So where's Marlin Perkins when I need him?

birds.gifIt’s like fucking Wild Kingdom over here. Our cat — a completely defective piece of nature — was discovered eating a dead bird under my dining room table. Mike found this lovely scene, nicely accented by a river of puppy pee snaking across the floor.

The heat killed the bird, which incidentally was building a nest right outside my kitchen window. I thought Hey, this will be great! I can watch the eggs, show the kids the babies, and so on. Now not so much.

And now the other bird in the pair is slowly dying. Also right outside my kitchen window.

And the cat, who seriously is so far removed from “Nature” I’m surprised he recognized the bird as “food” is sitting out under the nest just… waiting. For nature’s bounty to provide sustenance for the laziest animal on god’s green earth.

I’m thinking this doesn’t bode well for the rest of my weekend.


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13 responses to “So where's Marlin Perkins when I need him?”

  1. karrie Avatar

    I’m sending Clete your way to complete your hell. He took a dump in my shower this morning.

  2. Nell Avatar

    That is hilarious. But not for you, I’m sorry. As I write this our cat is sitting outside crying because I won’t let her come in and share her dead bird with the kittens. I know, I’m so mean. She is nature cat, I swear she kills something once a day.

  3. Nell Avatar

    I love the M. Alexander “Birds” doll btw.

  4. […] Plain Jane Mom, “So where’s Marlin Perkins when I need him?” Mercy, I could not help but smile at this post. It’s not necessarily funny, unless you’ve been there yourself, which I certainly have. And the tragi-comedy is only emphasized by the Tippie Hedren doll as a photo accompaniment. You must read! […]

  5. Sarah Avatar

    My cat once dragged a dead rabbit home. Another time, a partially-alive bat.

    Thanks, cat. Those are the only things missing from my “Dead Farmer in the Dell” phone…

  6. Oh, The Joys Avatar

    Our FORMER cat once brought a still alive bird into the house in the middle of the night while I was out of town. K was home alone…with stomach flu… He had spent much of the night already in the bathroom throwing up and was finally in bed when the cat jumped INTO the bed with the half alive bird. These are the joys of which I speak.

  7. andi Avatar

    OMG, laughing my ass off over here, Erika. Oh, and feeling your pain. My house is thankfully catless at the moment.

  8. fidget Avatar

    This is so a Shell Silverstein poem, only replace lazy Jane waiting for rain with cat waiting for dead bird

  9. Moobs Avatar

    I can’t stop laughing at this post. This, for me, sums up cats.

  10. Bon Avatar

    i think i’ll refrain from visiting this weekend…

    but enjoy!

  11. Ruby Avatar

    Wild Kingdom baby! I would have FREAKED out about the whole dead bird thing.

  12. Kelly Avatar

    OMG and ewwwww. OK can I say that picture is just perfect?

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