Guest post by Anonymous
I had originally submitted a post to Erika complaining about my sister’s blog. She wrote me a very kind message advising me that the post came off as a bit harsh and that she was uncomfortable posting it. I appreciated her honesty and realized that I would have regretted her publishing the original post. Because ironically, in the original post I came off as an ass. Which is something that I was complaining my sister did in the first place.
The internet and other forms of electronic communication, like e-mail are tricky. The nuances of spoken language are non-existent here. You can write something and have it taken in a direction that you did not intend. You can unknowingly offend others with your tone. I know there has been a few instances in e-mails where I thought I was joking with someone (a few times, my husband) and the person on the receiving end took it the wrong way. And I spent many subsequent e-mails digging myself out of the hole I dug with poorly chosen words, because my facial expressions and voice intonations were not there to guide the intent. There were only words on a screen. And sometimes words can be horribly misconstrued.
Another form of communication that can be misunderstood is, of course, blogging. It is true that many people blog ultimately for themselves, but many bloggers also wish to have an audience. To join the greater blogging community. The reason I initially contacted Erika was because of my sister’s blog. My sister is a lovely, intelligent person. However, she is confused about why no one reads or comments on her blog. When she asks me for advice, I don’t know what to tell her. Because in all honesty, I find her blog posts, well, boring. And I can see how people who don’t know her in real life might be turned off by how she sometimes comes off as a jerk when asserting her opinions. Even some of my family members have complained to me that they have been offended by things she has written.
So my question is this – how do I gently tell my sister that she, unintentionally of course, may be turning people off by the poor attitude of her online persona? Or do I tell her? Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and Erika, thanks for calling me on my own unintentional assedness.
Guest post by Anonymous
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I adore the way you write Plain Jane there is nothing Plain abut you Thanks for sharing
Just for the record, I did not ever call the esteemed guest poster an “ass”!!
I think the best thing to do would be to tell her to go to the BlogHer conference and learn ways to increase readership. :)
If she is directly asking you for advice, give it to her straight. Still caring and respectful that she is your sis, but honest as well. And point her to some blogs that are in her genre that can effectively get their point across in a funny, engaging manner.
Maybe that is who she wants to be on her blog. By day I am a responsible mommy, wife and corporate pawn. On my blog I am my own silly self who blogs about anything and nothing.
With my husband the most truthful parts of me show through as I share my honest, unfiltered opinions on everything.
With my friends, I am open and vulnerable. I am a girlfriend.
A blog is the opportunity to express which ever parts of ourselves we choose. Perhaps your sister has this side of her she needs to get out. I know there is a bitch in me that I’d like to spew all over the world if I had the balls to do so. ;)
You could also send her some links to posts by other bloggers about how to be a better blogger. :)
There is a lot of good info out there if she is determined to be a great blogger.
My sister is the same way. She actually abandonned her blog after posting for the whole world to see that she was molested as a child. None of us were aware of this until she posted it online. I talked to her about it and she removed the post. Unfortunately, despite her hilarious sense of humour, she used her blog as a stream-of-consciousness journal, and it was really hard to read and not feel totally depressed.
Does she really want advice or is she just complaining to vent? I find that most times, people don’t really want advice.
First you need to let go of the idea that it is your responability to set things right. It’s ok if your sister’s making an ass of herself. She’s got to learn that lesson on her own.
A little late, but can I chime in here? I’m exactly like your sister. I’m slowly learning to stop myself, back away from the computer, and only hit “publish” with a clear head. (I use a private journal for the whiny, bad-attitude stuff. I can cull from that to make a more coherent post.) I don’t always know I’m making an ass of myself, and I like people (okay, close friends, not random strangers) to tell me when I’ve crossed the line. Harsh, but sometimes necessary.