I’ve seen the world’s most boring violent movie. You ask "how is that possible, Jane?"

Yes, its true. “300” is incredibly boring. I thought it was going to be a great battle epic with amazing effects and bowl-me-over sounds and music. I was hoping for it to be as great as the first time I saw The Matrix.

The movie is about a battle between Sparta and Xerxes’ enormous army. 300 Spartans versus thousands and thousands of other fighters. Battle to the death for glory, honor, virtue, principle and country. Sounds like a pretty exiting setup, right?

Nope

Mr. Plain says that I didn’t like it because it is a guy-movie, but how is that possible? If that was the case, wouldn’t I be saying “Ooohh, it was so gross! And so scary! And no one talked about their feelings!

These fucking warriors talked ALL THE TIME! And I kid you not, I laughed out loud when one guy cried and said that the only regret he had in his life was that he had never told his (now beheaded) son that he loved him!

That is a very nice sentiment, but completely out of place in this movie. I found myself wanting to yell “Less chit-chat, more killing!” through most of it, and I’m not a particularly violent person.

I’m a doctor, Jim!

Did you know? Apparently ancient Sparta looks EXACTLY like every city ever visited on Star Trek. I kept expecting Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock to show up. Or at least some red shirts.

I was also disappointed by the effects in the movie. They’re decent, but all the best ones are in the trailer — watch that instead. The look of the film reminded me of watching old Sinbad movies as a kid. They were always crappy copies shown on a UHF station that didn’t come in very clearly on our old TV.

I was expecting to see a glorious-looking movie, but instead I got to see the work of filmmakers who were really, really in love with this “look” they had created. So they just kept doing the same effects over and over again.

Kind of like when I was in art school and watched my friends first 8mm movies. Yeah, it is cool to shoot shadows cast by the tree outside your window, but for the love of God I don’t want to watch 20 minutes of it!


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12 responses to “I’ve seen the world’s most boring violent movie. You ask "how is that possible, Jane?"”

  1. Melanie Avatar

    Aw, maaaaan… I’m disappointed. I was hoping the studio wouldn’t put the whole movie in the trailer, and that there would be some reason to go watch and enjoy it.

    My friend and her family are coming to town next weekend and we were planning to go watch it on the IMax; I may just have to rethink that.

  2. MammaLoves Avatar

    “Less chit-chat, more killing.” I laughed out loud!!!

    Don’t our husbands realize we sometimes like it rough and dirty too? (Our movies that is.)

  3. Plain Jane Mom Avatar

    Yeah, the movies, riiight…

  4. Lila Avatar

    Art school movies, ew. Thanks for the warning. All I’d heard were raves from people who hadn’t seen it, but had read the graphic novel.

  5. Kelly Avatar

    I saw it this weekend, and I have to say I concur. I’m forwarding this to a friend who refuses to believe my review that seeing this money is a colossal waste of money.

  6. Maria P. Avatar

    Wow thanks for the heads up! We were going to go see this next weekend.

  7. Bon Avatar

    thank you for sparing me from spending my one babysitter night this month on the 300. we were gonna go this coming weekend…geeky history buffs that we are.

    now, please suggest replacement entertainment. :)

  8. crunchy carpets Avatar

    Shut UP!

    I loved it!

    I thought it was a riot!

    Cheesy talk, cheesy monsters and just a bunch of testosterone and camaraderie.

    And half nekkid guys!

    So funny there was reviews saying they didn’t talk enough!

    LOL!

  9. me Avatar
    me

    300 kicked ASS!!!

    how dare you be discontented with the best reenactment of Spartan war tactics and this time period!

    this movie was bitchin…so stop bitching!

  10. Plain Jane Mom Avatar

    YEAH, how dare I have an opinion!! FUCK ME!!

  11. Hated 300 Avatar
    Hated 300

    got here googlin’ “300 is horrible” . . . because it sure was and I have been shocked by its popular praise (and disheartened by the birth of a new popular “genre”)

    This was the worst movie I’ve seen in 20 years. I am a single Dad who only occassionaly takes in a non-kid movie, and this was a WASTED 5 hours–or so it seems when you’re checking your watch every 10 minutes while laughing but to cry at such a ridiculous REPETATIVE inane spectacle. BORED TO TEARS.

    Nice call, Plain.

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