Do you ever feel like you have chronic fatigue? Not the kind with capital letters, just the regular, old fucking tired all the time kind? That’s what I have and I just can’t shake it.
“Not right now Robbie, mommy is passed out on the couch.” Ever tried to nap while your kids are running around? I knew I was really tired when learned that I could sleep in 15 second increments.
Wake to Mike saying “Mommy, why are you sleeping” and mumble something incoherent and hopefully free of hilariously repeatable words.
20 seconds later wake to the sound of blood curdling screaming. Determine it is an “I’m pissed off” noise and not an “I’m being dismembered” noise and fall back asleep.
A blissful 2 minutes later wake to the sensation of being poked. And not in a good way. Open eyes to see a paper airplane milliseconds before it enters your cornea. Yell something incoherent, and fall asleep again.
Have enough remaining spidey-sense left to be woken by the sound of someone outside conspiratorially whispering “I bet we can do it…”. Look outside window to see newest inventive children’s game being played. Step 1: throw small toy on top of patio umbrella until it gets stuck there. Step 2: dislodge it by throwing a GARDEN SHOVEL up at it.
Become fully awake approximately 5 minutes after running outside and snatching a garden tool out of the air just before it cleaves someone’s head in two.
Anyone know the name of a good babysitter?