Comments on: What do preschoolers need to know about death, and who should be telling them? http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/ My life in Palo Alto, California. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 12:39:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sz A http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-49190 Sz A Tue, 26 Oct 2010 04:54:00 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-49190 I think that this topic can be addressed when the kids are ready. They will ask questions and you will know how much they need to hear. I don't think this should be handled in school as part of the curriculum because not all kindergarten age kids are at the same level and they don't all need to learn about it at the same time. If a teacher needs time off to cope they can mention this to the kids and even the reason but I don't think it requires a presentation about death. Perhaps it would have been an opportunity for them to start asking questions. I would not shove it down their throat unexpectedly and then send them home to let their parents smooth it all out and help them cope. I think if someone in the class is sick and dies as in Amanda's story that is different because they have already talked about the fact that this person was sick and over time they were able to build up to the end. I am sure there were questions about his illness. Some kids find this overwhelming and they shut down. It doesn't mean they are not processing the information inside. They just need time. I think that this topic can be addressed when the kids are ready. They will ask questions and you will know how much they need to hear. I don’t think this should be handled in school as part of the curriculum because not all kindergarten age kids are at the same level and they don’t all need to learn about it at the same time. If a teacher needs time off to cope they can mention this to the kids and even the reason but I don’t think it requires a presentation about death. Perhaps it would have been an opportunity for them to start asking questions. I would not shove it down their throat unexpectedly and then send them home to let their parents smooth it all out and help them cope.
I think if someone in the class is sick and dies as in Amanda’s story that is different because they have already talked about the fact that this person was sick and over time they were able to build up to the end. I am sure there were questions about his illness. Some kids find this overwhelming and they shut down. It doesn’t mean they are not processing the information inside. They just need time.

]]> By: Amanda http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44130 Amanda Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:36:12 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44130 My daughter is 4 1/2 and in preschool, shortly after she started she came home telling me of her new "boyfriend" Noah. She said she loved him and that he stood up to the other boys when they picked on her. About November Noah got sick, my daughter was devastated that he wasn't in school anymore. We have kept in touch with Noah and his family, so has the class. Noah has cancer and for the longest time we thought he was getting better until just last week the newest update came out that Noah was terminal. I tried talking to my daughter about it, she shut down completly. The next day she suddenly uttered in the the car, "why can't the doctors make Noah better and why do kids die, I thought only old people die, like my great great aunt dorothy?" She was with me last summer when we attended the funeral of my great aunt who had passes (kaylee had never met her). I answered her questions to the best of my ablility to do so. I talked to her teacher who I have kept a good relationship with throughout the whole mess and asked if they were going to talk about the fact that Noah was going to die. She talked to the guidance counselor at the school and is sending a note home warning parents that they are going to talk about it. Sometimes I think its okay for schools to handle certain things aslong as the parents are notified in a advance, but even if you had kept your son home that day, short of pulling him out of the school, another child would have told him when he returned. We all know that kids tell everything they see, hear, and do... My daughter is 4 1/2 and in preschool, shortly after she started she came home telling me of her new “boyfriend” Noah. She said she loved him and that he stood up to the other boys when they picked on her. About November Noah got sick, my daughter was devastated that he wasn’t in school anymore. We have kept in touch with Noah and his family, so has the class. Noah has cancer and for the longest time we thought he was getting better until just last week the newest update came out that Noah was terminal. I tried talking to my daughter about it, she shut down completly. The next day she suddenly uttered in the the car, “why can’t the doctors make Noah better and why do kids die, I thought only old people die, like my great great aunt dorothy?” She was with me last summer when we attended the funeral of my great aunt who had passes (kaylee had never met her). I answered her questions to the best of my ablility to do so. I talked to her teacher who I have kept a good relationship with throughout the whole mess and asked if they were going to talk about the fact that Noah was going to die. She talked to the guidance counselor at the school and is sending a note home warning parents that they are going to talk about it. Sometimes I think its okay for schools to handle certain things aslong as the parents are notified in a advance, but even if you had kept your son home that day, short of pulling him out of the school, another child would have told him when he returned. We all know that kids tell everything they see, hear, and do…

]]> By: Ellen http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44129 Ellen Sun, 22 Apr 2007 17:44:54 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44129 I agree with the teachers. The kids WILL ask where the teacher is. The "discussion" would be minimal - simply, "her dad died and she went to the funeral," followed by, "it is sad when someone dies. . .we want to do something to help her feel better." I don't think most/majority of kids will make the connection because their teacher are old. Therefore the teacher's father has to be REALLY old. I agree also with the military mom and Widow, until it hits close to home, kids don't usually draw the line from "them" to ME/MYSELF/I/MINE. Kids can/do/should be taught empathy for others in any/all situations it arises. If they have questions, they will ask, if not, they will enjoy making something for their teacher who is feeling sad. I agree with the teachers. The kids WILL ask where the teacher is. The “discussion” would be minimal – simply, “her dad died and she went to the funeral,” followed by, “it is sad when someone dies. . .we want to do something to help her feel better.” I don’t think most/majority of kids will make the connection because their teacher are old. Therefore the teacher’s father has to be REALLY old.

I agree also with the military mom and Widow, until it hits close to home, kids don’t usually draw the line from “them” to ME/MYSELF/I/MINE. Kids can/do/should be taught empathy for others in any/all situations it arises. If they have questions, they will ask, if not, they will enjoy making something for their teacher who is feeling sad.

]]> By: Plain Jane Mom http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44128 Plain Jane Mom Tue, 27 Mar 2007 04:32:20 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44128 Widow, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure that is incredibly difficult for a child to hear and understand. I do tell my kids about death, but I don't feel it is the place of the teachers to do that for me... Widow, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure that is incredibly difficult for a child to hear and understand.

I do tell my kids about death, but I don’t feel it is the place of the teachers to do that for me…

]]> By: Widow http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44127 Widow Tue, 27 Mar 2007 04:28:41 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44127 I think that it is ok to teach children about death. That way, if it happens to them they have some understanding of what is going on. My 6 year old still doesnt understand that her dad is not coming back. I do believe that is improtant to teach children. I do however believe that they should teach them starting out with animals can die, then people. I think that it is ok to teach children about death. That way, if it happens to them they have some understanding of what is going on. My 6 year old still doesnt understand that her dad is not coming back. I do believe that is improtant to teach children. I do however believe that they should teach them starting out with animals can die, then people.

]]> By: Lila http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44126 Lila Wed, 21 Mar 2007 02:14:19 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44126 The school needs to realize that this is absolutely positively not a teachable moment. The school needs to realize that this is absolutely positively not a teachable moment.

]]> By: Jennifer http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44125 Jennifer Tue, 20 Mar 2007 20:58:51 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44125 It wasn't the preschools place to have that talk. Rugrat knows about death, as much as an almost 4 year old can. Glen is military, we've had friends come back in boxes, for us it was important for her to at least be aware that it can happen. It wasn’t the preschools place to have that talk. Rugrat knows about death, as much as an almost 4 year old can. Glen is military, we’ve had friends come back in boxes, for us it was important for her to at least be aware that it can happen.

]]> By: Karly http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44124 Karly Tue, 20 Mar 2007 17:23:02 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44124 I don't think its really an age thing. Its individual for each child and when they are able to handle. I definitely wouldn't be okay with the school teaching my preschooler about death. That is a parent's job to do when he/she thinks the child is ready to handle it. I don’t think its really an age thing. Its individual for each child and when they are able to handle. I definitely wouldn’t be okay with the school teaching my preschooler about death. That is a parent’s job to do when he/she thinks the child is ready to handle it.

]]> By: andria http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44123 andria Tue, 20 Mar 2007 16:20:45 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44123 I think it's your place to explain death to your children. Even coming from a trusted teacher, it will still be frightening to a small child, better to have mom or dad there for that one. I am surprised the teachers would even want to take that one on. Good thing you spoke up about it. I am sure you weren't the only parent who felt that way. I think it’s your place to explain death to your children. Even coming from a trusted teacher, it will still be frightening to a small child, better to have mom or dad there for that one.

I am surprised the teachers would even want to take that one on. Good thing you spoke up about it. I am sure you weren’t the only parent who felt that way.

]]> By: Oh, The Joys http://blog.erikajurney.com/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44122 Oh, The Joys Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:55:14 +0000 http://blog.erikajurney.com/2007/03/19/what-do-preschoolers-need-to-know-about-death-and-who-should-be-telling-them/#comment-44122 My grandfather recently died and The Mayor (2.5) learned about it. We didn't have the right answers ... and still don't. My grandfather recently died and The Mayor (2.5) learned about it.

We didn’t have the right answers … and still don’t.

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