I've got a little secret to share with you thanks to Rebecca

Yes, it’s true, I’m a good mother.

I don’t helicopter over them. I let them get dirty. I try not to stress over the little things.

I let them pick their own clothes for all but the most formal of events. And yes, this means that frequently Chip goes to school in an old army hat, a jean jacket (no shirt), shorts, sandals and a rain coat.

I tell them ‘no’ because they need to hear it, not because it makes my day any easier. I know all their details right down to their souls. I know how to make each one of them feel safe in the way they need it.

I know how to bring Mike down from a spiraling tantrum that he gets stuck in and doesn’t know how to get out of. I know when Robbie needs to cuddle with me quietly on the couch. I know when Chip needs a nap and how to make him think it was his idea.

I know what parts of the future to not worry about, because details have a way of working themselves out. I’m a great Mom. And yep, it feels weird to type that out. And I’m already feeling a little weirded-out about publishing this post in a minute.

If you haven’t read Rebecca‘s call to stop putting ourselves down and owning up to being good parents, you really should check it out. The best, and most quoted line is “Claiming to be bad parents is the new “I’m fat” for even the thinnest of women.”

But. The best post I’ve seen on this topic is over at Her Bad Mother. And she’s absolutely right: it is terribly hard to bring the funny or at least be interesting if all you do is recount the parts of your day that went as planned. The parts where no one screamed “I hate you mommy!” at the top of their lungs. When no one kicked you in the shins because you wouldn’t let them watch the fucking Wonderpets one more time.

I am most inspired as a writer – yes, inspired – by my moments of fear and confusion, my weaknesses, my mistakes. So most of my writing – as it appears on this blog – addresses itself, or seems to address itself, to my consideration of myself as a bad mother. As Her Bad Mother. Not Her Bad-ASS Mother – Her Bad Mother


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7 responses to “I've got a little secret to share with you thanks to Rebecca”

  1. Elizabeth Avatar

    I loved Catherine’s post and I love yours! I totally agree that you have to pick your battles, and what they wear to school is usually not one of them for me, either.

    Kaitlyn’s “fucking Wonderpets” moments come when I won’t let her watch “We Are the Laurie Berkner Band” for the THIRD time in a row. She’s already figured out how to open the DVD player, and she stands there shrieking at me. She calls it “Beh Beh”. I’m glad she loves it so much, but I can only hear “We are the Dinosaurs” SO MANY TIMES.

  2. karrie Avatar

    These are interesting discussions, but I guess I’ve never worried that my blog gives the impression that I am a Really Bad Mother to anyone who reads regularly. I’m not bad—I’m just weird. ;)

    Some days I am a ‘bad’ mother though, just like some days I am not a very nice person. (Although I think I am mostly a good mother and mostly a kind person, if a slightly snarky, sarcastic one.)

    Another thing to keep in mind is that motherhood is not the only role that defines most of us. I think most moms who blog all in part about parenthood are fairly complex people. (The old Facts of Life ditty where you take the good, you take the bad, comes to mind.)

    Also, I totally want Chip to come back-to-school shopping with Max.

  3. Jennifer Avatar

    Bravo!

    I’m really enjoying all of these great mom posts!

  4. sherry Avatar

    This is an awesome idea. I need to post one of my own and then refer to it as needed, especially on those days where I end up feeling like all I ever do is yell at everyone. :\

    But it’s true too that it’s somehow easier to make a light hearted post about the crap than be all tra-la-la about things sometimes.

  5. Heather Avatar

    Yeah for all of the good moms….you included!

    Wonderful post!

  6. […] You Good Enough? Jump to Comments I have read a couple of posts this week that were inspired by this blogger’s call to writeabout what makes you a good parent. OK. […]

  7. Her Bad Mother Avatar

    Thanks for the props. Especially because I totally meant what I said – I have nothing to write about if I don’t write about the quote-unquote bad stuff. And that other mothers – other WRITERS – get that, and still get that I am, underneath it all, a GOOD mother, is huge for me.

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