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Snort — she said “momhole” and I can’t stop snickering!
Worth a read if you have gone far down the infertility path (raises hand) or want to see some of what that’s like. I too felt like once I got to the well-established pregnancy part it would all somehow be different. Yeah… not so much.
I’m going to have to say no…
It’s not morphine, but if you wanted to wrap Kerry up in your words, now is the time.
| 1997-1998 | |
|---|---|
| trying without doctors |
negative |
| 1999 | |
| clomid IUI #1 | negative |
| clomid IUI #2 | negative |
| clomid IUI #3 | negative |
| clomid IUI #4 | negative |
| gonal-f IUI #1 | negative |
| gonal-f IUI #2 | negative |
| IVF #1 | negative |
| 2000 | |
| IVF #2 | negative |
| FET #1 | negative |
| FET #2 | negative |
| IVF #3 | early miscarriage |
| 2001 | |
| IVF #4 | early miscarriage |
| FET #3 | early miscarriage |
| IVF #5 | early miscarriage |
| Adoption | failed |
| 2002 | |
| Adoption | Henry! |
| clomid IUI #5 (donor sperm) |
Ed! |
| 2004 | |
| clomid IUI #6 (donor sperm) |
Charlie! |
| What the heck are all these acronyms?? | |
| Clomid is a drug in pill form to increase the number of eggs ovulated.
Gonal-f is an injectable drug that does the same thing but to a higher degree. IUI is “intrauterine insemination” IVF is “in vitro fertilisation” FET is “frozen embryo transfer“ |
|
Allow me to dazzle you with my large and impressive Table of In/Fertility.
Have you ever wondered to yourself how I ended up with 2 kids who are 8 months apart? Well, after several years of spending large amounts of money solely for the privilege of shooting myself in the ass with long needles, we decided to get going with all the paperwork needed for adoption.
That took us several months and the only thing to do at the end of it all was to just sit around and wait. I don’t do that very well, so we decided to go back to the doctor for “one more try.”
What made it different this time was that we decided to try using donor sperm. The doctors had never suggested it (morons), but it seemed to us to be a very logical and inexpensive thing to try, so we gave it a shot.
See the table over there? It worked the first time, and we were amazed and very cautiously pleased.
Then. The day after we found out I was pregnant we got a call from an adoption agency saying that a baby boy had just been born and did we want to come get him?
So here’s what we figured
I had already had 4 miscarriages, and we had also already excitedly traveled out to meet a newborn who we didn’t end up getting to adopt. The odds seemed stacked against us, but if we were really, really lucky we might hit the jackpot and end up with two babies.
We ended up in the airport on the way to get Henry AND calling the clinic for my latest beta (pregnancy blood test) results. It was an overwhelming, stressful, and unreal experience, but as you can see it worked out really well for us.
Two years later we decided that we’d love to have a third child and debated adoption vs. donor sperm. In the end, donor sperm (same donor as before) won out because it was cheaper, required no travel or paperwork, and had the possibility of happening sooner.
Amazingly, it worked on the first try again. So much for the fleet of reproductive endocrinologists (fertility “experts”) who had no idea what was causing our infertility. We just treated it ourselves — go figure.
(Oh, and do you like how this post just kind of stops without an actual ending? Yeah, sweet isn’t it? I have a really hard time writing decently on this subject, and any time I try it just kind of comes out like a list. So cut me a little slack on this one please :)
I rarely get asked to participate in memes, and it is just as well since I really cannot handle the pressure. There’s a music one going around right now, and Janet and Soccer Dad nicely tagged me with it. (And yes, Janet, I know it was a long time ago!)
Here’s the problem I’ve been having: I love music so much that I could never in a million years pick just 7 songs. Of all the kinds of things that can make me laugh or cry, short of, you know, actual sad things happening, MUSIC is the number one “thing” that moves me.
Ever since the boys were infants I have avoided kid music. I’m no hipster parent, but that stuff makes my ears bleed. I know they get plenty of that music at school, and when they’re with me it is my only chance to imprint upon their innocent little ears the kind of music I like.
Remember this: brainwash them early!
And you know what? It works! Just the other day Mike heard a new song and said “Hey, I love these horns! Here come the drums! This is a great song, Mom!” I have never been more proud.
When we were trying for 5 years to have kids, the one image that kept me going was thinking about dancing in the kitchen with my kids. Just thinking about it made me cry, and now doing it makes me cry too. You know, happy cry. Yes, I am a TOTAL sap, but dancing with my kids gets right to the essence of all the things I love about them, myself, and being a mother.
So here’s 7 of a certain kind of song.
In that spirit, I’ll share with you a selection from the long playlist for the CDs I just made for the car (um, Minivan). I don’t listen to the radio when the kids are riding with me, so I always make tons of Mix Tapes. And I call them that because I am old.
Couple these songs with the fact that we like our music loud and every time we go around a corner I shout “BIG TURN!” and we all scream, and well… let’s just say that everyone knows when the Plain Family has gotten to school.
It’s a song about TRAINS people! What could be more appealing to a car full of boys? I suppose they could sing about trucks and airplanes too, but, um, I don’t think Michelle, Tamika and Tanya really want to “ride” a bus…
Awesome horns in this one. No youtubage, though! So sad! I saw The Tubes in about 1984 and it was a wild show. Think Voice Farm with slightly more clothing…
I love that Will Smith songs are fun AND I don’t have to worry about how to explain what they’re about! You should see the car seat dancing that goes on to this one.
More horns and some drums too. Fun!
Gotta have some disco diva in your life.
Here’s a funny live version, but I like the album recording better.
I threw this in to prove that we do listen to music created in this century ;) I like this version from the Grammys a lot.
OK, now I think I’m supposed to tag some other folks. Hmmm, by now I’m sure lots of you have done this, but how about Karrie, Elizabeth, Jennifer, Thordora, and Shannon. If any of you have already done it I’m sorry! I’m too pathetic to go search your archives… I’m also tagging anyone else who wants to participate in this one. It’s fun, give it a try!
Why do I still read and comment on blogs by women (and men) in the infertility war? Here I am, mom of 3, my youngest turned 2 yesterday, why am I still reading about PIO shots, beta numbers at 10 DPT, and the pros and cons of switching IVF clinics?
Because even after all this time it still speaks to me.
I don’t feel damaged emotionally like I used to, but the memory of the pain I felt at the sight of pregnant women, kids playing, moms hanging out together, is still right under the surface ready to spring back out at any time.
It is true that I don’t have the gut-ache I had before kids, and for that I am more grateful than you can imagine. Actually, if infertility has bitch-slapped you too, you get what I mean precisely.
But reading about and connecting with people currently going through treatments, homestudies, failures and successes is a link to the people I consider my community. And I cannot just leave that behind now that I have kids. I’m the same person, mom or not.
I’m on vacation right now, so I thought I’d leave you with some pointers for other blogs to check out. Today’s theme is that bitch Infertility.
Karen’s The Naked Ovary is a great blog about adoption after infertility.
Beth at Prop Your Hips Afterwards is currently pregnant after infertility. She also has very severe Hyperemesis to add into the mix. Her strength in the face of long hospitalizations for rehydration is impressive.
I’ve only recently started reading Getting pregnant the high-tech way but she and I have a lot in common.
Of course you all read Julia, right?
