sick

I'm feeling corpsy, but thanks for asking

March 13, 2008 14 Comments

I’m now sicker than I was yesterday, but at least the kids are in school. The little germ-laden fuckers.

Seriously, when they get sick I only catch what they have occasionally. And when I do I just get a little touch of what they had. You know, because I’m big and strong and all that.

This time it was totally the reverse. The kids each got sick enough to stay home from school, but really they felt pretty OK. You know, the kind of sick where you must spend the entire day in your PJs but you still have the energy to clobber your brother on a fairly rigorous schedule. That kind of sick.

Me on the other hand — whole different story. I am sick. Unbelievable! I never get sick, and it really is a drag. I woke up this morning and it was completely a choice of the lesser of two evils. Do I stay in bed and keep the kids home another day? This has the advantage of allowing me to roll over and close my eyes again, but I think all you parents out there will see the major disadvantage. Healthy bored kids. Home. All. Day. Good God, nobody wants that.

So Plan B was enacted. I tried not to pass out while packing lunchboxes, I almost forgot to feed them breakfast, but pulled it out of my ass at the last moment. (Delicious sounding, no?) And got them all out the door with the help of my fantastic husband who is also sick yet did all the school dropoffs for me. Problem is, I have 5 minutes left alone in the house before I have to go pick up the kids, and all I want to do is nap…

You've got to be kidding me, it's only Wednesday?

March 12, 2008 5 Comments

Monday, home with one sick kid.

Tuesday, home with two sick kids.

Wednesday, home sick with three sick kids.

You see where this is going, right? Come Friday we’ll be on the news. “Local family harbors mutant strain of plague! Film at Eleven!”

In my delirium, however, I can’t stop laughing at this picture. Is it a cat litter box? A rice cooker? A cat space capsule? Some demonic combination of the three?

Well once I’d seen it there was no going back. I had to keep clicking around Amazon… Big mistake. I found out that there are lots of robo-cat-boxes out there. And they all sound disgusting. Check out this review entitled “An expensive way to smell poo” that had me laughing until I cried.

You will become more familiar with your cat’s feces every day as the cat genie gently fills your home with the aroma of baking excrement. Plus, you get to pay over $300 for technology that was “designed” and built for less than $2. The “processor” unit was designed in 1967 and allows all the functionality of the most advanced microchip devices of its era. It has both on and off modes. (Note: off mode available only while unplugged.)

To say something positive, the customer support line is manned by kind, well-meaning kids who really do feel badly that you’re having a hard time with your mechanical poo soup maker.

Do yourself a favor and read the whole review here. And then come back and tell me how the hassle of these foul sounding devices is better than scooping cat poop.

Is this breathy voice still sexy when followed by my discretely coughing out a lung?

March 2, 2007 5 Comments

It’s a good thing that blogging is a written medium because my voice is almost completely gone today. And along with it for the ride is my mind. I can’t blame not getting enough sleep on my cold, however, it is all Buffy’s fault. You know, the Vampire Slayer?

As you may know, Mr. Plain and I are struggling to catch up on lots of TV shows we missed over the past several years, and right now we’re on season three of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A show so amazing that it makes Seth Green seem hot, and that’s a great trick.

I AM LOVING IT! This is a great show! And I just love being able to watch it a million episodes at a time. Thank you Netflix, although could you please stop sending me DVDs that are cracked in half? I don’t have whatever fancy player you think I have that plays broken discs, and if we could just get that sorted out then we’d have a great relationship… Anyone else have this problem with Netflix? It drives me nuts.

My personal Circle of Hell is apparently a foot-deep in puke. Who knew?

January 30, 2007 5 Comments

Chip has had a relapse of the stomach flu I thought he was done with, and I feel like we have a newborn in the house. I’m up every 2-3 hours at night and I constantly smell like puke.

Yeah, I know, “me me me.” Of course Chip is sad too, but hell… he can get his own blog.

Oh great, look at that. The cat is yorking too. Hmmm. At least no one stepped in it.

Old-fashioned Sudafed is making me punchy and loopy. But how will you notice the difference?

January 24, 2007 Leave a Comment

I’m all hopped up on Sudafed and I can’t really string thoughts together today, so this will be a stream of consciousness post. I know, those are about as interesting to read as those irritating “here’s what I dreamt last night” posts, so I won’t be hurt if you decide to come back tomorrow to see if I’m off the crazy-pills.

I got barfed on all night by Chip, so I had to cancel his eye-doctor appointment today. And I have a cold. And I’m taking Mike to the doctor this afternoon because I suspect he may have a urinary infection. And since Chip can’t go to daycare, and I’m too tired to drive Mike and Robbie over there, we’re all stuck home together. Good times!

Plus January always sucks because Mr. Plain works a lot then. It is his busiest month, so we all just resign ourselves to not seeing him as much as usual. And it is hard on him as well because, you know, he likes seeing us. So it is a nice stressful time of the year for everyone. Yay!

But I’ll leave you on a high note with “Chip in a Box”