Why school is not for boys. At least not Mike.

Sit still.

No running on the playground.

No playing chase or tag on the playground.

No pretending to be the guys from Star Wars on the playground.

I get it. You’re afraid of lawsuits from kids getting hurt. You don’t want children playing violent games and making other kids feel unsafe. It is hard to manage kids who are active on their own terms instead of via organized sports.

So where do you draw the line?

If imaginary light sabers are OK, why not imaginary guns? What about chase games that get out of hand? There are hundreds of kids at school, and it makes sense to have big rules that keep everyone in line.

But. I have to say that reliving Kindergarten through Mike’s eyes reminds me why I felt like I was in prison until I graduated from college.

And what happens in repressive regimes?

Well. For instance. Mike and his friends now play a game called “Zar Gors.” I love it so much that he and his friends invented a subversive game. It is modeled after an “approved” playground game that sounds a lot like “Red Light Green Light” and involves aliens. See? That’s what happens.

When I was a reasonably young kid my dad let me read The Monkey Wrench Gang. And now I get why.

Easily Abbey’s most famous fiction work, the novel concerns the use of sabotage to protest environmentally damaging activities in the American Southwest, and was so influential that the term “monkeywrench” has come to mean, besides sabotage and damage to machines, any violence, sabotage, activism, law-making, or law-breaking to preserve wilderness, wild spaces and ecosystems. It is the bible of what some critics call “eco terrorists”. (wikipedia)

I want Mike to follow the rules. I want him to understand why someone made the rules. And I want him to be able to make his own judgement about whether or not the rules are right and just.

Sure. It starts with something as small as thinking “Are you kidding me? There’s nothing wrong with playing good guys vs. bad guys!” and builds to living a life where you question authority before submitting to it. Or not.


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21 responses to “Why school is not for boys. At least not Mike.”

  1. All Adither Avatar

    Hmm. I see both sides to this. And I like your philosophy of questioning authority while also respecting it.

    How's that for a vanilla, follow-the-rules comment?

  2. dad Avatar
    dad

    Very touched by this, sweetie. You're a great mom with great boys. And thanks.

  3. Jen M Avatar

    My five year-old attends a Waldorf school which means NO media references, violence, etc…problem is, he has been addicted to Star wars for the past year. The kid practically freebases all things Dark Side. So to say I feel for you and your son on this post…well, that's an understatement.

    Poor kids. I see why there are rules – but in all other respects my son is such a sweet baby…he just likes his light sabres!

    Jen M's latest post: Touche

  4. Melanie Avatar

    I agree, Erika. And I will add that this is the right and privilege – and beauty – of being American. We can question what we are told. In this, at least, we are very lucky to live where we do.

    Melanie's latest post: Pic Post: Self-Portrait Truthiness

  5. Nicole Avatar

    Excellent post, I don't think they have those rules, but to be honest I just learned the pokemom school rules. I know my son complains that so-and-so wants to play transformers he wants to play something else… I felt lucky that my son is pretty good at sitting still, but now he's starting to complain about having to sit all day, never getting to play. Ah well.

    Nicole's latest post: Wanna Read about some Guilt?

  6. Cherrye Avatar

    Wow. I don't have children yet, but I do have a 7-yr old nephew in 1st grade. This just seems "over the line" to me. But – I don't know the solution, either!

    Cherrye's latest post: Festa di San Giuseppe

  7. Shannon Avatar

    I agree. And it's not just kindergarten. In my opinion, it just gets worse as they get older. The goal of schooling is to produce cogs in the machine.

    A couple good reads about the origins/goals of public school, if you're interested.
    http://education-resources.com/articles/origin.ht
    http://4brevard.com/choice/Public_Education.htm

    Shannon's latest post: Raspberry Lemon Drop: The First Attempt

  8. zoe Avatar

    Reading this post made me think of this amazing video I recently saw called "5 Dangerous Things you Should Let Your Kid Do." http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/202

    It touches on the fact that we have so many 'rules' that our kids are being stifled. It also talks about how to instill trust in our kids.

    It is something that I think everyone (not just parents) should watch.

    great post :)

    z

  9. Don Mills Diva Avatar

    This is probably one of the things parents struggle with the most – how do you balance respect for authority with the need for self expression? I wish I knew.

    Don Mills Diva's latest post: Maybe just because

  10. Meagan Francis Avatar

    I have been reading a book called "Boys Adrift" by Leonard Sax, and one of the things he focuses on in the book is how boys have a biological need for physical, sometimes aggressive play, adventure and conquest…and our current culture just doesn't allow boys to be themselves. (www.boysadrift.com is the book's website)

    As a mom of four boys, I can say that at least three of them would never make it in an environment as rigid as the one you're describing, but luckily, their school is not like that.

    Meagan Francis's latest post: It’s a big scary world out there for kids. Or is it?

  11. Daisy Avatar

    I speak as a teacher of a class that nas a 2-1 ratio of boys to girls, and at least four (diagnosed!) with ADHD. My class is constant motion, constant energy. My biggest challenge is helping them focus that energy on their learning. Their energy doesn't have to be spent in rough play; they love our Running Club at recess. Love it.

    Daisy's latest post: Stranger than Fiction, my job is

  12. JCK Avatar

    I saw your post title on the BlogHer ads. It caught my eye, as I am on this journey with my son – in preschool/daycare! No. I. Kid. Not. It is INSANE. I am determined to find the right place for him to be active, and expressive – his natural state. I do want him to follow rules, but I also want him to be valued for who he is – and not compared to all the kids who sit quietly and …

    Great post and discussion. I'm going to check out that book your reader mentioned.

    JCK's latest post: The unveiling….

  13. JayMonster Avatar

    Schools just don't want kids using their imagination. Why? I wish I knew. I wish I knew when it got so over the top that they can't somehow discern between kids playing star wars, and kids brandishing a knife. How is it that everything has to be so freakin' black and white that these administrations can't exercise some sort of common sense or thinking that isn't "zero tolerance" which is nothing but an excuse to be lazy and all encompassing.

    JayMonster's latest post: How you know your old #377

  14. McMama Avatar

    I've read that often boys learn & retain better when they're allowed to be active. It's a shame that public school isn't able to accommodate that. One more check in the homeschooling column for me.

  15. […]   Erika Jurney My life in California with my husband Craig and our sons “Mike” (6), “Robbie” (5), and “Chip” (3).  more & contact me Subscribe and feel the love. or try the Archive Twitta Better Than a Blogroll I am completely unable to keep a traditional blogroll updated, so I just link to posts no matter where they come from — enjoy! Read more…   « previous post […]

  16. beth Avatar
    beth

    Wow. This post, and it's comments were amazing. I have a 3 year old son, he is active and energetic and wants to constantly be doing something, anything.

    We started soccer this past weekend, we are on the same team as our neighbor's son. He and our son play rough, and our neighbors always try and make them act like little grown ups, no running, pushing, crashing into each other….all while dying laughing. I don't understand why we just can't let kids be kids!

  17. HRH Avatar

    My brother and I were raised without any guns or toy guns and taught non-violence in every situation for religious reasons. My brother now carries a concealed weapon (legally) and think our upbringing in that area was WAY overboard. I will not do that to my kids. I haven't made a big deal about guns, etc. but I have 3 boys and boys like guns/weapons. I soon found out that purchased weapons were a lot safer then homemade ones so they have toy weapons to keep us out of the ER. I have a really hard time with school rules that are stupid. I think it teaches kids not to be honest. Kids are smarter then they are given credit. They need to learn how to get along with each other in a more free-form way. You learn much faster by doing then listening to grown-ups micromanage play. I guess I think that structured play is very over-rated these days.

    HRH's latest post: Grammar time…

  18. heatherw Avatar

    Amen!

    I have been thinking a lot about this lately since I have a six year old son in kindergarten who *gasp* made a pretend light "saver" of a pipe cleaner during free play at school the other day.

    heatherw's latest post: SSDD

  19. pickel Avatar

    There is a difference between letting boys be boys and allowing boys with sensory issues (the neurological need for activity) get activity and heavy work. My son has Sensory Processing Dysfunction on the extreme end but he still needs a lot of physical activity every day…and not the organized type, either.

    pickel's latest post: March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month…Who Knew?

  20. zoe Avatar

    hi again erika

    I came across this video and it totally reminded me of this post; I just had to share.



    It's amazing what kids can do when they are given the chance.

    z

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