toward her, and I have been ostracized for the time being. My wife went to her place on Christmas morning for breakfast with our two young sons (and joined me later at my family’s), and I was not invited to her annual New Years Day family gathering. There were two other family outings prior to the holidays from which i was shunned. I told my wife, and my mother in law, that as of Jan 1, 2009, my wife and sons and I are a package deal for going forward. Was this the proper course of action.

  201. Finallyfree says

    Hello Chris,

    What a sticky situation. I know from your post that she shared her hurt feelings with your MIL, but letting a family member in on personal marriage issues is a biiiiiig “no,no.” It is hard for a family member to forgive someone that wronged their loved one when they are not in an interdependent relationship with “the violator.” However, at the end of the day, your marriage is about you and your wife…NOT the two of you and your MIL.

    First, I want to say that I am sorry for the invasion of your privacy. I can completely relate to the sense of violation you felt not only from having a forensic team gather the information, but to have your mother-in-law be privy to all of the information.

    It sounds as though your wife was very hurt by what she found and then manipulated by her bitter mother to proceed with such drastic proceedings. That being said, I think the “package deal” concept is permissible. However, here are a few things to think about: Does your wife know you have tried to let bygones be bygones and that you are still being shunned? Have you apologized to your wife, and has SHE accepted it? Has she talked with her mother about it (WITH you present)? Has she told your MIL that this doesn’t concern her, and have you bit your tongue and asked your MIL(specifically)to call it even?

    The hardest thing right now will be presenting a united front. If the MIL feels she can, she WILL divide and conquer. If you choose not to attend family functions because of the recent upsets, that is one thing–but to have her family shun you is another. In other words, if you and your wife have worked it out, the family should be forgiving. As a spouse, she needs to stand by your side and tell her family that you come “in a package.” Furthermore that if YOU as her spouse is not invited, then she will not attend either. Until her family understands that you two (kids included) are a single unit, they will not treat or respect you as one. It is going to be tough for her, but in the end, if all parties involved are mature, you will hopefully have family gatherings again where the entire brood is present.

    Take note though, it will take time for her family to re-accept you. Not because they don’t like you, but we as humans, tend not to easily forget dramatic/hurtful instances in our lives–especially when it concerns a loved one. Keep your head up and focus not her her family, but on the one you have created together. If they cannot accept that you two have worked it out, it is their problem, not yours.

    Best of luck. :o)

  202. Chris says

    Yes, the problem is not my refraining from gatherings with my MIL, but my MIL shunning me these past few months. As i said, I have drawn a line in the sand as of Jan 1, 2009. Enough is enough. It will be difficult for my wife, to some extent, but i need to hold her to her obligation to present a united front. There is not a husband in the world who would let this situation continue. My opinion of my MIL has been altered (and vice-versa, i am sure), but i can hold my head high in her presence, and even smile.

    Thanks for your feedback.

  203. CG says

    OMG, this is the story of my life. I could have written it – with the only exception that I don’t have kids yet, and I might never have any, simply because I can’t bear the idea of having her use my children as another excuse to make my life an unbearable hell. I wish she would die… EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. There are days I wish I would die. Then I just think I should leave my marriage because this is too much.

    This post was written a long time ago, I hope by now your own mother in law has done everyone a favour and died. And hopefully she’ll take mine with her very soon.

  204. Mel says

    OMG!! My soon to be MIL is driving me up the wall…. but she’s no where near what some of you guys have said yours have put you through. I just got back from a week and a half of visiting my fiance and his family. He just got out the Navy back on Dec 1st and went home for a whiles…… I went up so WE could pack his things and his mommy went off on me one night!! She did a whole song and dance about her hoping that her baby boy would be staying home with all of them since he’d been gone for 4 years. She even went as far as telling me that it’s because of me he’s changed….. he’s totally brushed of his entire family when I showed up in his life 2 years ago.

    I can’t believe just how low she went in trying to make me feel bad or something for HIM deciding to come back home with when I left from my visit(seemed like a LIFETIME!!!!!) She sent him a text as we were in the airport about to board the plane saying…. it’s not going to the same when you come home again… blah blah blah!!!!

    I just have no idea what to do cause she’s one minute she’s cool with me then the next she’s bitching about how I’m taking her son away from his family. I get it that he’s the oldest son they have and that both her family and her husband’s family are VERY close to each other. They also haven’t had anyone move away from the family… ONLY because all the kids and grandkids have found someone from the area. But she doesn’t even know how MY family is or care to learn. I just feel like I can’t do anything because my fiance doesn’t even say anything about what she’s doing or does. He’s reply to anything is….

    “I Don’t Know!”

    That’s all I get from him when I ask him anything. Whenever I ask him what he’s thinking or feeling he just has no real answer for me. I just get so pissed with him that I feel like it’s useless to even try anymore. He’s says…. “it’s okay that’s just what you think and feel…” that’s IT!! I’m like ok anything else no nothing just that?!?!?!

    The main reason I guess for the way she is and all is because she wants him to stay out there and go to school…… guess she feels like he won’t become anything unless she’s pushing and nagging him and seeing him get shit done. I can’t think of anything else…….

    But she says that she… “I really really really LIKE you, but….” Why is there a fucking BUT in the sentence?!?! To me it voids the first part of what was said.

    God what do I do?!?! How to I deal with her?!?!

    I LOVE my fiance to death, there’s no one more perfect for me in the world…. just his mommy, is my major malfuncion. Things with me and him are GREAT we do have our moments but it’s nothing bad. We fit each other like nothing and I’ve never had that before…. I don’t want to end things over her but I just need a way to deal with the drama…. :-(

  205. CG says

    Mel, I also love my husband more than anything in this world and we’re perfect together. Our ONLY problem is his mother. But it’s such a big deal and it makes me so miserable every day that nowadays I think I wouldn’t have married him if I’d known what I’d be forced to go through.

    My MIL wasn’t like this while we were going out or engaged… she simply ignored my existence, and let me tell you, it was a blessing compared to having her in my life. So my only piece of advice is: think well how much you’re prepared to take in the years to come. It normally gets worse when you get married, and you can’t simply walk away.

    I often think the way to deal with all this is to become a very strong team, you and your man, and put her in her place/cut her off from your lives. Would he be prepared to do that, if he realized that the alternative might be to lose you?

    Good luck and I hope you and your fiance work this out between the two of you!

  206. Mel says

    Hey thanks CG!!

    Before I went out to see him and his family in Wisconsin I talked with him about if he would come back to Texas with me and he said yes. His mom freaked out when she found out because she wanted him to stay out there and go to school…. even though I think it was more so she could keep him under her thumb. But now we’re back home in Texas and getting a place of our own. The only problem is that I have both of his parents on my cell phone plan because I didn’t want for them to make him pay for the phones they had trough a different company. Since it would be taking money out of OUR account. So now that she’s on there she’s texting him more and more cause she misses her baby boy…. blah blah blah!!!!!

    Me and my man started talking and he really doesn’t want to go back up for school. He wants to go to one of two schools FAR away from both our families…. which is cool with me cause it’s not back home for him.

    Funny story…. before we left my fiance was packing his things and his mom comes out of her room and she’s pissed cause he’s leaving with me. Well she makes a smart ass comment out of anger,

    “you guys should of left yesterday and rented a uhaul…”

    after she said that I was thinking next time we go up we’ll do that so she wont have anything of his at the house and so she can’t make us go up to see her. I think that’s honestly the only way to deal with her is just by not dealing with her.

    God there’s so much about her and what she says and does that annoys the shit outta me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  207. CG says

    It’s funny how unnerving it can be to just read the stories other people go through. I totally relate to how you feel, Mel, and I, too, think that the only way to deal with that crazy and mean MIL of mine is by not dealing with her at all. Which unfortunately for me is not an option (yet), because she’s been very cunning in portraying herself as a lovely (yeah, right) MIL of late, so that I am the one looking bad when I refuse to play her game. It totally drives me nuts.

    At least we know we’re not alone – look at how many comments this thread has generated. The world is full of nasty bitches popping sons into the world!!!

  208. Mel says

    Hey CG!!

    Guess what my future MIL has BACKED OFF of us now. She’s gotten nicer to me but I still don’t trust her. She’ll text me that she misses me and loves me… I’m like OK????

    But I guess that since can’t do anything now with the 1200+ miles between us she’s giving up for now.

    Also doesn’t hurt that she’s having problems with her other kids… LOL!!!!!!!!

  209. Double Life says

    I can completely relate to what you are going through. My MIL is a truly evil person whom has venom running through her veins. She’s evil because she acted like my best friend for the two years I dated my husband; she would call me to see how I was doing, she would ask about my job and she would even call my parents and invite them out for the occassional dinner. I thought I was so lucky to find a family like this to marry into.

    But the day of my wedding, she turned. She didn’t speak to me once and she never told me how beautiful I looked in my weddnig gown. She ignored me and my parents. My inlaws left that night without saying goodbye and they never called my parents again.

    It came out after we got back from our honeymoon that my MIL didn’t accept me because I am Greek Orthodox. (My husband is Catholic which is not a huge stretch from my religion. In fact, it’s somewhat similar.) She waited until my wedding day to reveal her true colors and it’s been horrible ever since. I’ve been married for almost two years now and my MIL has threatened me, nearly atacked me once because she said I took her son away and she told me that she was treted like a 2nd class citizen at our wedding.

    I’ve convinced myself that she’s mentally ill and I go on everyday thinking she’s dead. That’s the only way I can get through this marriage.

    My husband is very supposrtive and continually tells me that his family isn’t normal. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be married if I knew how she felt before hand. So I don’t see my inlaws unless it’s at a fmaily function where other people will be. I know it’s not normal but they chose this and not me.

    I have never done anything wrong and it took me a long time to realize this.

  210. tttr says

    I hate my horrible mother in law 2… we r not a year old after marraige but i am sick of her… she is over protective and my husband can in no way stand up for me… she is sick and tortures me mentally with her horrible mouth always speaking bad of my parents.. how i wish she dies right away… sickard… she is always backbiting abt me and my parents i hate her a lot .. v dont stay 2gether but i can feel the heat from far away .. my husband has made it mandatory 4 me 2 talk 2her atleast 1ce in 2 days on fone i cant tel u what a suffering it is she acts so innocent before him real idiot and a hug bitch.. iam sick of her is there no end to my problems God save me!!!she is a huge double standard fool.. she is continously ranting the great deeds of my sis in law who i bliev is a rel huge good for nothing sicko…i know how i hate both of them!!!!her words r so bad that they torment me even after i hang up i am spoiling my helath in this manner… can somebody help!!!

  211. Why O Why says

    I don’t cry much but the tears are flowing now. My mom died when I was 17 and I’ve been very close to my mother-in-law ever since I married her son at the age of 23. I love and respect my husband and always have — the feeling is mutual. Now that you have a little background, I’m angry because the only reason she’s “loved” me is because I’ve been a doormat for her. Finally, I’m actually realizing this and I’m madder at myself than at her (I think).

    I’m not the vindictive or passive agressive (REALLY), — I just believe this stint will do a world of good for me (yes, in a sick sort of way).

    Would anyone out there know a trick to play on my mother-in-law? I don’t want her to be saddened or upset (she likely won’t know it happened anyway). Bottom line — I just want to prove that she betrays my trust constantly and of course, deliberately. She plays her sons and daughters (some in their 50’s) against one another so, so often often. I’d like her to learn of some information which is supposed to be kept quiet until we (my husband and I) are ready to release it to the rest of the family. Then I’d like to prove that she passed this info on to the rest of the family (usually in lightening speed). — Somehow, I’d like it to backfire on her.

    Thanks,

    Doormat

  212. Faith says

    I know how it is. My man is 27 and she told him I wanted to get pregnant with more kids and have him support them all, that was what I was looking for child support. We have been with eachother for 3 years and he actually bought it. We broke up because his mom said so. That was his reason. His mom said so. What the f?? She is crazy. We had a great relationship but he got tired of her talking trash and figured now he won’t have to hear it, and this isn’t the first girl it has happened to.

  213. Gollumhater says

    I too feel for you.

    I could have written the same things PLUS my MIL watches or child and I absolutely HATE it. We’re over a barrel.

    house is dirty

    She has this horrible gruff voice

    she gives him bad food

    Thinks she does everything right and doesn’t need to childproof.

    I have scoured the internet and such to find another option for day care only to come up with nothing. Husband won’t go for anything I suggest either – won’t stand up to mommy

  214. joanne says

    My fiance and l no longer live together because of fights over his mother, and l now suffer from anxiety and panic attacks because of all the stress.

    I love him so much but he just can’t seem to stand up to her the way he should.

    Its been a year since l saw her but he wants me to start visiting with him again and inviting her over. The last time she was in our house she followed me in to our bedroom and called me a bitch while pointing in my face saying l wouldn’t make much of a wife. My fiance did not stand up to her or tell her to leave and l have never felt more betrayed.

    l would love a mother in law l could trust and confide in, although she say’s she wants to be my friend l know that it is not true. She just say’s that so that l look like the bad one for not wanting to see her.

    My fiance also has a sister with severe autism who his parents care for at home. There has been many times when my fiance has not been allowed to see his sister purely because he didn’t do what his mother wanted.She knows she has him over a barrow because of his sister and l know it to.

    He told me yesterday that if l would not start seeing her again then he would find someone else who would visit with him.

    He thinks my anxiety and panic attacks will get better if l face her again but sadly when it comes to his mother his judgement is very bad.

    Why can’t these mother just be happy for their sons instead of causing all this needless pain.

  215. Mrs. Crazy says

    Joanne,

    I’m so sorry that your fiance’s mother has caused so much trouble in your relationship. My husband and I have been fighting quite a lot over his mother and his inability to stand up to her. Mother in laws.. can destroy a marriage.. My grandmothers marriage was nearly destroyed from her crazy MIL (my great great grandma that I never met), my sister nearly got divorced.. My sister in law just got divorced after 10 years of marriage.. and in their therapy sessions it came out that the start of all their problems, distrust and eventual divorce stemmed from her not being able to stand up to her mom (my MIL) and create some boundaries.

    If your fiance isn’t willing to fight for you in any way.. you need to find someone who will stand beside you. As painful as that might be, I can honestly say that MIL’s never change, and it doesn’t sound like your fiance will change either.

    Just remember that marriage is a life long commitment, not only to your husband, but to his family, and if he prioritizes them over you, it will make any decision you make together difficult, and you will always be made out to be the enemy. I’ve endured enough family drama to know that no matter what I do, including ignorning the insults and playing dumb.. I will always be “horrible, awful, less than trash, ungrateful, controlling, etc.” Recently my MIL told my husband that she’d rather we throw 400 bucks of airplane vouchers in the trash rather than me spend the money on a trip. Then, she got upset when we paid her back as she requested. If your anxiety is high now.. it will only increase after the wedding.. when you have the same fight over and over and over without any change. My husband and I have stopped talking about having kids.. mostly because I can’t imagine bringing up a family with a man who can’t set any proper boundaries with his folks.

    • joanne says

      You are right Erica l would feel worse if we were married. and l too can not imagine having children with him because l do not feel sure that he would protect our family unit from his mothers crazy behaviour. l know he feels bad for his folks because their life is resricted because they are full time carers for his sister but that just can’t be an excuse for causing so much trouble. He thinks its my duty to stand by him and take more crap from her, the sad thing is that l would do that for him if l knew that he would put her in her place as soon as she got out of line, but l think he would just make excuses for her as usual.

  216. Lori says

    I do not have a son, but if I did I would be the best MIL in the world! Why do they have to be so manipulative, demanding, rude, & you know the list goes on & on! I have not seen my MIL in 2 1/2 years, the final straw was when my Grandfather died, my in-laws showed up at the funeral home (I think just to see their son, my husband) and did not even have the sincerity to say to me, sorry your grandfather died! Or even say hi to me! And as soon as they came in my hubby went over to them. Ridiculous, as they are such “church goers”, who always place family 1st, you would think they would have manners or the decency, don’t they learn about that in their nightly trips to church (they are always there!)! She will call & leave these messages for my hubby, saying things like, “we miss you, etc. My hubby hasn’t really talked to her so she is now heartbroken. You know now playing the “hurt” one. I feel badly for my hubby but he can not stand up to her. This entire situation is making me ill & also making me resent my hubby. We do not have a child together, I would love to have one, but I don’t think I can do it knowing how she is, plus this resentment I am having towards him…what to do? I know the answer to that one, do not have a child with him! Some ladies I worked with say that having a baby gives you more power (and they both had MIL issues) but I can’t see that, I do most of the time value their advice, but not this advice! Glad to vent on here!

  217. joanne says

    My fiance gave me an ultimatium 2 weeks ago, he said I had to either make up with his mum or we had no future together. It was a no brainer for me, I know how this woman operates and I know that “making friends” with her would not only be very two faced but also very short lived as it would not take her long to start the usual controlling, manipultive and blackmailing behaviour. So he is now my ex fiance and I am heartbroken to realize that his mum is more important than me even though it was her that caused all our problems. I wish I had found this out years ago. He used to tell me that if he had to pick anyone then it would be me, but in my mind he did not need to choose anyone as I did not care if he went to visit his folks, I simply did not want to them. He is 35 years old so I guess he will never change now.

    So now he say’s he will find someone else who will be willing to put up with his mum. He see’s it like I must not love him enough if I’m not willing to put up with more torture. I am already suffering from anxiety and panic attacks because of this woman and he wants me to go back for more. I know a guy like him is not worth it but I really love him and we had so many great times together before she came between us. Its so sad and so wrong.

    My heart goes out to all of you that just want to be with the guy you love but can’t get the chance.

  218. Mrs. Crazy says

    Joanne,

    I am so sorry to hear what happened! I wish there was a way to ease your suffering, but if anyone should have been putting their foot down it was you! Maybe his horrible mother did you a favor, in showing you how one sided your relationship was. I can’t believe he would treat you as that disposable! There are good men out there.. even good men with horrible mothers.. who can even in small ways stand up to prove that you mean something to them. I am sad for you, and relieved that you will not suffer for years and years in a marriage that can not be fixed.. having the same fight over and over. There is also someone out there better suited for you, and you tell that ex fiance of yours.. that you will find a man with a backbone, and have a perfect relationship with your FUTURE in-laws.

  219. joanne says

    Thank you Erika for your kind words. I know I will get over it eventually but the feeling of betrayal is overwhelming at the moment. The worst thing is that the 5 and a hlf years we spent together have just been a waste of time as we have been doomed from the very beginning. At least I know that if I meet another guy his mother can’t possibly be any worse.

  220. Finallyfree says

    Joanne,

    I am sorry to hear you are in such pain but I agree that you are going to be much better off. It sounds like your ex-fiance had an oedipus issue to some extent. Any man that would not take his wifes side over his mothers needs to re-evaluate his loyalties. It is okay for a man to want to maintain a relationship with his mom, but to what extent? I am positive you will find the right man someday and whether or not his mom has a stronghold on him now, your love will change that. :o)

    I myself have dealt with many hardships in this area and I will say that it makes a WORLD of difference to have a man that is willing to stand by his wifes side–even against his own mother. There are some women out there that never learned to let go, and whats worse, there are many men that don’t want to. Find yourself a MAN who treats you like you are his Queen.

    Keep your head up.

  221. joanne says

    I no longer need to worry about having a nightmare mother in law but I have lost the guy I thought was my best friend to her. I keep waiting for the phone to ring or a text message to arrive saying that he has made a mistake and he can’t give me up just because I don’t want to see his mum, but it doesn’t come. Why is he doing this when we could have the next 50 years together and his parent could be dead in 10? I don’t understand how he can stick by a woman who has treated him so badly and who will continue to cause trouble with every woman he ever gets serious about because that is when she starts to feel threatened.

    I am Agrophobic now because of panic attacks and I so needed his help to overcome this. I will be getting help with it starting on Monday but my mood is so low that I feel no motivation. He has abandoned me in my time of need dispite all the times I stuck up for him when his mother was putting him down. I have never felt more betrayed by anyone in my life or more lonely and afraid.

    Regardless of how bad I feel I cannot give in to his ultimatum. He thinks its quite simple, all I need to do is pretend to get on with his mum and then we can be a couple again and live happily ever after. Until of course I had a fight with her and didn’t want to see her anymore which would take us back to square one and him saying that he needs to be with someone who can visit his mum.

    He is now enquiring about having my name taken off the mortgage. I had to fight to have my name put on the mortgage when we first got the house, the reason being of course that his mother thought my name shouldn’t be on it because he earned more money than me. I was determined though and my name went on it. He continued to pretend to his parents that my name was not on it just to keep them happy but the true eventually came out.

    Sorry for going on and on but it helped to get it out.

    • Lori says

      I am in the same boat as you, I do not understand the loyalty they have to their mother because I often tell my husband that if my parents treated him poorly I would certainly stand up to them for him & if that meant cutting them out of my life, then so be it! I would be placing my hubby 1st, just as it should be! Is that so hard to understand? Why is that so hard for guys to do? I will mention that I do not feel imtimidated by his mom nor do I feel threatened by their relationship at ALL, just feel that if his mom is treating me poorly he should definitely stand up for me & tell her how it is going to be! And if it continues with her being mean to me, then by all means cut her out of our lives until she proves that she can act in an acceptable manner. You know this is all starting to make me resent my hubby, & I do not know what to do, maybe my only option is to leave? Any suggestions? I don’t know what my answer is to help you deal with this because I don’t know the answer, but just know that others are in the same position as you, and just knowing that may help you a little. Take care!

  222. Karin says

    I am so annoyed at the moment that I googled “I hate my mother-in-law” site, and I was sadly relieved to find that I am not alone. My MIL has a serpents tongue and my FIL is her bowl of mashed potatoes. My husband hired his younger brother a few years ago to work for him (and of course my MIL and FIL are totally enmeshed with younger brother). When my husband finally had to fire him, it was a nightmare. He is completely immature, just like they are….and so they have been seriously angry with us and my MIL said she wished her son never married me. I’m thinking “I wished he never married me too…but only because of you” She is a rude and disrespectful woman who gossips to her adult children about her other adult children and manipulates and back stabs. I guess I don’t really know what hatred is…but maybe this is it!!!!

  223. joanne says

    If your husband will not make a stand when his mother is acting out of order then it will slowly distroy your marriage as you will begin to recent him more and more. Afterall, if you are being a good wife to him and it’s his mother who is causing unnecessary trouble and being mean about you then it is his duty as a husband to defend you. If a stranger in the street was treating you badly l’m sure he wouldn’t think twice about rushing to your defence and it should not be any different when his mother does it.

    I did not get as far as marriage although we were engaged. If your husband cherishes his relationship with you more than his relationship with his mother then he will put his foot down with her and most important of all STICK TO IT!!! My ex fiance could not do this, he was basically all talk and very little action. One week he would say he was staying away from her for a long time because she was a nutter but a week later they would be on speaking terms again as if nothing ever happened. This went on for years and his mother still wouldn’t know a boundery if it came up and smacked her in the face…… and l’d pay to see that:-0

    Maybe you should let your husband see this website and show him just how common this problem is and how it tears marriages apart. If he loves you enough he will do something before the damage is irreversible. My ex did not love me enough it seems, and that is hard to accept as it has only been a few weeks since he told me “make up with my mum or we’re finished”. I can’t tell you the number of times I defended him when she was constantly putting him down. I have never had so many knifes in my back.

    Men should never be in the position of having to defend their wife but sadly they are alot of mothers out there that just don’t know when to keep their mouth shut and back off, or they simply don’t care.

    I really hope your husband will open his eyes and realize what you are going through. He should also remember that you will be there long after his mother has gone.

    Wishing you lots of luck.

  224. sabrina twigg says

    First of all, you cannot change your mother-in-law. The only thing you can do is not to let her steal your peace. I know this is easier said then done. I wouldn’t advise you to tell your husband that you hate his mother, to the point of wishing her ill. All that will do, is make you look like the one that is horrible. Chances are your husband knows his mother is this way, he lived with her for years prior to marrying you. As far as how to deal with the things she does, think first before getting angry. For instance, If she gives you one cereal bowl go and and get the whole set (if you can find it). Ask her where she bought it. Then when she comes over you can tell her how much you liked the patterned on the bowl, you had to go out and get more. This may seem manipulative but it’s not devious. If you continue to react in a positive manner she may ease up or, hopefully, give up on the ‘meaness’ toward you. I wouldn’t advise you to analize and try to figure out why she is the way she is because it’s a waste of your time and energy. Just accept, she is how she is. Eventually you will learn to have compassion for her, never pity. People have choices. Other things that may help, have your children send more mail to her, drawings etc…. Send her pictures of the children and notes just to say ‘hello’. She can’t rip on you for being kind. I would let your husband know, in a suttle way, that you are sending mail. This way he sees you being the wonderful one. I do commend you for finding humor in this all, humor let’s you know not to take things so seriously. One last bit of advice, pray. Good luck.

  225. Smurf says

    OMG!!!!!! you have my feelings jotted down!! this is soo true…… off course I didn’t get anything from her in turn… she only expects and expects.. she is an attention seeking bitch!!! and if anyone talks to her… she is the one who declares war or harmony………whenever i ‘HAVE’ to talk to her…. she makes things worse.. and also sets a tone.. n reminds me of a very well known saying….. God knows everything.. but ‘BITCHY MIL’ knows everything better!!

  226. cara ricci says

    My sil is 31 and the biggest waste, she still lives at home with the evil mil and has NEVER lived on her own, nor are there plans for her to venture out in the future.They together are the most paranoid self pittying people I have ever met.They believe they have rights to my son, and say in how my husband and I raise him…Like the one day we trusted my mil to babysit she decided that she didn’t think his prescription medicine was needed and called me the next morning telling me she hadnt given to him because she didnt think he should have it!okay well the DOCTOR seems to think so! And my son isn’t aloud at their house..I wish I could tell the bitch the truth why, but out of respect for my husband I won’t. My sil room still looks the same as it did in 1987. she is 31 let me remind you. she has a stuffed animal hammock with so much dust on top you cannot see whats under it, they have several animals and the smell hits you five feet befor you enter the house if the front door is open,it burns your nose, you can smell it on my sil cloths! there drapes which my son likes to wrap himself in are suppose to be white are sooooo dingy. they are filthy people!! At birthdays and christmas my husband and I can’t even get my son the presents we want to because they buy more gifts than all extended family combind it’s rude and embaressing. They let him eat all sorts of crap, and watch the worst tv for a three year old and I mean these people do not turn the tv off EVER! They should put the money they waste on crap for my son to fix any one of the things wrong with their house. The lack of cieling in their living room, their broken stove,washing machine,rotted garage door, the sun room seriously falling off the back of the house. I can’t bring myself to even post the real shit wrong with these people. the main problem lies in that they dont have their own lives and don’t care enough to see what they are doing to their “loved” ones

  227. Mel says

    I got a problem that just came up a few days ago….

    I was talking to my fiance a few days ago about when we’d be getting married. I want to just go down to the courthouse and do it that way. He on the other hand doesn’t want to cuz he wants to please his “mommy”

    I’m starting to feel like things will never go anywhere just stay as is with us. We already live together and so I don’t see what the big deal is in just going to do that.

    But here’s the thing…. last month we went up to surprise his “mommy” for her bday and that didn’t go so well. She got pissed off cuz we were packing as much of his things as possible cuz like i said we’ve moved in together. Well she got all bitchy and moody about us packing his things since she wanted him to stay up there. And she also made a huge deal about wanting to talk to him… drama queen!!!!! OMFG!!!! Well anyways she finally got to talk to him behind closed doors so I couldn’t hear what they were saying… which 1st off pissed me off to the point i was about to fucking jump on her fucking ass for making me feel as though i didn’t matter or was even alive. He also made me feel like that cuz he didn’t open the door or talk loud enough for me to hear anything he said to her like I would of done if my family were the ones doing that. She told him… well at least he told me that she said…. she didn’t like that we had moved in together and weren’t married, that he was throwing away his education…. blah blah blah… and all that fucking bullshit that a fucking bitch would say!!

    I was about to ready to walk out of the house and catch a cab down to the airport so i could just sleep there and wait for the flight in the morning!!!! I have never wanted to beat the hell out of anyone in my life like I did her and still do for all the bullshit she’s put me through and just how controlling she has to be over my fiance. I don’t know what makes me see RED more him being a fucking mama’s boy or the fucking balls his mommy has stepping on toes.

    I’ve thought about just leaving him and not dealing with him or any more bullshit that comes with him…. and then for him to not give me any answers on when we’ll get married…………

    I feel like I’m worth nothing to him and never mattered!!!!!! I never thought I would ever let anyone break me but he has and I don’t know what I’m going to do. When I try to talk to him he just blows me off.

    I don’t want my dad to see how badly I’ve been broken cuz I’m his little girl…… but it’s hard to keep it together around my family.

    What do I do?!?! Anyone know what I should do or say to try to either get my fiance to listen or break things off with him?!?!?!

    …………… just don’t think I can take much more………………..

    • Smurf says

      Hi Mel:

      I know exactly how you feel…… its true that some men don’t grow up.. they spend all their bloody life being a mommy’s boy!!!! They also reach to a point where they would tell you..”Öh…. u’d probably cook it this way.. that’s how mum does!!!!” you can imagine how terrible that is! Either ways.. its difficult to talk to them or bitch about their mum.. but being true doesn’t hurt.. if you don’t tell him how you feel…. there’ll b 2 ppl very hurt You & ur Finance! His mother will be the happiest off course.. so try to talk to him and if he is happy with his mother more than his relationship with you.. you might as well break it off.. I might sound very rude.. but truth is… although u’d want to avoid his mother…. you can’t stand things she’d say or do. And this would create a lot of tension & worries in your lives!..

      My MIL is a 2 faced SNAKE!!!!.. all she cares about is her sons money….. She is worried all the time about how much he spends on me.. or our home appliances or our vacations. She came to our house last week.. took a tour.. of our 3 bedroom apartment.. and she kept asking the price of each and everything that was on the way…… The stove n Oven specially….. “öh why did you have to buy new ones.. they r son expensive.. a 2nd hand would b enough for both of you” That CHEAP BITCH!!!! She can’t stand me any more.. neither can I.. Its a cold war whenever she is around…

      Either ways I have made it clear to my husband.. that if she says anything to me.. I won’t be quiet… coz I can´t stand nonsense & cheapness. So he trys to keep her away from me…..

      So talk it out with him.. and how you feel if he thinks you are wrong.. then you shud move on……the reason…is you can’t be around a BITCH who has no love for her son’s choice .. of a person he chose to b his life partner!

      Think hard…. but always keep in mind… u deserve to be happy in life too…. these measly things.. like MOTHER IN LAWS have no say….. only your husband has the right!

  228. Joanne says

    Hi Mel,

    I really feel for you and l know exactly how angry you are. I split up with my fiance 5 weeks ago because of his mother and it is killing me as l miss him so much. I had similar problems to you, she was a controlling, manipulative bitch and I decided 2 years ago that I could not face seeing her anymore. Anyway to cut a very long story short, my ex fiance gave me an ultimatum that I either started seeing his mother again or our relationship was over. I know this women and I know what she’s capable of so there was no chance l was going to be visiting her again.

    For some reason some men just don’t grow up enough to cut the apron strings and it’s women like us who suffer the consequences. I realise now that the relationship with my ex was doomed from the very moment we met for this very reason and that all of his future relationships are also doomed because his mother will act the exact same way again and again and he won’t stand up to her. There is nothing more soul destroying than being with a man that allows his mother to treat you like crap and belittle you. We should be more important than their mothers but they just don’t have the balls they need to stand up to them. These men should really have warning signs on their forehead so that women know not to waste their time on them, I wasted 5 and a half years and it really makes me sick now.

    I don’t know how long you have been with your fiance or how long his mum’s been causing trouble but when you said about them talking in private so that you could not hear anything that brought memories back for me. My ex’s mum used to do that, he would tell me what was said later but l knew he was not telling me everything. A real man would tell his mum to say want she’s got to say infront of you as you are to be his wife. It is very bad manners to go to another room to whisper in private while your just standing there wondering whats being said. It shows a lack of respect for you when your the who should be getting respect from him.

    I have posted messages on here before and if you read them you will see what a mess l am in now because l lived in a bad situation for so long. My heartfelt advise to you is DON’T end up getting yourself in such a state over a man who will probably let you down in the end anyway. I made that mistake and l wish l could turn the clock back and save myself alot of grief.

    Lots of luck and remember to take care of yourself first!

  229. Mom2sons says

    To all of you ladies…I wish you “sons”, lots and lots of sons. You will love that child just as much as you will love your Daughters. Something to remember, though. You will lose that son, forever when he marries a woman of today. If you, as his Mother call, you’ll be calling too much, if you don’t call, his wife will tell him that you don’t love him and will beat that into his head till he believes you.

    Everything you do or say will be criticized. Your life will be an egg shell walking life, not worth living. It will make you want to die when your son has to choose his wife over you simply because she don’t want you in it.

    Know this…what you have done to his Mother will come back to you ten fold. It’s the law of the Universe. Poor you.

  230. richard says

    i would suggest you and your husband going to see a counselor or therapist;

    the problem sounds like its eating you alive; is your husband aware how bad his mom is or that she is very bad?

  231. upset says

    It makes me so sad, to read all these posts…so much dysfunction and hate int he world…sheeesh, so sad.

    There are many, MANY MIL’s and DIL’s that love each other and do get along…the difference is, they don’t have problems so they are not on the internet searching these forums…but, I wish they were, I really wish they’d come in and testify that there is not only love and respect between the two of them, but maturity and much awareness.

    Just because someone doesn’t think and feel like you, doesn’t make them wrong or right…it’s who they are…and just b/c someone doesn’t live up to YOUR expectations, remember, they have done the best that they are mentally able to do, due to their dysfunctional upbringing.

    I see this word hate all the time, I even read where one DIL who was not yet married, was so mad at her MIL she vowed once they were married, that MIL would never ever seen her son again, or her grandchildren. I mean, to harbor that much hate is to me, very unstable and unhealthy.

    It is ok not to like someone, but if one is really aware and mature, they will understand, no matter how bad you think a person is, those character traits are there, b/c they were raised to believe as they do and are unable to change. Very few people do change. It is unfortunate, but true.

    This I do know…deep down in our heart of hearts, we are given choices, we don’t have to like people, but, we can be mature and be respectful and try to get along and let most of the dysfuncational stuff they say and do, roll off our backs. If you know the person is unstable, then why do you allow her to affect you in such a negative manner? No one can make you feel anyway you don’t want to feel. You are the one allowing her, enabling her to get under your skin and you are actually feeding off of all of this. Your allowing her to make you feel miserable.

    My DIL hates me, and it will never change…she has driven a wedge between my son and myself…I understand why she is the way she is…and in the beginning, I reacted badly to her mistreatment of me…but now, after 12 years, I do understand why she is the way she is. She craves an excessive amount of attention, and my son feeds her obsessions. So, he is to blame…and it’s a long story which I don’t wish to get into.

    What I want to say is, that something like this is a life changing event, when a DIL is jealous, obsessive, insecure, angry….I see lots of times my DIL is angry and doesn’t even know why. She grew up hard, worse then most. Doesn’t change the fact that she has caused a very negative life changing event…

    Do you know what I fear the most…my DIL is so intent on being territorial at all costs…that someday, all the pain and misery she has caused us all, will come back to her two fold. I believe in good & bad karma and the more you hurt people, the more will come back to haunt you someday. I can’t change things…I would give anything to do so, and forgive her instantly if she’d make half an effort. But it will never change.

    What I can do though, is get on with my life, keep busy and hope that all will be well with the both of them, b/c she is so unstable, I sometimes fear for my Grand daughter and son, and the hurt she will inflict on them someday. She cannot help it, it is who she was conditioned to be, and what she was conditioned to think is marriage and relationships. She takes everything as a personal attack against her character and she even dictates what you can and can’t talk about. Everything must be where she says, how she ways and when she says, and she owns not one iota of care for the feelings of others or cares what they would like to do, not even her husband, who by the way, works 3 jobs to keep the bills paid. I’m sorry, even though he is my son, there is something amiss with him, that this is all he feels he deserves in life? He has no hobbies of his own, no quality down time of his own…she smothers him, and he is living HER idea of what a marriage should be. He enables her behavior…and is killing himself, while she refuses to work and help out, but purchases the best clothes that money can buy for her and her daughter. She even buys him birthday gifts and Christmas gifts on the charges, and he pays for it?????? And thows things away that I send to my GD, unless of course it’s money????

    So, my point is…nothing I do or say will change it…it is what it is, and she will always reject me. It’s the rejection that hurts the most…then comes the hurt, sorrow, pain, anger, misery. Do not feed off of this, but more so, learn from it…somehow turn it into a learning event…and move on, and whatever your MIL does, don’t allow it to control you, bother you, to the point that you HATE her. Hate is such a powerful ugly word, and it will consumn you eventaully and cause great trial and tribulations in your life, not to mention, effect all those around you in a very negative way.

    All right, your MIL’s are wrong, and they can’t ever live up to your expectations of what you think a MIL will be…but don’t make that mistake…understand, that we all are different, in the way we think and feel and no two people ever think alike. Don’t make your husbands live only the life that you FEEL a marriage should be. Remember, we’re all raised differently, we all have different goals and dreams…allow your husbands their goals and dreams and don’t allow them to make you and the children they’re whole lives. Encourage them to also have friends and hobbies and quality down time for themselves…and you girls, get away on weekend getaways and leave him home with the kids once or twice a year. Be fair in understanding and being aware that every single one of us, needs time alone, so take it, and don’t obsess and make your husband and children co-dependent on you, they are not your only purpose in life.

    And believe, there are thousands of MIL’s and DIL’s who do love each other and get along…believe me, I’ve never ever known this before…not one person I personally know has had to deal with something like this. So, believe that most mother in laws and Daughter in laws, do get along. It’s the selfish ones, who don’t. The ones who grew up badly and harbor much contemt and hate for others, who are insecure, jealous and say horrible things about their inlaws. Why, b/c they hate themselves…therefore, they hate everyone else, and to them, hate is just a word, they don’t realize how awful it sounds and how they sound.

    I mean to actually say, I wish my MIL would die? God, what a sad and heartless thing to say, which speaks volumns about ther person who speaks like that with not one iota of embarrassement. Just know, you must be very angry most of the time, and don’t even know why.

    Life was meant to enjoy, to be successful and fulfill dreams, and when you can allow others and actually encourage others to be happy and live their lives…then you will know true peace, joy and love. Love is many things…but what it is not, is driving a wedge between two other people or wishing bad things happen to others. And if you find yourself even feeling those words, then I suggest you get into counseling quick, so you don’t live the rest of your life in sorrow and pain…but more so, so you don’t effect the lives of your husband and children in a negative way, cuz your kids, will grow up just like you and if you hate, they will hate…they will adopt all of your beliefs, and their lives will be just as hard as yours if not worse.

    • upset says

      I want to also add, there are unfortunately good and bad people in the world, just as well as good and bad issues, good and bad personalities, that is life…we all possess both good and bad. However, there are very bad selfish MIL’s out there, absolutely and I’m not trying to make light of your situations…I know your all going thru what I am going thru, and it is painful and you have every right to be hurt and upset, but what I’m trying to say, is…your never going to change her, so, you love your husband’s don’t you? You love your children…therefore, to be a good wife and mother, you have to let go of everything you MIL is doing and ignore it, otherwise, you will cause everyone you love much pain, and contaminate any relationship you have. Believe me, I know…

      so move foreward and don’t react, and if you can’t do this, then get counseling right away…but do not allow this to affect your life, and remember, when you do things out of love, care and understanding, paitence, kindness and do diligence…you will gain so much more back in return.

      But when you feel negative thoughts, everyone around you, is affected in a very negative way and you will cause so much disarry…it’s never ever just about you but about so many other lives you will hurt.

      I read once and believe me I’m not pushing the Bible or Christianity…but it said, “The sins of the Father will befall the son”. I know now what that means, and it is not just isoltated to father and son, but mother and daughter, mother and son, in laws, and everyone.

      Be well, don’t allow contempt to embrace you…

      • AmazingNothing says

        Upset,

        It’s nice to see things from a MIL perspective, but I did want to respond to a few things that you said. I cannot speak for all of us, but I do believe that most of us aren’t upset about our MIL’s because of them not living up to our expectations. Personally, I didn’t come into the situation I am in with expectations aside from common decency, and honesty. I’m not upset about her not meeting those expectations, unfortunately, many people do not. I’m upset because what she’s done and said has gone way beyond what most rational, sane people would do or say. Sure we’re all raised differently, we all see the world in a different light, and walk different lines of humanity… and I, like a lot of the women here, tried initially (sometimes for years) to forgive whatever happened and attribute the actions or words to that different life. There has to be some limit though, on what we are able to get away with by blaming our pasts. Many people have terrible lives and emerge from them kind, loving, etc. You said we should not make our husbands live only the life we feel a marriage should be… I believe that we should be able to expect some basics at least—and that’s what most of us are yearning for. We want our husbands to stand by us, love us, etc. That’s not unreasonable. Most of us don’t tell our husbands they can’t have a relationship with their mothers, we don’t try to make them do anything. Most of us are not trying to force a life on our husbands, we’re simply wanting them to back us up once in a while. We tell them what’s bothering us, and usually it’s bothering them to some degree as well. You said, “So, believe that most mother in laws and Daughter in laws, do get along. It’s the selfish ones, who don’t.”, and I wonder, are you calling all of us selfish? We’re here talking to each other and sharing with each other because we’re hurting, because our husbands are hurting. We’re in uncharted waters. I doubt that the majority of us are selfish, if we were, would we have put up with any of this? You sound like a nice woman, I think it’s great that you are trying to accept that your DIL is different… but many of the women that we deal with on a daily basis are not accepting in the least. I could respond much more to things that you’ve said, but I really just wanted to try to stand up for those of here that just came here because we needed someone to understand, when in our daily lives we’re surrounded by people who don’t. We aren’t all filled with hate, we aren’t bad people. We’re hurt people, frustrated people, and wives just trying to hang on to a relationship. (Again, thank you for sharing your perspective, I’m not trying to argue with you, or discount what you believe.)

        • Lori says

          To AmazingNothing: I could not have said your words better myself!! I agree with what you are saying 100%. Common decency is ALL we ask for! Why is it so hard for MIL’s to treat us with decency…when we have done nothing! I put up with her behavior at first (just call me Saint Lori! LOL!) but eventually had enough of my MIL’s digs, rude behavior towards me, and now I don’t even talk to her! And all we want is for our husbands to stand up for us, if roles were reversed I would stand up for him in an instant!! Best wishes to all the DIL’s out there who have a MIL is that is disrespectful…wouldn’t it be nice if they would have treated us with the respect WE deserve!

  232. upset says

    Dear Girls

    Thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment. I’m not talking about the norm here and I apologize for generalizing…what I’m saying is this…there are girls that grow up badly and the scars are with them the rest of their days. Yes, there are girls that grow up badly and make it, and are very loving women.

    What I don’t think you understand is, your putting your husbands in the middle, trying to make them, make a choice…and it is so hard for them to do. I’ve read where women write, my husband needs his mommy??? That is so cruel and selfish. Don’t you have children? Mark my words, they will be your children, your flesh and blood no matter how old they grow…and they will be your babies the rest of their lives.

    How would you like it if someone came along and said, choose between your husband and your child.

    I understand perfectly what your asking your husbands to do by standing up for you, but they can’t. They were taught to respect their parents…conditioned if you will from little on up. Can you not understand it from their point of view. My goodness girls, they married you…they chose you for their LIFE MATE. They love you much more then their mothers, but in a very different way as well.

    What you are doing, is feeding off of this stuff and allowing it to control your lives, and making your husbands miserable. Can you imagine how he feels. The only way I can explain it is, it’s like a love triangle, two women fighting over one man. Don’t make the same mistake your MIL’s or DIL’s are doing, by insisting he doesn’t love you if he doesn’t stand up for you, and because he doesn’t, doesn’t make him a mama’s boy either. Can’t you see the extreme hate in your words? Let it go..ignore her, and move on.

    I work with so many young women who are career minded…and they love their MIL’s. But I also know, if they’re MIL’s were like some of yours, sure it would hurt them, but they would see it for what it is…petty and they are not about to put they’re husbands in a position where they have to choose.

    Your allowing this to control your lives…and your actually feeding off of it…I know, I did it myself with my DIL. I’m not trying to insult anyone here, but more so, help so that your husbands and your children do not suffer.

    Be the smarter more mature woman and stop this…if you do, it will change your entire marriage…don’t whine to your husband about his mother..it’s his mother and don’t forget, he loves her and if it were not for her, you would have never met him. She helped to make him what he is, right or wrong.

    You have two choices, to continue to hate, or to get on with your lives in a very postive and productive way. This is not productive, the more you talk about it the mader you become and getting even and hurting back is not the way, in the end, you will only hurt yourselves.

    I am older, and believe you me, your perspectives change so much as time passes by…I have every right to feel like you do about my DIL but I refuse to allow anger and negative energy to control my life and I will continue to try with her until the day I die, though sometimes I’m torn, b/c my counselor told me, that women like her, become more repulsed when you try. I believe she is right.

    I don’t have a long time left anymore and I refuse to allow this to overtake my soul…yes, it hurts awful…it eats your heart out…b/c it’s about someone you birthed and raised…however, he made his choice, and she is the love of his life…right or wrong, is not for me to say…he is no longer mine, we do not own our children and there is a time to let go.

    Someday, your children will grow up and marry and I’m warning you, now, the same thing could very well happen to you.

    Change, and allow, give your husbands breathing room, allow them to get away with the guys once or twice a year and you girls go away on a girls weekend once or twice a year…you need that, and you come back rejuvinated. A lot of women I work with do that…get away from the situation and start living life and stop allowing whoever it is in your lives to control your feelings. Again I say, no one can make you feel or do anything you don’t want to do. No one can make you hate…so fight it with all you have for your husbands sake and for the sake of your children..otherwise as I said before, your going to make everyone around you miserable.

    Yes, this upsets your husbands to no end, but your upseting him by insisting he must make a choice. He shouldn’t have to and regardless, you should know that they love you girls dearly.

  233. Mel says

    You make some good points here but at the same time my fiance turns on me when my parents say anything about him…. Yet when it’s his mother that says or does something towards me he does nothing and I’m suppose to just bit my lips and take it. I was brought up to never let anyone put me down/disrespect me. I have a quick tounge and it’s gotten me in trouble before but after things have been said everything worked out somehow.

    How can it be best to just sit back and let someone walk all over me?? I’ve tried talking to my fiance about what bugs me but nothing works. So I honestly just gave up when it comes to his mother. But when anything gets said about him from my parents he get so pissed off with them and me for “letting things get said….”

    He forgets that his mother came to me and asked me for help when she and her husband could not afford to pay some bills…. and I also put them on my cell phone plan to help them out with not having to pay for one. I’ve taken time off from work (which is a bitch to do) to go up and visit them when my fiance asked me to.

    I’ve bent over backwards on so many things and yet she can not give me any kind of respect or even a thank you……

    What hurt me the most was the last time I went up with my fiance for a surprise b-day visit his mom talked to him behind a closed door and whispered to him just so I wouldn’t hear. She does things like this so much…. acting as though I’m not around or in her son’s life. She gets on him about getting out of the Navy, going to school….. not getting a job. That last one really burns me to no end when we just moved into an apartment and on my paycheck alone it’s not enough to pay for everything (thank god) he has unempolyment for now but he needs to find a job.

    He doesn’t say anything back to her….. So what should I do?? I love him but it just doesn’t seem to be enough for him and it’s breaking my heart.

  234. Mel says

    I’m not making him pick one or the other…

    After the last visit I told him that I wouldn’t be going back up to visit his family until next year. I’ve had more then enough of his mother for the rest of the year…. and lifetime at that. But I know that I will have to deal with her again and for the rest of the time she’s alive. I’m fine with that and accepect it. But I do not need to see her as often as anyone would like or says.

    I talked with a coworker of mine and she told me that I should look up and read a few verses from the bible and they made me realize that his mother just doesn’t want to let go of him. So what should I do there??

  235. Mel says

    There’s something that my fiance told me back a whiles ago that just came to my mind…..

    “my dad’s family doesn’t like my mom and they treat very badly….. they never invited us to family things because they couldn’t stand the way my mom is. that’s why we don’t like that side of the family…. and my mom would never go to you what they do to her, she’s not like that….”

    Is there some reason for me to be treated the same as she is by her husbands family?? I’ve met his whole family on both sides and they love me. They think I’m the best thing that’s happened to my fiance.

    Is it maybe because my fiance is the oldest child his parents have??

  236. Mel says

    There’s something that my fiance told me back a whiles ago that just came to my mind…..

    “my dad’s family doesn’t like my mom and they treat very badly….. they never invited us to family things because they couldn’t stand the way my mom is. that’s why we don’t like that side of the family…. and my mom would never go to you what they do to her, she’s not like that….”

    Is there some reason for me to be treated the same as she is by her husbands family?? I’ve met his whole family on both sides and they love me. They think I’m the best thing that’s happened to my fiance.

    Is it maybe because my fiance is the oldest child his parents have??

  237. upset says

    Is it maybe because my fiance is the oldest child his parents have??

    maybe, maybe not, Mel, opposite genders attract one another…for instance, if you have a daughter, chances are, her and your husband will be closer for a time, until she grows up and leaves the home, and when she does, that’s when she usually gravitates towards mom.

    A son and his mother bond because of the opposite gender….I don’t know why, it just seems to be human nature.

    Then there are some mothers who make their son’s co-dependent on them, and actually those sons grow up to be a real monster for his wife. He cannot do anything, pick up after himself, help you clean, cook or anything….why, b/c his mother weighted on him hand and foot…so when your dating make certain you observe that first off…b/c you don’t want to be a mother to someone, you want to be a companion. And these men can be very needy…so, girls, if you have sons, teach them how to be independent, don’t make THEM your whole entire purpose in life….

  238. Mel says

    Thanks Upset…

    The whole problem started when my fiance was still in the Navy over a year ago. He’d been wanting to get out once his contract was up and told his family. I called and emailed his mother serverl times during that year talking to her telling her about who I am/was and about my background. I’m hispanic… the first words out of her mouth to my fiance at the time were…. gold digger, uneducated, green card…. and a few more choice words. Not sure why she thought that of me because I have a good job, my own car (more then her son has), never ask for money even from my own parents, help my parents and two bothers with money when they need it. I explained to her all of that and was telling her about how much her son and I had in common and what we both meant to each other.

    I had no problem talking to her and getting to know her or her me. It wasn’t until my fiance came back from his last deployment that her openess changed some. I picked up on more and more because of the words in her emails. She would get upset over little things that she noticed in her son and would play them off when she would email me or call or text me about anything.

    When I went up to Wisconsin to meet her and her family as a surprise to my fiance (after he had gotten out of the Navy)…. the first words out of her mouth were.

    “He needs to come back home find a place to live and go to school….. since it’s a free education up here for him with the state paying for it without him touching his GI Bill….. and then once he does that if and when you can come up here you should. It’s not that I want you two apart but it would be best for him to that since I can make him do something with his life….”

    I was beyond pissed cause this was the first time to meet and she started all that shit with me. I wasn’t even up there an hour and I wanted to come back home. Things just went down hill from there that day for me, but yet I kept my mouth shut and kept my cool…. once we got to their house I started talking to his younger brother and playing video games with him and he opened up and talked with me about what had been going on with him even though he didn’t know me. Their mom was upset cause of that. He never talked with her about things, and neither did his sister but with me they did.

    Then the next time I went up J and his brother went out to hang out and his sister was out with some friends so that just left his mother, father and myself alone. That was when she tried to give me a guilt trip for almost an hour about my fiance and how he changed since he and I started dating. She said that in the two years he and had been together he stopped calling all the time, stopped answering the phone when she called, just started to distance himself from her. She in the end put the blame on me for his changes. I honestly told her that she should be talking to him because I had no control over what he did or didn’t do since he was the one doing everything. I could only remind him to call and all so much. She got mad and started crying… I just looked at her and I guess I gave her a look that made things worse but I didn’t mean to. After that visit the next one ended the way it did with her taking him into a room, shutting the door, and whispering what she did.

    I know you said I had to grow up but it’s so hard when I try my best and I honestly feel like I’ve been broken… I’m not the same person I used to be before I met my fiance and his family.

    So am I a messed up person?? Am I wrong for thinking she doesn’t like me?? Please let me know if I am cause I just don’t see it…..

    Broken…. just Broken…..

    • upset says

      Whoa,

      No, Mel, not by any means are you a messed up person! I wish I’d have known the whole story before. When I started to write in here, I was not pointing any fingers at you personally…but speaking to all DIL’s in general.

      You handled the entire situation better then most would. You need to pride yourself & credit yourself in that…

      I want to apologize about the growing up statement I made…please know I was wrong and should have said, try and develop a thicker skin, my choice of words were bad! That being said, you were and are still, justified in your feelings.

      I did not know the entire situation…until now. What I find myself doing alot is invisioning my DIL’s behavior when I write…and I shouldn’t do that, because none of you are her, however, I do know, there are quit a few DIL’s out there like her.

      Your fiance, didn’t do anything b/c of you. So don’t allow her to twist the blame on you. That is the way he is….b/c of the way he was raised. You don’t make a person do what isn’t in them to do. The fact that his brother opened up to you…speaks volumns.

      Mel, she is the problem, NOT YOU!

      First of all, for her to expect him to move back home and take the free schooling off the taxpayers money is irresponsible and doesn’t teach anyone responsiblity, what it does teach is take the free ride and to heck with everyone else.

      The other thing that really struck me was when she said “I can make him do????” She is a very forceful woman, controlling and regards herself his nurturer and keeper. And Mel, what she said to you in the very beginning when you told her who you were, is dispicable and projects the kind of person she is.

      I cannot commend you enough for trying with her. Not to many people would have, and the fact that your fiance isn’t able see that, bothers me. Does he know she talked to you like that? She was very rude to you, and her words were cruel & unthinkable! Those poor kids growing up with a parent like that. Some people in this world should not be parents.

      And the part about her taking him in another room and whisptering to him is again, rude and just wrong. I’m sorry, what I thought was, that she and him walked into another room and were talking…so, sorry.

      To be candid, I feel bad, because when you and I first started communicating, I thought you were a mature person, but hurt by words that possibly meant something other then the way you took it. But I was wrong, you have every right to your feelings and to be upset, hurt & angry. Know and believe, you did good in your confrontations with her, and if you made a face, so what…others, as myself would have probably said so much more. You should be proud of yourself. You are indeed a woman of integrity and possess awareness.

      You will never get anywhere with a person like that…she is right and she can’t see another view….I’m wondering about the damage she has done to her children.

      and by the way, your absolutely right, it is HIS decission about what he should do with his life, not hers.

      Mel, how does he act around her..does he shut down?

      I think your counselor is right in working on communication skills. It seems as if his mother conditioned him to be quiet and do her bidding…she is the parent and he is showing her respect, period. I don’t believe growing up he had any other choice.

      Do you know if there was any abuse….did she hit the kids to get them to surcumb to her authority?

      Please know, for you, this will be a long hard road. There is probably a lot of inner damage to your fiance which will unfortunately contaminate your relationship. I am concerned about you…your health and confidence. I fear this woman will make your life miserable. The worst part is, due to his conditioning by her, he may eventually treat you just like she does…he is not yet aware of the damage she has done to him, therefore, he believes his actions are valid. Maybe he doesn’t even believe she is that bad.

      People like her, like my DIL can cause life changing events in other peoples lives which are horrible. I know what you speak of…You don’t like who you’ve become b/c of this, not to mention your loss of trust and innocence about life and people in general. It’s like there is a dark cloud over you at all times and I do fear for you if you marry this man, how bad it could get…always remember, you deserve the best that life has to offer, and having people like this in your life is very toxic and dangerous to your health and your entire outlook on who you are. I still question myself…it’s like a part of me is gone forever, at times I feel empty and hardened…no fear, just hollow. It’s difficult to explain.

      I’m thinking it might be benefical for you, to make special trips to the counselor alone and let her know what this woman (his mother) said to you but more so, how your feeling. Tell her what you wrote here, or if you can’t, then send her a letter explaining the situation to her. I believe it also will help her understand him and why he is acting the way he is with you, but first and foremost is your health, don’t put everyone else before yourself.

      The question right now is, “How much do you love your fiance?” This may bring you more heartache and sorrow then you can bear. He may, and you have to consider this, be, a lot like his mother, but he hasn’t allowed it to surface yet. You must consider that possiblity b/c we are conditioned by our parents…if he isn’t, there are surely a lot of scars, pain & anger that he has surpressed for years? I don’t know?

      This will be a long hard road to walk for you, b/c he needs long term counseling.

      As far as your parents are concerned…they are probably seeing things in him that you cannot see due to your love for him, so please don’t be to hard on them, they are probably afraid for you, and believe me, a mother knows.

      Mel, Talk to both of them…explain to them, that you love him, and if they not only love you, but trust you as the human being they raised, then they need to display respect for him when you come to visit and not make any remarks to upset him, otherwise, and tell them straight out, “we will not be coming here much, b/c I won’t have you insult & hurt my fiance.

      Tell them, when you insult and hurt him, your hurting me deeply. ” Tell them with determination and not in an angry voice. Tell them you love them very much, but this is your life, your choice and they have to trust you to make your own decissions, b/c your not about to rush into anything. Then, ask them if they can do that? Assure them that you are always open to discussing the situation with them, but not in front of him….and Mel, if he is in any way, treating you so badly that you would not want to share it with them, then know, that is wrong and your inner self is sending up a flag. Trust your inner voice…

      As far as your fiance speaking up for you to his mother…I would be patient if you can, and keep him in couseling. There may be so so many undertones from his childhood, so many.

      Long term couseling can be very effective but he’s got to want it, realize his social actions are wrong, and want to change. If he doesn’t he never will until he realizes he really needs help. And I certainly wouldn’t marry him presently, as he could change his entire personality afterwards and refuse to continue counseling. I forgot to say, that his mother sounds extremely manipulative and he could be parroting the manipulation he’s learned from her.

      The main thing right now is to keep going to counseling, and if you can afford it, to go yourself, so that you can get this stuff out without him there, so she could help you deal with it.

      And if you ever decided this is just to much for you to handle, because what scares me is when you said, you are not who you used to be since you two got together, that to me a big warning sign. Your probably depressed b/c your at a loss of what to do or how to handle this. People like this are able to drain your soul and I do fear for your well being.

      Mel, has he shown any violent tendencies? If you fear him in any way, shape or form, please don’t stay. Do you know if his mother was abusive?

  239. Mel says

    Upset…

    We are seeing a counselor right now but all we’re working on at the moment is us. We were having a hard time talking and listening to each other about a few things and now we’re getting better. Our counselor doesn’t want to start in on outside problems as of yet (i.e. each others family).

    She wants for us to work on building a stronger relationship since we’re living together. That way things at home are easier. So far when the subject of either family come up he shuts down and becomes cold. It’s like he would rather just not face that there are issues there I suppose you could say.

    Also with us living in Texas and his family in Wisconsin spending time together is hard and expensive! He went up last month because his parents were renewing their vows. And he was mad at me for not going with him.

    1) Was having family medical problems to deal with. (long story)

    2) I couldn’t get time off work last min. Need at least 2 months advance notice.

    3) No Money!

    So am/was I wrong in what I did there?? I would like an honest answer to this because I just don’t know what to do anymore….

    When I said I was Broken I meant it I can’t do anything with my family because he gets pissed. And yet I can’t say anything about his family when they butt in without him yelling at me.

    I know this is all one sited but this is how I’m feeling and what I have to deal with along with other outside stresses like work.

    I just need advice from someone else that won’t judge me to much seeing as how I’m on edge now with those that do know me judging me.

    • upset says

      If you can’t do anything with your family, because he gets pissed, that is a big huge danger sign.

      He is trying to cut off your support system and control you like his mother controled him. It sounds to me, like this is not at all a good relationship to be in, but only you know the answer to that….

      Mel, if your having these problems now, if you continue and/or marry him, I promise you, it will get worse, beyond your belief.

      You are not wrong, and quit frankly after being treated like this, the question is, why can’t you see it’s wrong and trust your inner voice….??????

      How long have you been together, the reason I ask, is people like this can strip you of your identity. It takes years of long slow conditioning and if we allow them to, they will succeed as I’ve seen my son surcomb to this. No one knows who he is any more. He’s has become a stranger to me…he used to be a people magnet, everyone loved him and he had an uncanny sense of humor. He was thoughtful and had a whole lot of hobbies…loved people…but, as one of his friends told me, he was always to nice a guy. One of his friends told me, he asked my son not to marry her.

      Once when I was there, there was another couple visiting, and the guys were cracking the usual jokes about wives or marriage, I honestly forget. But what I saw happen afterwards was to me, very frightening. He forgot I was even there…and walked up to her and said, “Honey, I’m so sorry I chimmed in on that, we were only joking around, I’m so sorry!” All of a sudden, she snapped at him and walked into the bedroom. He ran after her????? My God?????

      His father told me, she gets so angry if he jokes around? ???? And they fear so much, that she will do the same thing to them, that she has done to me.

      Anyway, sorry, but I hope and pray this is not happening to you, because if it is, know, and believe, this is not a healthy relationship to be in. It takes them years but they will suck the person you are, right out of you. Believe it or not, they are called emotional vampires. These people are toxic…dangerous and will take from you everything you are, if you allow it.

      Mel, you need to start being honest with yourself and trust yourself….I know when you love someone it is difficult to do…but, you must for your own good. Love is kind, and good, it doesn’t make one feel less of the person you are, but more so compliments who you are….it would encourage you to be with your parents and family and give you quality time alone with them. Love understands the need for each and every person to be who they are, not MAKE them live their idea of what a relationship should be. Love is not demanding, it’s giving and wants you to go forward and be successful…it doesn’t cut friends and family off…it doesn’t keep you from joy, but pushes you towards it…love is not jealous or questioning, it is not controlling….it does not say harsh things or is accusing…love encourages your life to be plentiful…it is what makes you feel alive and well within….

    • upset says

      MOST DAUGHTER IN LAWS do NOT hate their MIL’s. It’s just that most DIL’s who are mature, content, happy are certainly not in here posting…I wis they were so some of you could understand and see how wrong you are.

      I have many friends and family, and until my DIL, never ever saw this kind of behavior or knew these forums existed. Not even in my own huge family was there any kind of contempt or harsh feelings towards an inlaw. Matter of fact, when I was little, I thought my mom had two mom’s & dad’s, cuz she loved my father’s mother and father like her own. We had family all over the country, and when they came to visit, they came for weeks or months at a time. My family always made it such a festive occassion…with picnics, and trips all over and around our town, to show them the sites. We didn’t sit around when company was there, we entertained them and took them to historical landmarks, parks, concerts….plus we always had a huge picnic in their honor, so that the entire family could visit with them.

      All my girlfriends, and my family, my entire family, gets along with their DIL’s. So, no, it’s wrong to state, that most DIL’s hate their MIL’s. I know there are bad MIL’s in the world…just as there are some awful DIL’s.

      You’d be a fool to believe that all relationships are a work in progress, and sometimes they are hard work…but you don’t hurt others intentionally, and you don’t loving someone, isn’t keeping them from their immediate family just because you don’t approve of them or make statements like, my inlaws will never see their grandchildren…that is not love, that is contempt and an extreme desire to get even.

      By wanting to get even makes you the looser in the end. Granted there are a few inlaws that are bad people….but certainly, it is not the norm.

      There are so many situations that could be worked out…someone says something, someone else is hurt, then gets angry, when a lot of times, words are misunderstood and taken to much to heart.

      It’s ok to be angry and hurt, but it’s not ok to thrive or feed on getting even, regardless of how much someone hurts you. You walk away, you don’t go back for more or feed off of forums like these hate forums.

      Remember, sometimes when you think you’ve won, you’ve really lost, and visa versa.

  240. CSM says

    I think it is your right to express the pain you are feeling, because of what your MIL has done. I have dealt with similar painful experiences and commend you on having the courage to express your feelings and let us know that we are not alone in this sad situation. I used to do every thing I could in hopes of gaining my MIL’s approval, but it was never enough! She is a coward and slips in nasty comments whenever she can without others knowing. She also tries to make me late for every family get together so I always call someone else to clarify the time to show up. She has always given me a different time to arrive than other family members. I used to feel like I just was not good enough, but now I see that she has also been doing the same thing to her own sister out of jealousy! My husband has finally become aware of her bad behavior too and comforts me when it gets really bad. As our children get older we are slowly cutting ties and nolonger coming to all the family events. Instead, we have started some of our own family events with friends and family members that give positive loving support. I hope some day you can see how unique and wonderful you are just as you are. It is so hard to face abuse from someone who should be a positive support to you, but I know you are well on your way to a better life just by acknowledging the problem. My children nolonger trust my MIL, because she has recently mistreated them to get at me. Remember, your whole family suffers if you allow any abuse to continue without consequence.

    • upset says

      CSM

      I am sorry you had to experience something like this and hope you believe that not all MIL’s are like this.

      What a beautifully stated truthful Comment of support you left for Mel

      Well said…

      I hope and pray Mel believes your words

      Thank you

  241. Mel says

    Upset….

    Thank you so much for everything you said to me. I feel much better in knowing I’m not the CRAZY one in all this.

    To answer you question about if he shuts down when he’s around his mother…. Yes he does. He goes back into a child like state. And he’s not sure why does it. When I try to get him to talk to me he gets pissed so I’ve just learn to leave him alone and just go about doing what I need to do as best as I can. I worry about the way he feels and thinks about himself. I know he gets very depressed around her and there at times will be no reason. I guess it’s cause he’s reliving his childhood?? I know how she is now with all 3 of her kids. Yes she can and is verbally abusive with the 2 younger ones, but with J (fiance) she goes about it in a different way. It’s like she makes him feel worthless about everything she’s doen for him.

    He hasn’t done anything to me but he does have a quicker temper than I do and I’ve seen it get pretty bad but I hope I’ll never be at the recieving end of it. Since he’s gotten out of the Navy he’s been found to have PTSD as well as what other problems due to his mother.

    I’m just not sure what I can do to help him understand that he doesn’t and shouldn’t let his mother try to run our lives when she’s 1200 miles away give or take some.

    I was just wondering…. what can I do to get a thicker skin going so that when I’m around his mother again I don’t let anything get to me??

  242. Mel says

    CSM…

    Wow! Thank you for sharing with me what you’ve had to deal with. I know my family is suffering with the way they see me suffer. I try to change that but I’m an open book to them and it’s hard to hide anything from the people that raised me.

    If you have any ideas or suggestions about what I can and should do for consequences I’m open to anything.

  243. Mel says

    Upset…

    We’ve been together for 1 year and 7 months but we’ve known each other for 2 years and 4 months.

    I know you are right about some people sucking the life out of you… I learned that a long time ago with a friend. Took me 7 years to finally cut her out of my life. But I do love my fiance and I would like to think that with him being away from his mother and starting a life down here it would make a difference somehow.

  244. upset says

    Hi Mel

    I sure do hope you realize, being away from his mother will not totally solve the problem…he has his mother’s traits in him…and unfortunately they will surface. Especially after your married…it takes years to change…first one must acknowledge they have problems, then they must look back into their childhood and understand the why’s, then, much self examination to realize where their faults are, then comes the change…it takes years of hard work and self exploration…so, I really do hope you two continue with a counselor for a long long time, not 3 months, 6 months, it may take years….

    If he tries to talk you out of counseling, that means, he will never acknowledge there are problems…so, hang in there and be aware so that you don’t doubt yourself…ever…

    You seem to have a lot of awareness, so think with your mind on this and not your heart….no one but no one is worth giving up your identity….

    Much love and prayers sent your way.

  245. AmazingNothing says

    Hi everyone. I haven’t written about my MIL in a while on here, but I wanted to put the little update where some person might understand. I told you all before how we did get a house, and ever since, I’ve been planting. Veggie garden in the back, and flowers everywhere. It’s been great to make my yard better than it was. A few weeks ago, I woke up to find MIL with my garden hoe, chopping my flowers in the back yard to pieces. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was planting her veggies (I had asked her if she wanted me to set up a garden plot for her months ago)… I was so shocked to see the flowers I had spent so much time on being killed, and went back inside. I talked to my guy about it, and he didn’t do or say much. He basically told me i should just tell her, be firm with her, etc. I thought, i’ll let this one slide, it’s not the end of the world, she’s just really really rude. The next morning, I go to water my flower gardens in the front yard, only to find that my flowers in half of it have been ripped out, the landscaping material has been removed, and the mulch is all over my driveway and the street. I ask her what are you doing?! She tells me that my guy gave her permission. So I asked him and he said no, he told her not to touch any of my flowers. So I go back outside, and tell her firmly just like he said, and in small words, that what she is doing is very rude, that this is my house, my yard, my flowers, my dirt, and if there are any, my weeds. She of course complained to him later that I was mean, etc… and he asked me what I did to her… I just talked to her, exactly like he told me to since he “didn’t want to be in the middle”. I told both of them that the big problem was that she didn’t ask me, it would have taken seconds out of her life, to ask where would be a good place to plant (there are many), or if I could move my flowers or something for her. All she had to do was ask me… she didn’t. I tried to explain to my guy that it’s not just a flower issue, it’s a respect issue, a common decency issue … I’ve respected her junk all over the place, on my porch still because there’s too much of it to fit into the 2 bedroom/livingroom/kitchen/full bath/laundry apartment that we got for her. Anyway, it caused my guy to be really mean to me… and I’ve decided to have a trial separation. Not because my flowers were killed, but because he didn’t once stand up for me or what i’ve spent months working on. On the plus side, she hasn’t talked to me since. Thanks for being out there everyone. I hope your situations improve, or at least that you get some comfort here.

  246. upset says

    Amazing Nothing

    My God, what lengths people will go to, I am shocked! Yanno, you could have called the police and pressed charges, but being she is your MIL, I can understand. How can a mother cause so many problems for her child?

    He should have really put his foot down and told her if she did such a thing again, he would phone the police and press charges.

    Good God, people are insane today? I’m so so sorry you have to go thru something like this…I really do hope and pray, that you will somehow gain strength from this and not bitterness….

    She ought to be on medication…she really sounds sick…

    May each and everyday give you the strength you need to get thru all this.

    • AmazingNothing says

      Thank you for your words, upset. I can say proudly that I am not bitter about it, any of it. I am sad though =-) It’s difficult to put so much time and love and patience into something, to have it come down to someone else entirely. At this point, I’m just glad we don’t have children yet (except for 3 cats and 2 dogs). Thanks again.

  247. upset says

    yes, Amazing…

    The time invested is sad…not to mention, the investment of your heart…but, walk away from this as a learning experience…and realize, it is so important when your dating to observe realistically, the parents…b/c parents pass down to the children their thoughts and beliefs…and kids parrot the parent which is most influencial….

    make certain you don’t choose the wrong person again….and know, there must have been flags….therefore, don’t ignore them next time, walk away as fast as you can, b/c you can’t go thru this without having some loss of confidence and true self…

    and yes, thank goodness there are no children.

    wishing you the very best that life has to offer, and anyone who much endure this kind of mental abuse.

    Remember, mental abuse can sometimes do much more damage then physical abuse.

    Love to you

  248. Sameera says

    My MIL is a bitch from hell, she is a PIG, she has messed up my life & has no scruples, calls me a liar and becomes a matyr in front of her family when she has emotionally abused me and she is a liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE HAS DISTORTED THE KIND OF PERSON I AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THAT BITCH…..

  249. upset says

    Sorry to hear that you’ve had such a horrible time with your MIL….it is painful, but the hate in your words is frightening….and it will bring you nothing but more grief and despair in the end.

  250. Joanne says

    Hi Everyone,

    I have been reading all of your comments and understand totally what everyone is going through. I am no longer in the terribly distressing situation l was in, because 5 months ago my Fiance chose his mother over me and we split up. I did not ever ask him to choose between us but l did eventually refuse to see her again as l was becoming ill with anxiety. His mother told him that if l did not see her again then she would cut him off from the rest of his family. So he gave me the ultimatum and l refused to do what she wanted, thats when he told me we were finished and l moved out.

    I am still recovering from the betrayal, as l stood by him for years while she was abusive towards him, but in the end l guess blood is thicker than water. The sad thing is that he will go through this all again with any other girl he meets. I am still trying to move on and put my life back together but it hurts so much.

    Love to you all x

  251. upset says

    I am so so sorry to read of your breakup and the emotional heartbreak you are feeling at this time.

    this probably doesn’t mean anything to you now, but thank God you didn’t marry him…it would have gotten worse, and remember, always, whatever his mother was, he has her in him, so, looking at things from a broader perspective, no matter how painful and distressed you may feel now, believe me, it is nothing compared to what you might have experienced.

    I hope time will restore you to who you were before you met this man. He is the one who lost in this…..what a shame. Be happy you won’t be the women who will marry him and have to live with this heartache…it can suck you dry…literally, change your life forever….so be very greatful if you can.

  252. Losing my Mind says

    I have you all beat. My MIL is so evil, that when my husband told her we were going to get married, she cried for 1 1/2 hours in her bedroom. She manages to wedge in our marriage non stop and create big arguments. Here’s a good one – I called her up and asked if she wanted to come over for dinner (she lives about 1/2 mile away from us as the crow flies) and she asked if my husband would be there. When I said no he was travelling on business, she declined the invite and said she would just get something at home. I have 4 children that she has never given the time of day to. But she always made sure she called me to remind me that the SIL’s children had birthdays etc, and I should make sure I get them a card/gift….. She told my husband that I didn’t spend enough time with her at MY engagement party!!!!! We spent 6 years overseas, and I maintain that it saved my marriage. We have been stateside for 12 years and she tries to ruin my marriage every day. I am tired and disgusted and I hate her and wish she was dead. I call her the mistress now, because that’s what she behaves like. She is all over my husband whenever we have functions in the same venue. My husband thinks he can just sweep this under the rug, but after 12 years plus of non stop abuse, I am finished. My children don’t even like her. I admit, I complain openly in front of them, but too bad!!! When your behavior is as bad and blatant as hers, you deserve to get what you dish out.

    My SIL who lives 15 minutes away is upset because I have caused tension in the family….lucky her she hasn’t had to live the wrath that I have for the last 18 years. I had MIL family and friends telling me off for taking my husband away from his family. “When are you bringing MIL’s son home, you have made her really upset!!!!” IMAGINE – I live this on a daily basis. I want to cry every day it’s getting so out of hand.

    Desparate and Losing my ability to fight off an evil woman.

  253. AmazingNothing says

    Hey everyone. I’ve posted on here a few times before… this time I’m hoping to get someone’s perspective on a wierd situation. My mom, my step dad, our two dalmations, and I were in NJ visiting my step dad’s family for a couple of weeks. When it was time to go home, we were driving to the airport… the road was wet, and when we took the exit, we started to spin, hit the gaurd rail several times (so I’m told, I was knocked out… my mom too), and rolled over. I woke up when we were on our side, one dog on me, and one on my mom in the front seat… and my dad was suspended above my mom by his seat belt. It was the scariest thing that I’ve ever been through. I called my twin sister from inside the cruiser. My mom was strapped down to a board, neck brace and all of that… they thought her back might be broken, and my neck. I called my man from the ambulance… the next few days were unreal. Thankfully, we all are okay, just banged up and shaken. We finally got home. My MIL lives in an attached apartment… and a few days after being home, mostly on the couch or in the bath, I asked him if his mom has asked after me or my family. He said he hadn’t even told her. I was so confussed, maybe just because of the head injury, i don’t know. I started crying and asked him how that didn’t come up in coversation (they talk at least several times a day, and he goes to see her too). He said that his family doesn’t talk about stuff, but they do, they talk about a lot of stuff all the time. She had been in a car accident before, her fault, and I was there with her in the hospital, holding her hand and talking to the doctors… no matter how much you might not like someone, it seems like there are certian times that people need to come together. This accident was no one’s fault, it was a freak thing… and I almost lost my family. My poor twin sister thought she could loose us both. Sorry, I could go on and on about it. So ladies, I’m wondering if you think that it wasn’t important enough for him to tell his mom about? What would you get from it? I’m asking because almost dying, and almost having my mom die…. makes me want to stop waiting for things, I realized just how quickly life can be gone… and I can’t figure this one out.

  254. Joanne says

    Hi there,

    My opinion is that it is shocking for your husband not to mention this to his mum. I don’t know what your background is with your MiL, but l think it is very worrying that your husband was chatting with his mum and did not feel the need to tell her about such a serious avent. I know that l would be very hurt if l were you, he owes you an apology.

  255. Disturbed says

    All these stories are like deja vu. I have been thru almost every bit of it. I’m losing my sense of sensibility here,, no matter how much I try to ignore her… she sends people around us to make me and my husband feel unwanted. She is mother who doesn’t have a soft corner for her own son. I know my husband misses his mother and doesn’t show it to me… but his frustration and guilt for life shows it all. I wish I could help but I will never bow down to that woman who ruined our newly wedded life.

  256. City Girl says

    OMG, I never thought there are so many people that share the same problems with me… I am from a foreign country and have nobody here in US except my DH and I have always tried to be very nice to his parents and his sister, but now I know how much they hate me and have hated me for all these years of my marriage… I don’t understand it at all. I was always the one to remind my DH to call them and send them cards/buy gifts and etc. And now I am the b….h. I have overheard my MIL tell my DH all kinds of horrible things about me and now that’s all I can think of….

    I wish I could get those words out of my head… Most of my friends are single, or their MIL live out of state, so they don’t have to deal with it as much. Thank you for these boards, so we can talk about it!

  257. jrlove says

    OMG girl do i feel u!! I have the same thing! i tried to get along with mine but i gave up because im under the impression that mine is extremely jelous and wants her son to herself. Hes 29 yr and she still kisses him on the lips and has no shame asking him for money. Im freakin repulsed by these heffers. But regardless dont put the strain on your marriage, hate her but love ur husband and dont let him feel like hes in the middle of it, just tell him outright what u think 1 time but dont dwell on it or keep talking about it

  258. Katie says

    To AmazingNothing:

    My guess is that your husband didn’t tell his mother about the accident because her response to the information would probably embarass him – whether she lacked empathy, acted indifferent, failed to comment, etc. He knew the only way to avoid that battle, was to withhold the information from her.

  259. Andrea says

    My ex MIL was/is an evil woman. She faked a heart attack at my wedding, she called us ever

    morning at 6 am the first year we were married. She showed up at a time share and crashed our vacation, then threw the dinner I had made into the fire pit saying it was poison, she asked me when I was going to try to get pregnant again a week after I lost my fist baby to miscarriage. The best thing I ever did was divorce her “baby boy”. He never stood up for me, and was abusive and contolling like his mom. I truly hate that woman, but I am now happily married with two kids. And just to let her know, her “baby boy’ was the one with infertility issues not me. Happiness is the best revenge

  260. monet says

    You need to get out of it. I know it sounds easier then said, but emotionally a person cant handle all of this. Sure they have shows like everyone loves raymond that everyone works things out the mother in law has her way and everyone is just living day in and out the same everyday. In life this is not healthy at all for no one. If the person really loves you they will say something and also get mental help to deal and start living to become a happy person but to drag you into to their problems also where the dysfunction starts to hinder you this is just not right , and no one should ask a person to stay if they are not willing to protect their mate from going through this form of abuse.

  261. ikechi igochi nwofor says

    my mother hates my wife.she manipulated me sending her and my 2months old son away.my marriage is less than a year old.my wife and i are from different ethnic group.i love my wife but my mother has a very stronghold on me which i think is spiritual.what do i do? i love my wife

  262. Joanne says

    If you want to save your marriage you need to stand up to your mother and set firm boundries. My Fiancee and l split up because of his mother, he was not able to stand up to her and she just ate away at our relationship. We loved each other and got on so well but she was poision in our lifes. You are a grown man and l doubt your mother sees you that way, but your wife needs you to be a man and do whatever you need to do to save your marriage before it’s to late. Your first loyalty should be to your wife now( that’s what the vows you took were about after all) Don’t lose your wife because you are too scared to put your mother in her place, your wife will be in your life long after your mother has gone.

    Hope you can find the courage to do the right thing.

  263. Tracey28 says

    Hi there.

    I can totally relate to your anger and pain, I nearly lost my marriage over my MIL- so I told my husband i want nothing to do with her anyloner, if he didn’t like it then i am out here gone, i am moving back to Europe so I wouldn’t ever see or be near her again, she made life feel like not living any longer, I reckon the man has to stand up to his mother and tell her where to stick it to. I am mentaly scared because of her. She was a dusgusting pig, who didn’t bath for weeks, even when i am writing this message, my blood boils. I lived with her for over year, I asked my self now why? well they say love makes you do stupid things. I told my husband exactly how i felt, knowing that i might loose him, but i had to do it.

    just don’t keep your feelings eat you up and be happy even if it means loosing your husband, because no one should go throu or feel like that because of another human begin. Life is to short to live in situation like that.

    my mother lost her 35 yr marriage because of her in-laws, I reckon it was going to happen to me.

  264. Kris says

    We have a bad family situation on my side (my mom, Dad and brother) and Dh’s (His Mom, sisters, brother, sil, and his sisters children.) I read all the posts and can relate to so many of the stories. I am grateful for everyday that passes that we don’t see any of the people mentioned above. I actually feel sorry for people who are insensitive to others with bad family situations. It is unrealistic to point fingers and say, “It must be you, try harder.” Perhaps the bright side of having monster in laws and being the black sheep of your own so called birth family is that is makes you more compassionate and let judgemental of others.

  265. Grace says

    I totally understand what you feel. My mother in law hates me because I am foreign. She is a huge racist and hates everyone who is the slightest bit different from her. She is so ignorant. She assumes I am stupid and should just lay down and take her crap. I love my husband but I can not allow someone to treat me this way anymore. She is not human and has no soul. Sometimes I think she is trying to give me a heart attack from all the stress she puts on me and my marriage. I have hundred of stories of her manipulation and complete disregard for anyone’s feelings but her own. Love… love is blind.

  266. Grace says

    oh, Iforgot. If you are engaged or thinking about and the mother in law is treating you like crap. RUN ! run as fast as you can. I always told myself she would change with time, but she has gotten worst.

  267. Letter Writer says

    I have a MIL that is the epitome of all that is an awful MIL. I feel your pain. I am not a hating person, it’s just not part of my nature. I am very close to hating this woman. I have actually looked up ways to kill her without getting caught. However, I am like you, the perfect, ever-pleasing, DIL who writes letters, sends pictures, bakes pies for get togethers… so killing her wont happen. But you can bet I daydream about it!