Five years ago today Mr. Plain and I woke up early to get ready for what turned out to be the last of our many IVF egg retrieval procedures. Always “fun”, I wasn’t particularly eager to get out of bed so I turned on the news. Mr. Plain was in the bathroom and I yelled for him to come back. I was still fuzzy headed from sleep and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Just before he came into the room the second plane hit. We weren’t sure if it was a replay of the first or a new hit. The same thing happened with the collapsing towers. Was that just a replay, or was it the second tower? The whole series of events is still blurry to me and I have no desire to study up on the timeline.
Driving to the hospital we listened to the news the whole 30 minute drive. Checked into the hospital and turned on CNN in the room. Our nurse kept coming in to get news updates.
The retrieval was the worst ever. I was a big ‘egg producer’ — like 25-30 mature follicles each time — but this time we got barely enough to transfer back a few days later. I always wonder what caused that response. Was the doctor distracted? Was the embryologist not able to concentrate? Was the stress in the last few hours before retrieval enough to do “something” to all my eggs to make them unusable? And the procedure didn’t even result in another chemical pregnancy, just a beta of 0.
I’ll never know those answers, and I’ll never forget the horror of that day. I am still shocked every time I catch a glimpse of the smoking towers in a magazine or newspaper article. It catches my breath every time. Strangely enough, whenever I occasionally see video footage of it on TV it just pisses me off. I guess I can channel my whacked-out feelings about the event into outrage at TV producers showing the footage. I still believe it needs to be kept off TV. I personally just can’t watch it at all.
5 years later I have the kids of my dreams, and I have left 99% of the pain of infertility in the past. But I’ll never forget September 11, 2001.