I’ve seen the world’s most boring violent movie. You ask "how is that possible, Jane?"

March 12, 2007 12 Comments

Yes, its true. “300” is incredibly boring. I thought it was going to be a great battle epic with amazing effects and bowl-me-over sounds and music. I was hoping for it to be as great as the first time I saw The Matrix.

The movie is about a battle between Sparta and Xerxes’ enormous army. 300 Spartans versus thousands and thousands of other fighters. Battle to the death for glory, honor, virtue, principle and country. Sounds like a pretty exiting setup, right?

Nope

Mr. Plain says that I didn’t like it because it is a guy-movie, but how is that possible? If that was the case, wouldn’t I be saying “Ooohh, it was so gross! And so scary! And no one talked about their feelings!”

These fucking warriors talked ALL THE TIME! And I kid you not, I laughed out loud when one guy cried and said that the only regret he had in his life was that he had never told his (now beheaded) son that he loved him!

That is a very nice sentiment, but completely out of place in this movie. I found myself wanting to yell “Less chit-chat, more killing!” through most of it, and I’m not a particularly violent person.

I’m a doctor, Jim!

Did you know? Apparently ancient Sparta looks EXACTLY like every city ever visited on Star Trek. I kept expecting Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock to show up. Or at least some red shirts.

I was also disappointed by the effects in the movie. They’re decent, but all the best ones are in the trailer — watch that instead. The look of the film reminded me of watching old Sinbad movies as a kid. They were always crappy copies shown on a UHF station that didn’t come in very clearly on our old TV.

I was expecting to see a glorious-looking movie, but instead I got to see the work of filmmakers who were really, really in love with this “look” they had created. So they just kept doing the same effects over and over again.

Kind of like when I was in art school and watched my friends first 8mm movies. Yeah, it is cool to shoot shadows cast by the tree outside your window, but for the love of God I don’t want to watch 20 minutes of it!

Filed Under: From PlainJaneMom.com Tagged With: movies, star-trek

Comments

  1. Melanie says

    March 12, 2007 at 11:45 am

    Aw, maaaaan… I’m disappointed. I was hoping the studio wouldn’t put the whole movie in the trailer, and that there would be some reason to go watch and enjoy it.

    My friend and her family are coming to town next weekend and we were planning to go watch it on the IMax; I may just have to rethink that.

    Reply
  2. MammaLoves says

    March 12, 2007 at 12:13 pm

    “Less chit-chat, more killing.” I laughed out loud!!!

    Don’t our husbands realize we sometimes like it rough and dirty too? (Our movies that is.)

    Reply
  3. Plain Jane Mom says

    March 12, 2007 at 12:53 pm

    Yeah, the movies, riiight…

    Reply
  4. Lila says

    March 12, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    Art school movies, ew. Thanks for the warning. All I’d heard were raves from people who hadn’t seen it, but had read the graphic novel.

    Reply
  5. Kelly says

    March 12, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    I saw it this weekend, and I have to say I concur. I’m forwarding this to a friend who refuses to believe my review that seeing this money is a colossal waste of money.

    Reply
  6. Maria P. says

    March 12, 2007 at 7:08 pm

    Wow thanks for the heads up! We were going to go see this next weekend.

    Reply
  7. Bon says

    March 13, 2007 at 5:41 am

    thank you for sparing me from spending my one babysitter night this month on the 300. we were gonna go this coming weekend…geeky history buffs that we are.

    now, please suggest replacement entertainment. :)

    Reply
  8. crunchy carpets says

    March 13, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    Shut UP!

    I loved it!

    I thought it was a riot!

    Cheesy talk, cheesy monsters and just a bunch of testosterone and camaraderie.

    And half nekkid guys!

    So funny there was reviews saying they didn’t talk enough!

    LOL!

    Reply
  9. me says

    March 19, 2007 at 8:12 am

    300 kicked ASS!!!

    how dare you be discontented with the best reenactment of Spartan war tactics and this time period!

    this movie was bitchin…so stop bitching!

    Reply
  10. Plain Jane Mom says

    March 19, 2007 at 9:19 am

    YEAH, how dare I have an opinion!! FUCK ME!!

    Reply
  11. me says

    March 19, 2007 at 9:21 am

    ok

    Reply
  12. Hated 300 says

    April 12, 2007 at 12:39 am

    got here googlin’ “300 is horrible” . . . because it sure was and I have been shocked by its popular praise (and disheartened by the birth of a new popular “genre”)

    This was the worst movie I’ve seen in 20 years. I am a single Dad who only occassionaly takes in a non-kid movie, and this was a WASTED 5 hours–or so it seems when you’re checking your watch every 10 minutes while laughing but to cry at such a ridiculous REPETATIVE inane spectacle. BORED TO TEARS.

    Nice call, Plain.

    Reply

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